How upset would you feel if your partner missed his baby’s first Christmas? Because apparently I’m overreacting and him and his mum think it’s normal to do this…
My partner has his daughter twice a month (every other weekend Friday-Sun) and he’s had her for Christmas this year. They go to his parents as he doesn’t want her at my house (despite me making it nice for them and buying bunk beds for my son and her) - don’t ask me why as honestly I’ve got no clue. He just says he wants 1-1 time with her he doesn’t get when here. But he’s continued to leave me when we just had a newborn discharged from NICU.
Our baby was born on 2nd October when I was 33weeks + 5 days pregnant due to baby stopping moving and going into distress - I had to have a CAT2 emergency section and spent 21 days in NICU. He is now about 5/6 weeks corrected developmentally so still acts like a newborn and it’s very hard for me to do anything as I am breastfeeding.
He left to go to his parents on Friday 19th for Christmas. His reasoning for going there is that the first year she’s got true understanding so wants 1-1 time with her over Christmas to make it special (she’s 4) I’ve offered over and over to have her here with us and her baby brother but no apparently he wouldn’t get enough quality time. I was planning to make Christmas really special for all 3 kids especially as his daughter adores her newest baby brother but barely gets to see him as we’re always left here whilst she stays at DP’s parents on his weekends.
He half heartedly said I can stop in at his parents for Christmas lunch a few weeks ago but I’ve said no as his mum doesn’t like Christmas, is always moody and doesn’t like a single crumb in her lounge or her house getting messy. I wouldn’t be comfortable and my son would not have an enjoyable Christmas as wouldn’t be able to play properly.
I woke up at 5am with my 12 week baby and older son. On my own. I’m breastfeeding on demand and my baby was born 7w premature so is extra needy.
All morning I had gotten whinging and crying. Just about managed to cook some kind of dinner but most of it was burnt as I couldn’t put baby down.
I delivered him, his parents and his daughters presents Christmas Eve but none of us had got presents from him or his family…
I feel like second best. He doesn’t care and I don’t feel like a priority at all. He says my baby won’t remember this Christmas so it doesn’t matter but it’s the principle.
I’ve just sat here all week feeling so hurt and angry plus having no adult contact on Christmas Day felt pretty crappy.
He’s not come home yet as I’ve expressed how hurt I am and said I don’t want to see him until I’ve rationalised.
Am I being unreasonable this or is this strange behaviour?! He thinks he’s done nothing wrong and keeps saying ‘just because I want to see my daughter you’re having a go at me’ etc and doesn’t see my side at all.