Horror at sons "special" christmas present?

[Becc91]

So my DS (20) came home for christmas from bristol uni with a "special" christmas present. Had me open it in front of everyone... only to find a positive pregnancy test 😱!
Turns out his new GF of 6 months, who he met online (discard?) , is an international student from Korea, studying "innovation" 🙄. I want so badly to be happy for him, but just feel he's far too young to be having a child with someone who'll be leaving the country come september.

I've always wanted to be a grandma, but not at 38!!
This, plus the fact she's 26 and we haven't even met makes me SO worried for my DS... but I'm fuming that he thought it was appropriate to give this as a present and make me open it in front of everyone.

DS now isn't speaking to me after I told him in no uncertain terms that the three of them couldn't move in when their degrees are finished- which he had the nerve to suggest over Christmas Dinner?! AIBU?

They could deport her but since it would so obviously be against the rights of a tiny British baby to be separated from the mother, it seems extremely unlikely that anyone would attempt to.

If she wanted to take the baby that might be different altogether but if this couple are determined to live together in the UK and quickly get the baby British citizenship, then I don't see how anyone is going to be able to stop them.

No.

I mean, he was pretty ridiculous to frame it as a present and something to be utterly delighted about wasn’t he? I know people are giving you a hard time because of the age you had your son but no one actually wants their children to have a child when they don’t yet have a solid foundation surely? E.g. a home, solid relationship etc. I had my 1st child at 20 but had a full time, permanent job, had passed my driving test, had been in a 12 month relationship and had a mortgage - not ideal but there’s a big difference between that and someone who hasn’t got a foundation any if those things. The baby is likely coming regardless of this now so I would try and help him find a way forward and just be there for him at this point. I don’t blame you for not wanting them to move in though, she’s 26, they certainly need to stand on their own two feet (with support).

She doesn't have to want her son to have to go through these struggles that she was potentially put through herself with little choice and it's absolutely allowable for her to not want to be a grandma at 38. You can't take her feelings and rights away because she had a kid at 18 for reasons you don't even know why!

It's not irrelevant, his kid is half British and may well have been born he clearly doesn't live in Tanzania. You forget we are living in an era now where the government are tightening visa conditions up drastically as a result of the migrant crisis, they are unlikely to make it easy or simple.

Because the baby is also Korean and wouldn't be split from the mother, they will expect the mother to take the child with her. The government don't need to spilt the kid from it's mother and wouldn't have to factor it in. They aren't sentimental and would happily leave it as a legal battle between the UK father and Korean mother. They are actively trying to discourage over staying and people thinking they can just come here and have anchor babies and marriages! I don't think they'll make it easy in thos political climate because it sends out the wrong message.

Nobody can think like that! You don't get yourself into illegal shit by harbouring an illegal overstayer in your home. Immigration officials could turn up at anytime. And the baby will also be Korean, they won't slap bans on a Korean baby going home to Korea with it's Korean mother.

How do you work without a work visa?
If you can't work, who is supporting you?
If you can't work how do house yourself?
If your partner is in education how do they afford to support themselves, never mind a family?

This right to remain in this scenario is reliant on someone else supporting your financially. The reality is many people in this situation struggle precisely because they have no one to support them and because they have no rights to benefits may have no choice but to leave.

Given the couple in question have come to granny to bail them out, it suggests they have not got the ability to enable the gf to remain.

But they can't split the baby from his father of both are British. The baby has a legal right to be with his father. And his mother.

People do think like that. There are estimated to be somewhere between 10 and 20 thousand student visa overstayers in the country at the moment.

Nobody knows the true figure, in their wisdom the authorities decided to stop counting the people who left in 2020.

It's my belief that the human rights of this British baby to live with both his parents will trump any desire to deport a student visa overstayer.

This right to remain in this scenario is reliant on someone else supporting your financially

The post above explains the situation. If the human rights of the baby mean his mother has to stay then she gets to apply for indefinite leave to remain, so she can work and claim benefits for the British baby.

With the exception of the last requirement. She would only meet this with OP’s help - hence the manipulative way in which the pregnancy was announced and the suggestion put forward that they live with OP after the baby is born. How else is she going to support herself ?

What rights? Her adult son, by her description, seems happy about the situation but she wants to say “you can’t have a child until the sum of our ages at which we became parents exceeds a number I’m happy with, and my contribution to that sum is a low 18”. So does he have to put off fatherhood to 22? 30? 35? For his mum.

But it's not advisable to willfully harbour an overstayer and most overstayers don't live with somebody's mother.
You've got to realise that a British citizenship doesn't rip away the citizenship from anywhere else. The baby won't become the property of Britain just because it's born here and it's human rights will be completely fine and intact if it went to Korea with mum. There's got to be a process to get that kid citizenship and in the interim it may have to go home with mum. If she can't complete her studies due to the pregnancy, she'll be in Korea before the baby is even born. She'll be giving birth before the studies end in September and she could have health issues in the later stages of pregnancy and have to drop out! What if in the next month or two she develops hyperemesis and can't carry on with studies.

Also I don't think mum will be given special privileges to stay here just because she got pregnant to a British student.

Oh there are a lot of what ifs and what's advisable, starting right back with whether it was advisable to create a pregnancy.

But the facts remain that this will be a British baby who has immediate human rights to be with both his mother and his father. It's the baby's rights which are pivotal here, not the mother's.

So if his father cannot or will not go to Korea, and the mother won't take the baby away from his father, then what other option will there be than to allow her indefinite leave to remain?

They will possibly need a human rights and/or immigration lawyer, legal aided because the baby needs representation and has no funds, but I don't see this family being split up unless they want that to happen.

You are being silly about this! She doesn't want her son to be in the situation she ended up in, she can see all the issues, she can see that at 38 with a penniless student son that it will be a drain on her having to help them financially and physically with their kids! You are obsessed by the number 38 but you're not asking yourself why she doesn't want to be a grandmother at 38! She isn't remotely back pattng herself for having a kid at 18 and she doesn't want her son to make the same mistakes. You also don't seem to get that theres nothing to say that her parents were 38 when she had a kid! My dad was 51 when I was 18, my mum was 46. Can you see how your comparison is a waste of time! You don't know how old her parents were when they had her.

And how do you pay the rent (which you need a valid visa to be able to rent in most cases) whilst you have a new born baby and wait for your Indefinite Leave to Remain to be granted, which can take up to six months to come through?

If you are overstaying good luck finding a landlord.

A mother with a suckling baby cannot be left living on the streets.

The baby changes everything!

Eh?! She specifically says she’s horrified to be a grandmother at 38?!

All the ops son was telling her his girlfriend is pregnant. She has not met her or have they asked for hand outs.

All the ops son has done so far is tell her his girlfriend is pregnant. She hasbt even net her yet. His girlfriend may come from a well off family who can fund her stay here. The op might not be needed.

Read the OP. The son isn't talking to her after she said that he couldn't move the family in with the OP. It clearly was his plan.

He asked for them to live with OP, that’s a pretty big help/handout!!

Yes and I don't get why you don't think she has the right to do that or why your are assuming her parents were 38 when she had a kid.

I don't foresee her parents being all happy clappy that their student daughter has messed up her studies to get pregnant to a British student she's been dating for 6 months and will have a mixed race baby with! Funding is irrelevant when.she has no legal right to remain here and could get kicked out the minute she fails to keep up with her studies.