Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be angry / hurt - DP missed Dc first Xmas

175 replies

Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 17:39

I will try not to drip feed.
DP and I have 1 DC ( very very newborn ) I have older children and he has no other children.
when discussing what was happening for Xmas I knew I would be giving birth shortly before.
He told me he wanted us to spend it together at home.
usually me and my older children would spend it with my family and my parents house.
he said he would pop to his parents house in the morning and I would do the same and then spend from late morning at home.
spoke to my family and told them we wouldn’t be coming for Xmas dinner.
I did the food shopping / organising and cooking.
Xmas day I don’t hear from him until gone 6 pm saying due to some change of plans with his family it ended up being later but that he was going to make his way now. Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas.
he is now extremely mad at me that I kept him from seeing his DC on Xmas day.

that wasn’t ny intention but I knew I was upset - I knew there had been some drama with his family and didn’t want to bring it back in to the home Xmas day.

OP posts:
MushroomQueen · 28/12/2025 17:43

So you’ve got a newborn and he left you all on Christmas Day until 6pm, missing the entire day to spend with his family having their Xmas lunch etc and didn’t contact you ?! That’s insane if I’ve read that correctly and YANBU at all I’d be furious

ChrimboLimbo · 28/12/2025 17:45

MushroomQueen · 28/12/2025 17:43

So you’ve got a newborn and he left you all on Christmas Day until 6pm, missing the entire day to spend with his family having their Xmas lunch etc and didn’t contact you ?! That’s insane if I’ve read that correctly and YANBU at all I’d be furious

Agree, that's what I understood - I would seriously consider if it is worth continuing this relationship.

Jinglejells · 28/12/2025 17:45

Why wouldn’t you have contacted him much earlier in the day?

Moonnstarz · 28/12/2025 17:46

Do you live together?

Original poster
Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 17:46

MushroomQueen · 28/12/2025 17:43

So you’ve got a newborn and he left you all on Christmas Day until 6pm, missing the entire day to spend with his family having their Xmas lunch etc and didn’t contact you ?! That’s insane if I’ve read that correctly and YANBU at all I’d be furious

Yes pretty much - apparently his family had changed their plans and had been some form of argument.
I just ended up spending the day with the kids - which was fine they all had a great day. I was very hurt though. I wouldn’t mind him spending Xmas with family at all but we had made plans.

OP posts:
Original poster
Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 17:47

Jinglejells · 28/12/2025 17:45

Why wouldn’t you have contacted him much earlier in the day?

I did …

OP posts:
tumbletoast · 28/12/2025 17:47

Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas

So you told him not to come and now you're angry that he didn't come?

The way you've told this makes you both sound as bad as each other. Why cut your nose off to spite your face?

2026NewTricks · 28/12/2025 17:49

Well it clearly wasn’t that important to him to see his child or he would have got there earlier.

YANBU.

Original poster
Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 17:50

tumbletoast · 28/12/2025 17:47

Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas

So you told him not to come and now you're angry that he didn't come?

The way you've told this makes you both sound as bad as each other. Why cut your nose off to spite your face?

Yes at 6pm I told him not to make his way when he finally contacted me back.
by the time he would have got to me would have been 7pm after a day of chaos with children who were all extremely tired at this point.
dinner had come and gone.
I didn’t want the day to end in an argument.

OP posts:
ZenNudist · 28/12/2025 17:50

I'd be reconsidering the relationship. If he'd said he could have left you to see your family if he was going to leave you alone.

justpassmethemouse · 28/12/2025 17:50

This is a bit weird.

So he just accepted you not wanting him home in the evening without a protest.

Which makes you the bad guy for “keeping him from seeing his DC” 🙄

If he wanted to see them so much, why wasn’t he home as planned?

What was the family drama you didn’t want him to bring home? The issue of him being out all day, or something else that we don’t have details for? I presume the ins and outs of the “drama with his family” in the last paragraph isn’t relevant.

Original poster
Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 17:52

justpassmethemouse · 28/12/2025 17:50

This is a bit weird.

So he just accepted you not wanting him home in the evening without a protest.

Which makes you the bad guy for “keeping him from seeing his DC” 🙄

If he wanted to see them so much, why wasn’t he home as planned?

What was the family drama you didn’t want him to bring home? The issue of him being out all day, or something else that we don’t have details for? I presume the ins and outs of the “drama with his family” in the last paragraph isn’t relevant.

It is not relevant- I think it all stemmed down to his mum being upset over everyone else’s plans. Nothing like death or anything

OP posts:
mediummumma · 28/12/2025 17:52

YANBU. What a selfish arsehole! If I were you I’d go to my parents next year, or whatever else would suit you, and invite him to fall in with those plans or to sort himself out accordingly. He clearly cannot be relied upon to prioritise you or your children.

Makemeanonymous · 28/12/2025 17:52

tumbletoast · 28/12/2025 17:47

Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas

So you told him not to come and now you're angry that he didn't come?

The way you've told this makes you both sound as bad as each other. Why cut your nose off to spite your face?

I dont see why you think OP did anything wrong.

Her DP did not keep to the arrangements they had made and because she was, quite rightly, annoyed about this she told him not to bother coming because there would have been an argument. And that would have spoilt the day for her children. It was very wise of her to tell him not to bother.

RampantIvy · 28/12/2025 17:53

I'm guessing that the baby was a surpise and he wasn't completely on board with becoming a parent.

I'm sorry you are involved with someone who doesn't care.

MCF86 · 28/12/2025 17:53

He requested you spend xmas at home, and then didn't show up?
A sign of things to come, sadly. YANBU

Petrie999 · 28/12/2025 17:54

I honestly find it quite strange that two people who have chosen to have a baby together, who is very newborn, would need to even make plans to spend christmas together. It should be a given. However in your shoes I would also be annoyed and would say don't bother coming, if I felt it would cause an argument. I'd be confused that he didn't see me/us as enough of family to want to spend the day with and frustrated with the lack of communication or appreciation for having prepared for christmas day.

Fellontheground · 28/12/2025 17:55

Sounds a bit like an episode of Eastenders. How long have you been even known him?

WallaceinAnderland · 28/12/2025 17:55

It sounds like you are two single people who have had a baby together. Very odd.

LIZS · 28/12/2025 17:59

He is not reliable nor committed to you the baby. Fortunately his child is too young to grasp it but don’t give him the opportunity to disappoint again in future. Is he or are you intending him to be on the birth certificate?

Overalls · 28/12/2025 18:00

It's beyond me to understand how the man didn't want to spend Christmas with his new born first child. He must be a total shitbox.

Jinglejells · 28/12/2025 18:03

RampantIvy · 28/12/2025 17:53

I'm guessing that the baby was a surpise and he wasn't completely on board with becoming a parent.

I'm sorry you are involved with someone who doesn't care.

100% this

Overalls · 28/12/2025 18:04

Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 17:52

It is not relevant- I think it all stemmed down to his mum being upset over everyone else’s plans. Nothing like death or anything

Show quote history

You and your child should be his priority now, not his mother.

BTW - his mother created a drama on Christmas day because of 'everyone else's plans'. She sounds trouble and he sounds like a milksop.

Original poster
Alwaysaxmasdrama12 · 28/12/2025 18:05

Fellontheground · 28/12/2025 17:55

Sounds a bit like an episode of Eastenders. How long have you been even known him?

12 years 🤣 so not strangers no.

OP posts:
IwishIcouldconfess · 28/12/2025 18:10

How old are you both?

How old are your other children