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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

881 replies

Becc91 · 27/12/2025 17:57

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

OP posts:
Sweetheart1990 · 27/12/2025 18:32

To all the people commenting "what did your parents say when you were pregnant at 18?' 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
We all want better for our children, I had my son at 18, he is 14 now, he's bright, funny and talented and the last thing I want is for him to end up a young parent, I don't regret him in any way whatsoever but I always want the best for him, and statistically young parents don't stay together which usually means the dad ends up a weekend dad, I want my son to experience things, be financially stable before settling down and having a family. I'm pretty sure OP is seeing things the same.

Climbingrosexx · 27/12/2025 18:32

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

I don't think OP has answered this one yet but the circumstances could be totally different. I was pregnant at 18 but we had been together since school. This is a 6 month relationship which started online. I would also be worried if it was my son. Plus he could have told her privately especially if they are hoping to move in

YellowPixie · 27/12/2025 18:33

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

He's just repeating the family pattern of having babies early.

SweeetFannyAdams · 27/12/2025 18:33

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

I can't help thinking the OP deliberately mentioned all their ages to prompt this question.

NOWLICANIDOIT · 27/12/2025 18:34

It is relevant how OP’s parents reacted to her pregnancy at 17/18.

Anakan · 27/12/2025 18:34

mathanxiety · 27/12/2025 18:25

I wouldn't let them move in with you either.

Your son has behaved really badly, and I would like to know why he thought getting this woman pregnant in under a year of seeing each other, and springing the news of the pregnancy on you in this way were good ideas, along with the thought that they could all move in with you. It's all egregiously immature and selfish.

It's the 'thought process' of a relative of mine, who has a total of seven children now, with seven different women. He does not see most of the children as the mothers rightly got tired of his shit. His career as a begetter of babies started in university and continued into his 40s.

Let your son figure out how to support his baby and where the three of them will live, if you want to limit the number of grandchildren you'll end up with (and taking care of) by the time you're 45.

I can't believe there are women here who think any of this was ok.

That's a bit of a leap though isn't it? Accidental pregnancy at 20 with one, versus 7 from 7 women.

BettysRoasties · 27/12/2025 18:34

Sweetheart1990 · 27/12/2025 18:32

To all the people commenting "what did your parents say when you were pregnant at 18?' 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️
We all want better for our children, I had my son at 18, he is 14 now, he's bright, funny and talented and the last thing I want is for him to end up a young parent, I don't regret him in any way whatsoever but I always want the best for him, and statistically young parents don't stay together which usually means the dad ends up a weekend dad, I want my son to experience things, be financially stable before settling down and having a family. I'm pretty sure OP is seeing things the same.

I mean he did do better he went off to uni before he started procreating.

surprisebaby12 · 27/12/2025 18:34

Gosh. He’s not a teenager, he’s 20 and in a serious relationship. Yes it’s young and the relationship is new, but they are trying to do the right thing. They’ve asked for your support so they can approach this next stage with responsibility and accountability, and you’ve blown up at him. You need to apologise

Izzywizzy85 · 27/12/2025 18:35

YellowPixie · 27/12/2025 18:33

He's just repeating the family pattern of having babies early.

Show quote history

What an absolute twatty thing to say to a concerned mum. Feel good about yourself do you?

ResusciAnnie · 27/12/2025 18:35

He waited 2 years longer than you did!

CaptainMyCaptain · 27/12/2025 18:35

Anakan · 27/12/2025 18:34

That's a bit of a leap though isn't it? Accidental pregnancy at 20 with one, versus 7 from 7 women.

Show quote history

Exactly. A surprise pregnancy doesn't inevitably end up like that.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 27/12/2025 18:36

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

Yeah my first thought too, pretty hypocritical of you really.

Upsetbetty · 27/12/2025 18:36

RanyaJerodung · 27/12/2025 18:18

This. Talk about hypocritical.

Show quote history

@Becc91 did you not at any point over the last 20years think it was highly likely that you would be a grandmother young… it’s very obvious that that would be the case because well number 1…you were young having him and number 2…cycles repeat themselves usually. If you didn’t want to be a grandmother at 38 and you shouldn’t have been a mother at 18.

ChamonixMountainBum · 27/12/2025 18:36

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

The test result was inside a Terry's chocolate orange so all good.

ObliviousCoalmine · 27/12/2025 18:37

Christmaseree · 27/12/2025 17:59

How did your parents react when you were pregnant at 17 or 18, in a similar way?

lol. Yes this.

20questions · 27/12/2025 18:39

mathanxiety · 27/12/2025 18:25

I wouldn't let them move in with you either.

Your son has behaved really badly, and I would like to know why he thought getting this woman pregnant in under a year of seeing each other, and springing the news of the pregnancy on you in this way were good ideas, along with the thought that they could all move in with you. It's all egregiously immature and selfish.

