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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

593 replies

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 27/12/2025 21:33

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

OP posts:
Atsocta · 28/12/2025 19:05

Under no circumstances drive, tell his dad to order him a cab if his that bothered about him getting a lift ,..what a cheeky #£@&*&@

Joeninety · 28/12/2025 19:05

He seems quite a disappointment to keep on pushing this, when you COULD be over the limit.

4forksache · 28/12/2025 19:15

Yes better now, than when feelings got deeper.

AcquadiP · 28/12/2025 19:16

Charliede1182 · 28/12/2025 16:44

I don't drive at all because I have a syncopal disorder - it is about making the responsible choice and not putting yourself or others at risk, even if it is inconvenient.

There is no "safe" quantity of alcohol because everyone metabolises differently, one person could sink several pints and pass a police test, someone else could have a thimbleful of wine with a meal and be over the legal blood threshold for several hours.

Additionally the subjective impact of alcohol is very individual too, some people can feel impaired despite having a blood level that is legal.

Nobody should put pressure on you to drive if you don't feel comfortable. I'd make him get a taxi and seriously rethink the relationship going forward.

I agree with you about the alcohol as I know my own reactions to it can vary a great deal. Sometimes, I can have a couple of glasses of my favourite tipple and be perfectly sound (though not sound enough to drive); on other occasions I feel giddy, sleepy or both part way through the second glass. As you say, it's all about being a responsible driver and my policy is I won't drive if I've been drinking or if I'm feeling very tired. It's just not worth the risk.

JoshLymanSwagger · 28/12/2025 19:25

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall I read your posts in the small hours - I'm so glad your wonderful DS came to the rescue.
Don't waver in your opinion of your ex. Keep him blocked.
I do think you have done the right thing, reading between the lines slightly.
Have a joyous New Year with your nearest and dearest and DO NOT LOOK BACK.
💐

Missmargo · 28/12/2025 19:47

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

CantBreathe90 · 28/12/2025 19:51

Good for you dumping the tosspot - in a parallel multiverse somewhere, you're coming to grips with having run someone over.

On a side note, how embarrassing for the 25 year old son 😬 No wonder he's so incapable though when his dad acts like that!

alexdgr8 · 28/12/2025 19:53

Yes. I think we know why your son is a different kettle of fish to his.
Apple.
Tree...

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 19:58

CantBreathe90 · 28/12/2025 19:51

Good for you dumping the tosspot - in a parallel multiverse somewhere, you're coming to grips with having run someone over.

On a side note, how embarrassing for the 25 year old son 😬 No wonder he's so incapable though when his dad acts like that!

I was once advised by a friend to use Multiverse Theory when making decisions. Imagine the best case scenario and the worst case scenario and play those out. Be Dr Strange when he says he has played out 14 billion scenarios and Tony says "In how many do we win" and Dr Strange holds up one finger.

I have used this and it works! When you really think through all the possible scenarios, the obvious answer always stands out. In this case it was an easy one, but some quandries are more nuanced, and thats where MT really does work. I recommend it.

Boutonnière · 28/12/2025 19:59

A flatmate's brother celebrated the end of a driving ban for drink driving by going out and partying. Didn't drive that night but got caught at 7am the next morning in a police trap, still registering over the limit ( it was around Xmas and they were running a campaign) He was then, and remains a fool, though has reformed his drink driving ways, apparently .

RecordBreakers · 28/12/2025 20:06

Glad you got out safely last night.

Your ds was a star.
What a nasty piece of work your ex was that he felt he could intimidate you in to it.
I can't understand why a 25 yr old thought it was reasonable to ask his Dad to come out, when a) he isn't living with his Dad and b) he knew his Dad isn't able to drive at the moment. Why wouldn't he just kip down on the floor of whoever he'd been out with's house?

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:06

Didntwenearlyhaveitall · 28/12/2025 13:06

He has been told not to drive due to a visual problem. It is hopefully something that will be treatable, but it’s still being investigated. I understand his frustration. It can’t be easy for him. I know I felt very vulnerable not being able to drive last night.

