AIBU to be angry / hurt - DP missed Dc first Xmas

[Alwaysaxmasdrama12]

I will try not to drip feed.
DP and I have 1 DC ( very very newborn ) I have older children and he has no other children.
when discussing what was happening for Xmas I knew I would be giving birth shortly before.
He told me he wanted us to spend it together at home.
usually me and my older children would spend it with my family and my parents house.
he said he would pop to his parents house in the morning and I would do the same and then spend from late morning at home.
spoke to my family and told them we wouldn’t be coming for Xmas dinner.
I did the food shopping / organising and cooking.
Xmas day I don’t hear from him until gone 6 pm saying due to some change of plans with his family it ended up being later but that he was going to make his way now. Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas.
he is now extremely mad at me that I kept him from seeing his DC on Xmas day.

that wasn’t ny intention but I knew I was upset - I knew there had been some drama with his family and didn’t want to bring it back in to the home Xmas day.

I completely disagree. I think people often jump to the LTB too quick on here but the OP has really been shown that she does not matter to the man. No half decent man would leave their partner, who had recently given birth, on their own with the children all of Christmas day. It's a huge let down. Unless you are from a culture that doesn't celebrate Christmas you must surely see that this certainly is a 'biggie'.

Well yes he is here 98 percent of the time but it’s my house and he owns his own house.

there is a reason for this though regarding my children.

this is something that we have seeked legal help around.

It's called standards sweetie. You should try setting some.

I can’t believe he wasn’t spending the entire day with his child. He could have dropped off presents any day before.

Thanks, that's what I assumed, that you hadn't been together 12 years but had known him that long because that's the Q you answered. Other people have been assuming it's been 12 years though.

Out of interest, why aren't you saying how old your older children are?

Sounds like neither of you want to be together, still playing childish games when you have children.

You were home for 11 as planned/agreed and he didn't contact you for SEVEN HOURS AFTER THAT? He chose not to spend Christmas with you or his child. He chose to miss Christmas Dinner with you and his child. He sounds like a dead beat. When someone show you who they are, believe them.

Legal/protection (going by another post of yours) round your children? Yes, this is a messy set-up. And now he didn't show up for his newborn.

Sorry to say it sounds like you have a lot of stress in store.

I would be fuming he suggested you all stay home and then didnt stay home. He doesn’t have a leg to stand on

Do you live together? If yes, then YABU to tell him not to come home.

If no and the kids were already in bed asleep then that's different. But 7pm really isn't that late.

It wouldn't have made a difference to the newborn who was around as long it's needs are met. But you really shouldnt use children to punish your partner. You could have dealt with it differently.

Oh it wasn’t intentional
they are 12 and 8

I think this man is a disgrace. He needs to show up and grow up.
Is he expexting to move in with you and you pay?
Hes a father now and you need to read him the riot act.

Can’t believe what I’m reading! You gave birth a few days before Christmas but did all the food shopping and cooked a Christmas dinner while alone with a newborn and the older DC?!!
That’s insane- no way back from that for me, I’d finish things with him

Not really - so we not always tell women to protect their assets ?

Thanks for answering. So your DP has known you for all of their lives, and presumably them for a big amount of time, and he basically lives with you, but he didn't mind about not seeing them open their stockings?

He isn't really grown up enough to have a baby is he. Most people manage to choose to live together and still protect their existing children's interests too so this seems rather off to me. Is it inheritance-wise or so the household income is lower? Very odd and the way things are at the moment is not the stable home that all your children need. He is not what you all need. You seem to be putting up with a lot and still be managing to do a great job.

I think you need to decide if someone so uncaring, irresponsible and unreliable is someone you really want around your children. Otherwise he can start paying maintenance and work around a visiting schedule for the newborn that suits you.

None of this matters. He should have been there at 11am. He's a waste of space.

OP your standards need scraping up off the floor.

Op, your bar is set really astonishingly low. Why did you buy the food for Christmas dinner and plan to make it when you have a newborn? Why wasn’t this automatically his job? He clearly doesn’t see you as a partner.

Is he doing his share of childcare and is he paying his way?

He's rubbish isn't he?

Can I ask what he contributes financially? He's living with you virtually all the time. Does he pay his share of the bills? Would it be cheaper for you to live separately?

He sounds incredibly immature and his family sound awful. I think you need to be prepared to be a single mum again.

She's angry that he didn't come when he said he would. He let her down.There is no way that OP is in the wrong here. She managed to give all her children a great Christmas Day with a Christmas dinner, even though she is coping with a new born baby.

But you missed the part where he wasn’t even planning on cooking Christmas dinner even though the OP had just given birth to his baby? Are your standards really that low?

So to be fair - I didn’t mind cooking Christmas dinner at all.
I did expect him to eat it though 🤣

I think I'd leave someone left me waiting for them for 7 hours on Christmas Day. It's completely unreasonable.

It doesn't sound like he things you are a proper couple.

Yeah, so funny.