AIBU to be angry / hurt - DP missed Dc first Xmas

[Alwaysaxmasdrama12]

I will try not to drip feed.
DP and I have 1 DC ( very very newborn ) I have older children and he has no other children.
when discussing what was happening for Xmas I knew I would be giving birth shortly before.
He told me he wanted us to spend it together at home.
usually me and my older children would spend it with my family and my parents house.
he said he would pop to his parents house in the morning and I would do the same and then spend from late morning at home.
spoke to my family and told them we wouldn’t be coming for Xmas dinner.
I did the food shopping / organising and cooking.
Xmas day I don’t hear from him until gone 6 pm saying due to some change of plans with his family it ended up being later but that he was going to make his way now. Told him not to bother - the kids and a wonderful day with me and all had a good dinner and are now chilling - stay at his parents to avoid an argument that would ruin Christmas.
he is now extremely mad at me that I kept him from seeing his DC on Xmas day.

that wasn’t ny intention but I knew I was upset - I knew there had been some drama with his family and didn’t want to bring it back in to the home Xmas day.

He has a mortgage that he pays.

he doesn’t contribute to my house in terms of the actual house. Does contribute to his cost of staying here.

My children only have one living parent and so my house is our house. It’s a situation that I looked in to when deciding not to sell and uproot them in to a shared house.

Kindly, we’d all be telling a woman not to get pregnant by a man she doesn’t live with.
You’ve been together 3 years and still not sorted out the legal aspect.

You’re both paying full rent/mortgage and you’re in a very vulnerable position.

I can’t see why he can’t rent out his place and then pay half of your bills.

It’s a worry to read about someone in such a vulnerable position, especially when you’re treated so poorly.

I agree this is poor. TBH the first thing I would be doing is checking that he was with his family all day and not somewhere else.

I don’t have a mortgage. I also am very financially stable.

It is fair enough to protect your children but you also need a stable environment for your new child. Will you be planning on moving in together at any point? Will he be paying maintenance?

You really need to ask these questions because he has shown you that he doesn’t see you as his partner and his extended family are much higher in his priorities (why is watching his nephew open presents more important that watching your children who he has known for years?)

Disappearing for seven hours on Christmas Day is insane.

I also know we didn’t plan a baby - although of course our fault that we have one.
when considering the options of having the baby I ultimately decided to go through with it due to me knowing either way I could financially and emotionally raise another child well.
the decision has never been regretted.

So you told him not to come and now you're angry that he didn't come?

This.

She told him not to come hours after he was supposed to be there.

He isn't really grown up enough to have a baby is he.

Sounds like he didn't want a baby. Sounds like the OP decided to keep a baby he didn't want.

OP, I am glad you own your home and are in a stable.place financially. I am also pleased that you didn't let him ruin your children's christmas.

The fact he didn't contact you from that initial delay text around 11am until 6pm is inexcusable unless he was on a hospital trolley unconscious. Which he wasn't.

I wouldn't want him turning up after 7 and having to act all happy infront of thr kids, holding back until they were in bed then hearing his lame excuses after such a busy day and having only recently giving birth. You did the right thing.

How dare he try to blame you. I wouldn't let this go easily. He doesn't sound to be in the same place as you responsibility/commitment wise. Is this a first let down or does he always not treat and respect you the way you deserve?

That's right, she did.

She’s angry that he didn’t come home at 11 to spend the day with them- not that he didn’t come home when she told him not to.

He doesn't sound to be in the same place as you responsibility/commitment wise.

He certainly doesn't. So better not to have had a baby with him.

OP, massive well done for holding it together and doing Christmas with the kids, all with a newborn baby! You are a superwoman.

As for your “D”P, this is on him. You made a very smart decision to tell him not to come home that evening - as the many threads on here about arguments at Christmas will attest. I aspire to have your level of composure and forethought x

This is absolutely unacceptable. To leave you with a newborn and the older kids all day. To not contact you until SEVEN HOURS after he was supposed to be back. Honestly this sounds like a deal breaker. What kind of man behaves like that and treats his partner like that? Pure selfish

So your DP when completely non contact out of the blue for 7 hours on Christmas Day when you had plans to spend the day with him and the kids. That seems beyond outrageously atrocious to me - I can't even imagine anyone, never mind a DP who I had a newborn with, doing that. If he is also now playing the victim there is something incredibly messed up in your relationship - he should begging your forgiveness for how badly he behaved.

This!

His own child wasn't a priority for him, why is he now blaming you?

He doesn't sound trustworthy.

Who wouldn't run through fire to their babies first Christmas? Nope you did great ..who needs a end of day arrival..pitiful / no effort on his part.

Really reflect on this, it's a useful message OP

Lovely priorities there.

There’s so much wrong in this scenario:

He told you he’d be back at 11 and then decided 7 hours later is when he’d actually come back.

He ignored your continued attempts to contact him throughout the day knowing that you were sat waiting for him, you’d gone to the effort to cook Christmas dinner, that you have a newborn baby to care for and that it was his child’s first Christmas.

He stopped you from spending the day with your family because you made the visit to them a short one so you could get home to be with him.

You and your child are so far down on his priority list.

To add to my previous post. His family should behave their selves too. Do they know you've had the baby?
Youve got a paid off mortgage, he hasn't. Sounds love bomby to me and they always change when you have a baby of theirs.
Ive just seen this too many times to think this man child is in love with you.

I think this nails it. He, in his mind, is still single.

Op does he go out a lot, stay at his parents, friends a lot? Not hinting at an affair, but I get the impression that he really does think he's single and your a convince that he can pick up...

Whilst you're angry,y ou make excuses for him 'long day ' 'children being tired '...if you're together for 12 years and there not his, so they are teenagers.

There's nowt more attractive than a woman wih a paid off mortgage and a good career!