AIBU to be angry / hurt - DP missed Dc first Xmas

[Alwaysaxmasdrama12]

I will try not to drip feed.
DP and I have 1 DC ( very very newborn ) I have older children and he has no other children.
when discussing what was happening for Xmas I knew I would be giving birth shortly before.
He told me he wanted us to spend it together at home.
usually me and my older children would spend it with my family and my parents house.
he said he would pop to his parents house in the morning and I would do the same and then spend from late morning at home.
spoke to my family and told them we wouldn’t be coming for Xmas dinner.
I did the food shopping / organising and cooking.
Xmas day I don’t hear from him until gone 6 pm saying due to some change of plans with his family it ended up being later but that he was going to make his way now. Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas.
he is now extremely mad at me that I kept him from seeing his DC on Xmas day.

that wasn’t ny intention but I knew I was upset - I knew there had been some drama with his family and didn’t want to bring it back in to the home Xmas day.

Bloody hell that’s awful. Yanbu. He’s a fucking idiot. He’s missed his first child’s Christmas. What a selfish arsehole

This is exactly how I see it.

he left here around 7 to drop his nephews present off at his parents ( baby was asleep )
he had made this arrangement with his mum - who I’m guessing at this point is the common factor in it all. Who said she was fine with him missing “ family “ Christmas as long as he was there to see nephews open their gifts.
he asked if I wanted to attend weeks ago - I said no as didn’t want to deal with travelling around in the car.

the kids woke up and I took them to my parents ( they live around the corner ) one because I needed to lend something and then we stayed for a bit and they gave the kids their presents from them.

we arrived home at around 10.45 and that’s when I first messaged to say we are home - he did message me back this one time saying something along the lines of been a bit of a delay with brother will leave shortly so knew he would be a bit later than 11.

that was the last I heard from him until 6 in which he finally responded with his brother has caused a massive delays which caused an argument with his mum who was upset then that no one wanted to spend Christmas with he - Getting ready to leave now.

+1 on send him back to mammy.

Pathetic behaviour.

It’s not his mother or brother’s fault. It’s his fault.
really sorry you’re in this mess now, but he sounds completely useless, selfish, lazy and unapologetic. You’re better than this.

It's almost like you haven't read the original post

Im
assuming what really happened was he got caught up with his brother and had a drink

Oooooo I'd be fucking furious, packing his bags and sending him back to mummy.
What a pathetic excuse
You mean he ended up being coaxed into dinner and drinks with HIS maternal family. Leaving his post partum partner at home with all the children on Christmas Day

Utterly disgusting.

I couldn’t give two hoots about “family dramas” it is inexcusable that the father of your new born child ignored his phone all day and changed the time he’d be coming home by 7+ hours.

Imagine if you’d had an emergency with your baby and he was just ignoring you.

The world could be ending and his first instinct should be to be at home with you and your baby for Christmas. Fuck the family dramas excuse and fuck him quite frankly.

"I messaged him multiple times through out the day and rang him twice. I did not sit ringing him all day though as I had the children."
This gave him ample opportunity to respond and let you know what was happening, e.g. 'nephews not here yet should be here in 30 mins' - it would have kept you informed. Or, he could have spontaneously contacted you with an update / apology / something. But no, he chose not to contact you at all.

I'd be done.

No biggie, please let it go.
You have been together a long time and have a baby together.
Please ignore the posters who are advising you to leave or reconsider the relationship.
The baby won't be aware of his absence and you had a lovely day

Ott

Yes just accept low standards.

He obviously thinks his mum’s wishes trump yours and probably didn’t realise you would be upset about this. I would tell him in no uncertain terms that if he wants to make a family with you then that means that what is best for you and the family he claims to want comes above whatever his mother wants. If he can’t commit to that then he is out.

He’s trying to reverse this on you and make you the bad guy

I completely agree.

I actually don’t see anything wrong with either of you going to see your own families Xmas morning.

But he should have been back on time (or even an hour delayed at the worst) to cook the dinner as you have so recently had his baby.

I do not understand how you can have his baby, be in a relationship and not live together.
I am guessing this is the tip of the iceberg and there are already massive issues.

I would be done now OP.
Its better to be single than treated like this.

You clearly have set your bar very low.

Sorry but I totally think it’s this too, I doubt there was any drama. He was probably having a drink and couldn’t be bothered to come and spend time with his own kids because far easier doing fuck all with his mum running around after him. He doesn’t sound great tbh

This all sounds extremely messy. Is this your first Xmas together? It sounds like you had a kid in a relationship that is not entirely serious/ committed/ recognised by either of your families. How come everyone wants to see you separately despite you having a child together - and why you accept this? It should have been - some time at mine, some time at yours, together.

But as its just a weird half-relationship I think you are free to do whatever you want to do. He is not your husband, not your fiancé. He cant shut up, basically.

@Alwaysaxmasdrama12 so I can make some sense of it, please can you clarify a few things?

You answered 12 years in response to "how long have you known him?" Is 12 years the amount of time you've been together?

How old are your older kids then?

You put home in quotes. So does he actually live with you?

I'd not be particularly happy if my DP left the house at 7am when we had a newborn to go to another house for Christmas morning, let alone not returned for a meal he knew I was cooking. If you've been together for 12 years then he'll have been in your older kids' lives a long time, didn't he want to see them open their presents?

And his mother is not to blame here. He is.

He prioritised his family over you and your newborn. He knew you were cooking Christmas dinner, but then chose to stay at his mother’s and eat there. You’re not the bad guy here.

But she also learned that she, and baby, are way down his list of priorities and that he doesn't even think she deserves the slightest bit of consideration... he didn't even keep her updated on the fact he wasn't coming home until 7 hours after he was meant to, despite him being the one that asked they spend it together at home!

The living situation has not been due to any disputes or anything like that. More legal reasons and protection we both understand and were sorting out. Has not caused any arguments though.

No sorry someone asked how long I knew him which is 12 years- we have not been together in a relationship for 12 years ( 3 years )

So you don't live together?

It’s got nothing to do with the baby knowing if he was there or not it’s the lack of respect he’s showed her by saying he’d be home at 11am and then ignoring her for 7 hours!

Who the f does that?

It just shows his true priorities.