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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

881 replies

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

OP posts:
Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

Squirrelchops1 · 27/12/2025 18:01

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

Ouch, but yes, a pretty relevant point!

isyouready · 27/12/2025 18:02

How awful for you. I just wanted to post as I saw you had no response. They are people that care about your situation. I hope you get replies from people wiser than me.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 27/12/2025 18:02

I would let my son and the woman carrying my grandchild move in if they needed to. You don’t want her fleeing to Korea. If baby is born here your son will have more rights. but I’m confused you said she’s leaving the country, but they want to move in?
if her parents are kinder, strong chance your son will become a tefl teacher in Korea and they’ll both move out there

TakeTheCuntingQuichePatricia · 27/12/2025 18:02

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

Whilst there was probably a better way to tell you, I agree with this post.

Sleepasaurus · 27/12/2025 18:03

What would you like him to do?

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

Poodlelove · 27/12/2025 18:03

I think he shouldn't have made you open it in front of everyone and spoken to you privately after Christmas.
I think maybe meeting her may help and try to be supportive.

stichguru · 27/12/2025 18:04

Yep my first thought. Have you had long discussions with your son about how you wish you hadn't had him so young, or would he think the fact that you were only 18 mean that you were quite happy for him to be a dad at 20?!

BettysRoasties · 27/12/2025 18:04

I mean don’t be shocked if he leaves the country to live somewhere with her.

You and I say this as a teen mum myself are hardly one to judge now are you.

BestZebbie · 27/12/2025 18:05

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

She is only here temporarily as a student and will be leaving the country, presumably to return to live in Korea, so yes.

IndigoBabble · 27/12/2025 18:06

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

Well yes if the baby’s mother decides to leave the country as was hinted at in the original post. Gosh what a shock and very insensitive of your son OP. Not sure I have much advice but I would be upset too x

SnowDaysAndBadLays · 27/12/2025 18:06

The fact your son announced the pregnancy this way shows immaturity.

Zanatdy · 27/12/2025 18:06

My mother was horrified when I told her I was pregnant (and not having an abortion as she tried to make me) when I was 16 and she was 38. But her 31yr old grandson has always been the apple of her eye. Once over the shock (and past the abortion limit) she accepted it and was always very supportive. Not much you can do about it, and his timing wasn’t great. But what’s done is done and now is the time to help him figure out the future.

Berlinlover · 27/12/2025 18:07

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

Of course it’s relevant 🙄

TesChique · 27/12/2025 18:07

Hes got 2-3 more years life experience than you did when having him.

Bit hypocritical that you feel hes too young.

HollyhockDays · 27/12/2025 18:07

You were younger when you had him!

Wolfpa · 27/12/2025 18:08

it was possibly the wrong way to tell you but saying no to them living with you may push your son to live in South Korea. At least you will have a nice place to visit them in the future

NuffSaidSam · 27/12/2025 18:08

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

It seems relevant to me.

dailyconniptions · 27/12/2025 18:10

ByNeatRoseMember · 27/12/2025 18:03

Is the fact she is Korean relevant then ?

Yes, won't be permanently living here.

Littletreefrog · 27/12/2025 18:11

So you are worried she will leave the country but also won't let them live with you.

I know it's a shock and people don't always react in the best way when put on the spot like that but I think you need to apologise for your reaction.

I would also consider whether you really won't let them move in with you. Whilst I appreciate its not where you wanted to be at 38. Do you want your son and grandchild living in South Korea instead?

TY78910 · 27/12/2025 18:11

You can’t change what’s done now. You can be disappointed in silence, but YABU for making him feel bad - he was clearly excited telling you the way he did. How do I put this mildly? You shat in his cornflakes.

It’s not uncommon for kids who were conceived early, to want children young. There’s something about growing up with your parents and grandparents active that makes it more appealing - it did for me, had mine at 25.

You can have feelings about the fact that he had a child with a girl on a student visa, that may have to go back, but that’s something you vent to your DH / sibling / friend and then support your DS through the logistics of.

I also can’t help but judge how you won’t support your child with living arrangements once GC is here. It’s not like he’s a college dropout, smoking weed all day on UC. He’s at uni, being productive.

Squirrelchops1 · 27/12/2025 18:12

What an amazing opportunity for your son to live in Asia. I sound sarcastic when I'm being absolutely genuine.

Octavia64 · 27/12/2025 18:12

He was probably expecting you to be happy.

clearly you are not.

NuffSaidSam · 27/12/2025 18:12

It's a massive shock and your son's immaturity shows in the way he told you. I think he's probably excited and thought you'd be happy though.

Take some time and a few deep breaths, apologise for initial reaction and work with him to make a plan. You kicking off isn't going to help any part of this situation. It's not really about you and whether you liked the way you were told or wether you haven't met the partner or whether you're too young to be a grandma etc etc. Once you're over the shock try looking outward a little more.