Show quote history

Should have told him to go get his son, it would probably be fine, and isn't a big issue 🤷‍♀️

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 20:09

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:06

Should have told him to go get his son, it would probably be fine, and isn't a big issue 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

So in your opinion a person who cant drive due to sight issues will probably be fine? At night. After he had been drinking.

Right.

Wont ever be accepting a lift from you.

B1anche · 28/12/2025 20:16

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:06

Should have told him to go get his son, it would probably be fine, and isn't a big issue 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

He has a visual impairment, had been drinking, it was night time and he would have been driving through narrow country lanes. What could possibly go wrong? 🙄

MummyofTw0 · 28/12/2025 20:16

At least he's shown you his true colours. Sounds like you've had a lucky exit. Well done to you for not caving x

Tillow4ever · 28/12/2025 20:19

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 20:09

So in your opinion a person who cant drive due to sight issues will probably be fine? At night. After he had been drinking.

Right.

Wont ever be accepting a lift from you.

Show quote history

They were clearly saying turn it around on the now ex and point out if it was no big deal for her after a few drinks then obviously it was no big deal for him either. So he would have realised what a twat he was being.

AcquadiP · 28/12/2025 20:24

Tillow4ever · 28/12/2025 20:19

They were clearly saying turn it around on the now ex and point out if it was no big deal for her after a few drinks then obviously it was no big deal for him either. So he would have realised what a twat he was being.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes, I read it that way too.

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:24

PyongyangKipperbang · 28/12/2025 20:09

So in your opinion a person who cant drive due to sight issues will probably be fine? At night. After he had been drinking.

Right.

Wont ever be accepting a lift from you.

Show quote history

I'm repeating back to him what he's basically said to her regarding her being over the limit

Theslummymummy · 28/12/2025 20:25

B1anche · 28/12/2025 20:16

He has a visual impairment, had been drinking, it was night time and he would have been driving through narrow country lanes. What could possibly go wrong? 🙄

Show quote history

Missed the point

CharlotteCChapel · 28/12/2025 20:34

gogomomo2 · 27/12/2025 21:59

Not being able to get a taxi is very likely if it’s like where we live, near impossible unless prebooked a week ahead

Do you live by me?

Zerosleep · 28/12/2025 20:52

I also don’t drive after I have had any alcohol so it would be a clear no from me and he stops harassing or you get an uber home. What a cheeky f**ker! Red flag 🚩

PlumpHobbit · 28/12/2025 20:59

Im another who wont drive if ive even had one drink, its not worth the risk

It sounds like he agrees with risking being over the limit and if he were in your position, he would have done it

You mention it has been a bit tricky lately due to him not being able to drive (are you sure this is definitely due to a medical issue, which i know is possible, or do you think hes using it as a cover up for a ban?) It would be even more tricky if you got caught drink driving and lost your licence (or worse) as then neither of you could drive

Also what if your reaction is slightly dulled and someone gets killed because of him having made you drive, youd never forgive yourself

I completely agree with your stance

His son is an adult, so perfectly capable of getting a taxi or other form of public transport - if you want to drink, you should plan how to get home

I think the limit should be 0, or low enough that the tiniest amount e.g. mouthwash is ok. Different people have different tolerance for example im not sure id be under the limit enough to drive after a spirit and mixer (which i think youre allowed?)

Power26 · 28/12/2025 21:11

Rightsraptor · 28/12/2025 18:42

I can only think you haven't read all Op's posts as her ex's son is 25 & she's met him once, so this treating him the same as her own adulr children doesn't come into it.

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I can only think your reading comprehension a poor and that you’re a bit dim. The ex himself mentioned she wouldn’t treat her own kids like this? My post was merely saying that line of thought from the ex would have continued if she stayed. Christ.

Hollietree · 28/12/2025 21:27

What a wonderful son you have raised. If he isn’t a husband already - he will make a wonderful one one day soon. Hug him close today and tell him how proud you are.

And what a Queen you are for knowing your worth and blocking the twat. From this stranger on the internet to another stranger - I am bloody proud of you. Onwards and upwards 👑

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