Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

Wouldn’t be ideal but who knows what he can achieve, a pregnancy is 9months we don’t know how long is left on his course or the women’s.

Renting your home isn’t always the worst thing in the world. As long as they between them can get a stable income and rent a house or flat.

I just don’t think you can have a baby at 17/18 yourself then be shocked and judgmental when your own children possibly follow the same.

Ops son is 20 and the girlfriend is 26 so she’s likely got her head screwed on a lot more than op or myself did when we were both having our first babies.

Pretty crass wrapping it up as a present but that's a twenty year old for you. I wonder if he is planning on settling down with her as if not he most likely would not have announced it like this.

I would be beyond shocked but you both owe one another an apology. Telling you as a surprise gift in front of others was completely insensitive..but most 20 yo guys are dufuses..which probably lends to your trepidation of his starting a family so young. However, you (and possibly his father) managed and while everything costs far more now, he'll manage..and hopefully step up to this major life challenge so young...but asking to live with you points towards not being that self sufficient yet. 2 sides to every coin. But telling you like that reeks of my father proposing to my mother (I wasnt in the picture yet) in front of his whole family at xmas...NOT. COOL. Just have a heart to heart AND a girls lunch w baby mama

I would have thought that the attitude in Korea to unmarried women, wouldn’t be conducive to them going there in the near future?

Yes, I’d be concerned for the future, job situation, etc. Even if he gets a graduate job immediately, he’s unlikely to earn enough to support his partner and child.

i think I’d have to agree to let them move in- but only temporarily. I think I’d be resigned to temporarily might turn into a long time unfortunately. Either that or benefits. Which might be the better option actually. What a mess.

The line stays readable for a long while . ask me how I know .
My DC are in their twenties , I still have the sticks - still readable

I don't give them as presents though !

Ouch, but yes, a pretty relevant point!

No, it fucking isn't. That was 20 thousand years ago.

Yea, OP, I would be worried and shows how immature your son is.

God, sorry, Horrendous situation....

This.

Will she be able to stay after her degree, won't her visa run out?
I don't think having a baby makes a difference to that.

She's a lot older than you were. And your son is older than you were, too. You're being hypocritical, honestly.

20,000 yrs ago?

He wrapped up the stick she peed on and had you open it in front of people? 😅 He does sound a bit dim to be honest. He’s got a couple of years on you when you had him though.

Squirrelchops1 · Today 18:12
What an amazing opportunity for your son to live in Asia. I sound sarcastic when I'm being absolutely genuine

Getting permanent residency in Korea isn’t easy. Op, can your son speak Korean?

Wow I wonder how the Korean grandparents will react. I bet they are not thrilled. It will be a massive headache when they inevitably split. I don't envy you OP, your son sounds very immature.

i think I’d have to agree to let them move in- but only temporarily

Hollow laugh at temporary

Is he working and earning a wage? Is she?

They'll be around for ever until she goes back to her country and family to raise her child there'

The Op may have been very young when she fell pregnant,and no doubt she loves her DS, but she knows better than anyone that being a parent so young isn't easy or for the best. Your DS isn't mature enough to be a parent if his first thought is that they'll move in with you rather than being independant adults.

I spent many years living in Asia and wouldn't want my child to be living or working in South Korea unless they're a plastic surgeon or a lawyer and have the dosh to set themself up in business.

It is a highly competitive, hierarchical society with too many graduates chasing few jobs, working hours are extremely long, and suicide rates are the highest in the developed world.

Having a child out of wedlock is frowned upon, as it is also a very conservative and misogynistic country. Do not be surprised if gf wants to get married and remain over here if her family proves unwilling to accept her choice of a foreign partner. Childcare over there is very expensive. Does DS speak Korean?

Yes if they move there.

The girlfriend is quite a bit older than the OP son

26yo International Student she has either worked then travelled or this is a 2nd degree and travel
A lot more life experience
20yo men and 26 yo women are on different wavelengths

How many people on here would be happy if their 20yo daughter met a 26yo man , online , when they were students . That man from another country and culture .And to secure their place in the UK after their Visa runs out ....

Yeah you;d be thrilled . Not .

I suspect the girl will not return to Korea, think 1950s style parenting in the UK, she will be terrified of her parents' reaction. Korean parents only meet the boyfriend when they are ready to be married. I'd suggest shes looking to stay in the UK. She needs to tell her parents that they will need financial support from both sets. She will get a post-graduate visa, then need to leave, earn over 38k or be married and apply for a spousal visa. She is also unlikely to get any NHS support unless she has paid up front for it with her study visa

Why wouldn’t you want them living with you!? I can’t imagine either of my boys being in that situation and I wouldn’t want to help. Plus you had him at 18, were your parents not just as concerned?

It sounds like your son has tried to use a public unveiling of the pregnancy and request for accommodation to bounce you into having the three of them move into your home.

Horrible manipulative behaviour, has he always been this way?

Please be kind everyone, everyone has there own stories and my situation was very different so I don't think hypocrite is fair and frankly quite hurtful. I understand better than anybody else the challenges that young parenthood presents.
For the people asking- DS does not speak Korean but has downloaded Duolingo since finding out (small victories eh?🙄)

How is it not relevant?

This. So much judgement of OP without even knowing the circumstances in which she had her DS. Her 20 year old student son is having a baby with a woman six years his senior, who he has only known six months, and who is herself an overseas student, due to leave for home shortly after the baby is born. He breaks the news to her in the most insensitive and performative way and then casually asks her over dinner if he and a woman OP has never met can move in with her and their child. It’s beyond me why OP is coming in for so much criticism and pressure to be happy and supportive of what is basically a deeply irresponsible act. Far from congratulating them, I would be very worried about this womans’ motives.

Ahhh #bekind. The last refuge of the unreasonable who’ve been called out 🙄