To refuse to drive even though I MAY be under limit?

[Didntwenearlyhaveitall]

I’ve known ‘D’P for around 9 months. We don’t live together.
I’ve divided my time over Christmas driving between him and my friends and family,
Today we’d arranged that I would stay at his.
Things have been a bit tense lately due to a hopefully temporary restriction on his driving ( health related), but today has been great.
We have been happy staying in and chilling, cooking together, lots of laughter. For the first time this Christmas I’ve been able to have a couple of alcoholic drinks.
Around 10 minutes ago his adult son phoned him for a lift. Clearly he couldn’t do this but instead of saying no, or suggesting a taxi he seemed to expect that I would do it.
I said no, I had had alcohol and would not be driving.
He started off trying to persuade me, saying I probably wasn’t over the limit, he would have done it if it wasn’t for his medical problem, etc.
I have been driving for many years and I never drive after drinking alcohol. I could possibly have had a glass or two of wine over Christmas, but I didn’t as I feel that there is no safe limit.
Things progressed and he is getting more insistent and unreasonable.
I’ve shut myself in the bathroom to get away and gather my thoughts.

And he is asking OP to drive what I’d assume was his most treasured possession!!! His child

madness

Right? It was insta-deleted so presumably a troll.

I suspect he’d told his son in advance to ring and you’d pick him up

I don't drive at all because I have a syncopal disorder - it is about making the responsible choice and not putting yourself or others at risk, even if it is inconvenient.

There is no "safe" quantity of alcohol because everyone metabolises differently, one person could sink several pints and pass a police test, someone else could have a thimbleful of wine with a meal and be over the legal blood threshold for several hours.

Additionally the subjective impact of alcohol is very individual too, some people can feel impaired despite having a blood level that is legal.

Nobody should put pressure on you to drive if you don't feel comfortable. I'd make him get a taxi and seriously rethink the relationship going forward.

It’s probably for the best that things are over as he was clearly stating that you treat your own kids better than his - it would have been a sticking point forever. Ie anytime you give your kids money, support, childcare etc he’d be piping up about inequality or whatever even if it’s something his kids should have the wherewithal to sort. It wasn’t a once and done argument.

He sounds absolutely unhinged and entitled to boot.
I wouldn't do 2 hours driving at night for my own children unless it was an emergency, I wouldn't do it with alcohol.
He's some CF making his 25 year olds fxxk up your 2 hour round trip problem.
What an abusive bully.
Well done for getting out of there sharpish.

He could well be out of action long term, you are well out of it.

My DD had been driving just over 2 yrs, drank her last drink at around midnight, had a McDs for breakfast and STILL crashed on a windy back road, breathalised and was over the limit - just

But over none the less

Not worth the risk due to my daughters experience

Affected her gettinb to work not to mention the financial implications, car was a right off but still owed approx 8 grand obv insura.nce was out the window it was a nightmare for me as a mother too

You are NOT unreasonable

As a driver its your call about your fitness to drive for whatever reason.

Interesting that when I was diagnosed as diabetic it upset my sight for a few weeks so I didnt drive but needless to say my ex wife entirety refused to help with any transport arrangements involving our son.............

Agree

If his son knows his dad cant drive due to health problem then why is he requesting a lift? Who was he expecting to do it?

Totally the OP decision on whether to drive or not. Can’t believe all the people saying it was only two drinks. If she had been in a pub and had two measured singles you could safely say she had had two drinks then work out a time when these would have definitely metabolised. At home pouring your own these are likely to have been doubles or even trebles, so four or six drinks rather than two!
On holiday with Spanish measures I had two gins and one wine and could barely walk, I kept saying “but I only had three drinks” lol
Well done OP on sticking to your guns

OP, thank you for not even considering driving after you’d had a couple of drinks.

To anyone saying you’d probably have been under the limit, I say that’s still not worth the risk of reacting just a tiny bit too slowly to avoid hitting someone.

This is the part that puzzles me the most.
The first thing I said was that he couldn’t drive, so was his son asking for money for a taxi.
We were both drinking and he poured my second drink, so it’s not like he planned this.
I had been driving ‘ex’ anywhere he needed to go so maybe he had given his son the impression I would extend that to him.
He knows my boundary on drink driving though. If I drove us to the pub I would always have soft drinks.

It's best not to drive after any drink, anytime.
But Christmas when the cops have an eagle eye on everyone is asking for trouble.

You aren’t BU at all.
Id never drive after 1 drink. I get tiddly after 1. I know other people that drive after 1 pub measure of wine/ half pint/ with food etc. Im sure they feel ok to do it. But I know my limits.
Christmas is a time where I think local police forces are more hot on identifying drivers who are under the influence too. An accident, killing someone, losing your license, all things I want to avoid.

I’m really sorry you had to go through this, OP

Thank you. That’s kind of you.
I do feel a bit like I’ve dodged a bullet, and it’s a good thing he showed his true colours relatively early.
If I’m honest I was already a bit uncomfortable about a couple of things, so ending things now was probably for the best.

Wow that is a cautionary tale for people who think they can drive to work/wherever after having drinking the night before.

I think we need mini breathalyser machines that we can use the morning after (or even the evening after the lunchtime before).

According to the online Morning after calculator you wouldn't be able to drive for 5 hours after 3 gins. This time is calculated from when you have stopped drinking. It is not a tool designed to see how much you can drink and then drive but for the next morning when it would be OK to drive. Probably not foolproof but I think people would be shocked at the times it calculates and would be thinking of shorter times.

I can only think you haven't read all Op's posts as her ex's son is 25 & she's met him once, so this treating him the same as her own adulr children doesn't come into it.

We were both drinking and he poured my second drink, so it’s not like he planned this.
Drinks at home are probably bigger than pub measures.

So glad you are safe, and not devastated about the end of the relationship with someone who turned out to be a nasty man x

It's an awful attitude. You endanger your life and many others but that's okay because he needs you to drive. A disgusting attitude. You deserve better especially all the driving around you have dine

@Didntwenearlyhaveitall
I only read this thread tonight, with increasing disbelief, followed by alarm for your well-being, followed by relief that you got home safely

You don't say how old your son is, but he is the absolute hero of this story! 🦸🦸🦸

My son is 23.
It’s hard to believe ex’s son is older. My son is far more self sufficient and motivated. ( sorry if that sounds like a boast. He was great last night, and has been very supportive today).