It's the 'thought process' of a relative of mine, who has a total of seven children now, with seven different women. He does not see most of the children as the mothers rightly got tired of his shit. His career as a begetter of babies started in university and continued into his 40s.

Let your son figure out how to support his baby and where the three of them will live, if you want to limit the number of grandchildren you'll end up with (and taking care of) by the time you're 45.

I can't believe there are women here who think any of this was ok.

Totally agree with this! Immature, selfish and irresponsible. And expecting mum to be thrilled 🙄

mathanxiety · 27/12/2025 18:39

shuggles · 27/12/2025 18:31

@mathanxiety he thought getting this woman pregnant

He did not "get this woman pregnant." The woman was also a participant.

It's the 'thought process' of a relative of mine, who has a total of seven children now, with seven different women. He does not see most of the children as the mothers rightly got tired of his shit. His career as a begetter of babies started in university and continued into his 40s.

A man who has children with 7 different women, then leaves each one, is an asshole.

A woman who chooses to have a child with a man who has already left multiple women is on a whole other level of stupidity.

Nice piece of woman blaming there.

Why so.sympathetic toward the son? Condoms are cheap and easily available. Unless the woman put a gun to his head and forced him to impregnate her, he's the one who played the active role in the conception of this baby.

A baby is now on the way, to be borne by a woman from a culture where unwed motherhood is not acceptable, and a young man who has all the sense and maturity you would expect from a turnip.

The women who had babies with my relative left him - as I think I said - when they saw through his shit and had enough of him, taking the kids with them. They live all over Europe and the US.

Sweetheart1990 · 27/12/2025 18:40

BettysRoasties · 27/12/2025 18:34

I mean he did do better he went off to uni before he started procreating.

Show quote history

With no home of his own, no stable in job (presumably) bring up a child will be a struggle. Very doable of course but why would you be happy about this situation for your child.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/12/2025 18:40

If my son did this I would be utterly appalled.

Moonlightfrog · 27/12/2025 18:41

I can see why you are concerned. I had my dd when I was 21, she’s now 21 herself and I can’t imagine her having a baby and I wouldn’t want her too (she’s pretty immature).

OP obviously wants better for her son, parenthood isn’t for the faint hearted especially whilst studying for a degree. There are several worrying factors, they have only been together 6 months, she is studying here from Korea, what are her plans? There’s also a huge risk that she could go back to Korea with the baby and he won’t be able to do anything about it.
Of course all might go well but OP is bound to have doubts when their relationship has only been short?

PhantomOfAllKnowledge · 27/12/2025 18:41

He spectacularly misjudged the timing and manner of breaking this news.

Try to take a step back and imagine he had told you in private, and in a tactful way "Mum, this might come as a shock to you ..." and take your reaction from there.

However unwelcome the news to you, this is happening, and it's going to be better if you can support your son and try to make the best of a situation you can't change.

27TimesAway · 27/12/2025 18:41

YellowPixie · 27/12/2025 18:33

He's just repeating the family pattern of having babies early.

Show quote history

And the mother to be is almost a decade older than the OP was when she had her son. So the sheer shock and horror of a young pregnancy is a little misplaced I think.

The son has been a little insensitive perhaps, but the fact he thought it would be a gift his mother would be thrilled about suggests (I hope) that the baby is a welcome event.

People have babies all the time in less than ideal circumstances. I don't think this is one that could not be made to work. I hope, anyway.

Rosscameasdoody · 27/12/2025 18:42

Littletreefrog · 27/12/2025 18:11

So you are worried she will leave the country but also won't let them live with you.

I know it's a shock and people don't always react in the best way when put on the spot like that but I think you need to apologise for your reaction.

I would also consider whether you really won't let them move in with you. Whilst I appreciate its not where you wanted to be at 38. Do you want your son and grandchild living in South Korea instead?

I actually think DS should be the one to apologise for breaking the news in such an immature way.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 27/12/2025 18:44

SallySue87 · 27/12/2025 18:25

Perhaps, not hand his mother a pissy stick over christmas dinner… 🤮

Show quote history

IKR ..
"Oh thank you darling what's this......?"

Eurgh .
A photo of the aforementioned pissy stick would've sufficed

shuggles · 27/12/2025 18:44

@mathanxiety Nice piece of woman blaming there.

Because funnily enough, she is indeed to blame. 50% of the blame.

Why so.sympathetic toward the son? Condoms are cheap and easily available. Unless the woman put a gun to his head and forced him to impregnate her, he's the one who played the active role in the conception of this baby.

Yes, condoms are cheap and easily available. So the fact that she did not use one means she played the active role in the conception of this baby.

The women who had babies with my relative left him - as I think I said - when they saw through his shit and had enough of him, taking the kids with them. They live all over Europe and the US.

Yes, I know you said that. And as I said, making a decision to have a child with a man who has already had children with multiple women is a whole new level of stupidity.