My MIL has just announced she might stay until New Year

[Enterthewolves]

Am I being a complete bitch to want to cry? She’s no bother, really, likes me, is nice to the DC but has been here since 21/12. My DH is doing a lot of the work, cooked for Christmas, is off work for the run etc but I so wanted sometime in the house just us and the DC. I wanted to be able to go for long walks, catch up on some work/hobby stuff (she’s sleeping in my office), and just be… I’m struggling as it is with a heavy job, and a sense that my time is work or using the weekend to catch up on household shit (again DH does 50/50 and pulls his weight but his job is full on too). My FIL died a year ago and this is the first Christmas without him so I feel like a cow.

Your husband needs to talk to her and take her home tomorrow as planned. Talk to him.

Really? I have sympathy with the OP’s MIL BUT I don’t think MIL “needs” a 10 day stay with her DS and DIL. Widowhood does not necessarily make a woman needy of 24/7 company. It’s all a bit infantilising to assume it does. My recently widowed mother does not “need” to spend oceans of time with her adult children

I would feel the same as you OP. I’m climbing the walks after 2 days with house guests! 10 days would finish me! But I get the guilt!

Its a personal observation on the op's terrible taste in christmas period activities.

Everyone knows this is the abyss where laziness is expected

Very unreasonable.

I’d be demented too (and considering setting my own house on fire to smoke her out) but I do agree that it’s no coincidence that her husband has died and now she’s being like this.

Under the circumstances, I’d let her be. Sorry. You’ll get your reward in heaven, I’m sure. 😬

She could have asked rather than announced. No matter how nice she is, we all need a bit of downtime.

If it were my DM, I couldn't send her home for NY. I'd prioritise that first milestone with her, over meeting other people's needs im afraid. We have to accept this is what happens in life, sometimes. It's not an everyday occurance. At the same time, I'd find it hard because I dislike house guests. What does your DH feel?

@mumofoneAloneandwell your terrible choice of Christmas activities!

God babe, the fresh air has gone to your head - get yourself sat with a glass of wine and a pack of after 8s, stat xx

I am poking fun by the way 😄

My MIL stayed with us for 4 months after DHs dad died suddenly. She was just absolutely shellshocked with grief and could barely function. I'm not saying it was easy, it wasn't - I had 3 small children and my second son had just been diagnosed with autism. But looking back and with the benefit of hindsight, I'm glad we did. She was a good MIL and I miss her now she's no longer with us.

10 days might feel like a lot but it's a great kindness given it's her first Christmas as a widow. Just leave DH to entertain her and take yourself off for long walks, a look round the shops and a soak in the bath and an early night when you need to!

I understand your feelings because I don't really like people in my space that long, but given the circumstances maybe you should leave it, but don't feel pressure to host too much sounds like your DH has it covered, you can still go on your walks and things

I think you might have Covid coming on and don’t want to spread it.

Gosh. Is it really that bad to have her around. Go for long walks without her. Leave her to enjoy time with the kids. Work at the dining table. Try and enjoy how lucky you are to have her around.

If you feel you can’t say anything to MIL, then say to DH that he will need to up the entertaining of MIL himself - outside the house - and give you a bit of proper time off ,that you were expecting) before you are back at work. If he’s moaning he won’t get downtime , then he has to work out what to do about MIL.
You are being very kind to consider having her there for so long - especially while you are on annual leave.

This is very cheeky. Can’t you just say it doesn’t work for you?

And ignore this bollocks. You’re allowed to want to have time and your house entirely without visitors.

Imagine losing your husband OP, properly imagine it. Let the poor woman stay and be around family this year and next year put limits on it. There's nothing stopping you going for walks.

Is there no way to compromise? Find ways to have time for yourself and accommodate MIL? It's not bollocks. It's about trying to be compassionate and find solutions for everyone, not the usual combative mumsnet shit.

She’s been there since 21st. Time to go home and stop overstaying her welcome.

Having a preference for a few days of visitor free time is not combative at all. It’s called having a preference. And people are allowed to have them.

It always seems to be women that compromise what they want. And then they’re called combative for wanting something else.

I think to say 'ignore this bollocks' is combative. Surely there is a way to accommodate this situation? And isn't the DH supportive? So there are probably some solutions that could work for everyone?

Try put up with it...it could be you in years to come who has lost your husband and cant face new years eve alone!

I agree with the other kind posters here. I feel like callous attitudes are celebrated and the idea of going to any trouble for others is not palatable.

your mil will remember this Christmas forever. I can list the people who have shown me kindness over the years (60 plus years) and i remember so many times that people have opened their homes and I will never forget. I still talk about some of these moments.

also its the essence of Christmas to be generous and think of others. I try to be generous in every way.

Only if the op compromises. The others don’t compromise.

Could your DH go back with her and stay with her in her own home for a few days? He could say that he was planning to do some jobs around the house (things that FIL might have usually done). She is probably dreading going back to a cold empty house. Having DH there would ease her back in gently. You've been so kind to her already and your DH and MIL might actually both benefit from some time together after losing FIL.

Where is everyone getting 10 days from? The 21st to the 1st is 12 days. When are you and dh back to work?