Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

Well, if she's here on a student visa then it could make things massively complicated further down the line, so it is absolutely relevant.

Those banging on about op doing the same 🙄 don’t you think she might want better for her own child? My mum had me as a teenager and would’ve been gutted if I’d done the same.

Did he see this on ticktok or something? But god bless him he obviously thought you'd be excited! You have 2 options, support him or not. If he, his girlfriend and child can't move in with you, they are most likely going to go to Korea so that she has the support of her parents. Tough one for you OP.

If you didn’t want to become a grandma at 38, you shouldn’t have had a baby when you were 18!

Anyway, what’s done is done. He obviously wasn’t expecting your horrified reaction, otherwise he wouldn’t have surprised you with this ‘gift’.

Let the shock sink in. Leave it a few days. Then have a sit down adult conversation, just you and him. Don’t judge him. Don’t dictate to him what he should or shouldn’t go. Just be open and honest with what your willing to support him with.

Or he guessed how she'd reacts d thought doing it so publicly might make her reign it in a bit.

Are you so desperately trying to find a way to be offended that you really can't see how that's relevant here?

To those people virtue signalling about how the OP was treated at 18 when she fell pregnant, did you never do anything stupid when you were younger that you would probably hit the roof if your own kids did the same now because you’ve been there and know what it was like?

A pregnancy at 18 or within five minutes of being together isn’t something to celebrate. yes it might work out, but chances are it won’t, she’ll bugger off at the end of her degree which she probably won’t finish now anyway, and he’ll never see them again.

Anyone who thinks that giving a pregnancy test as a surprise to their mum when they’ve only been seeing someone for six months is bloody immature and naive if they thought that the person would be happy about it.

TBH I am always dubious of these couples who fall pregnant within five minutes of getting together. Funny how it doesn’t happen that often to established couples, have these people never heard of contraception?

TBH I’d be wondering if she got pregnant for a visa.

Oh dear. Looks like you and your DS have equally disappointed each other.
Unfortunately he can't undo his part, so if you want to move forward, you're going to have to find a way to undo yours.
Personally I'd offer him some positivity and the support he was expecting. If you don't want them living with you, then that's fine, but help to find somewhere and some level of welcome for his new family wouldn't be unreasonable.

I mean you clearly had a child at 18 so it’s a tad unreasonable to be furious. And also what exactly can you do about it? This child is going to be born either way so shouldn’t try and least support them?

Well he is 20...

Why am I offended? Just genuinely checking that wasn’t her issue

I would be beyond shocked but you both owe one another an apology. Telling you as a surprise gift in front of others was completely insensitive..but most 20 yo guys are dufuses..which probably lends to your trepidation of his starting a family so young. However, you (and possibly his father) managed and while everything costs far more now, he'll manage..and hopefully step up to this major life challenge so young...but asking to live with you points towards not being that self sufficient yet. 2 sides to every coin. But telling you like that reeks of my father proposing to my mother (I wasnt in the picture yet) in front of his whole family at xmas...NOT. COOL. Just have a heart to heart AND a girls lunch w baby mama

The seven women could easily have used contraception. It takes two idiots.

Her being an international student is, surely

Surely both parties are equally as active ? If a woman does not want to become pregnant contraception is easily available. Laying all the blame at the door of the man is infantilising women and suggesting they are incapable of control over their own bodies.

She is currently here on a student visa. She can apply for a graduate visa which lasts 2 years at the moment.months. The baby would receive a visa for the same length of time, but wouldn't automatically be a British citizen.

The fun starts after 2 years as she would need a skilled worker visa, earning at least £41,700. Obviously this would be tricky with a toddler in the mix by then, especially in the current graduate job market.

If it were me, it's not the news itself but the means of delivering it. Why do people turn everything into a social media opportunity - dying child, first puppy, a beautiful Alzehimer's moment, etc?!

I suppose you just have to cut him some slack that he grew up in a different world where this sort of shit is normal.

@Rosscameasdoody Surely both parties are equally as active ? If a woman does not want to become pregnant contraception is easily available. Laying all the blame at the door of the man is infantilising women and suggesting they are incapable of control over their own bodies.

Correct, but unfortunately there is no shortage of misogyny on mumsnet.

Her being an international student would be a huge worry for me personally.

Is this even real ?

I saw a YouTube short of something where the young bloke phones his Mum , tells her his older GF is pregnant , she's been inside , etc cannot remember the rest .
Then tells her he's kidding but he broke the cars headlight ( or some ither shite )

His GF wasn't there at Christmas .
They haven't met her
Then he says "Can we live here?"

Bit of a kidder is he ?

And has the OP come back ....?

Well you were a teenage mum so . . .

Let them get on with it .

Why are you so disparaging of what she’s studying, OP? I assume she’s achieving more academically than you did, at least at her age.

You mean you were looking for racism where none exists ?

Precisely. No one is asking if she even wants the baby let alone what her family thinks

Is no one going to challenge the science here? Are you saying he gave you the actual test that his girlfriend had peed on, presumably a day or two previously? There’s a reason they tell you to look within a certain time frame. I call absolute bs on this post.