Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nothing from teens

256 replies

Rebecca7300 · 27/12/2025 16:02

I’m hurt that my 3 teens - 13, 16 & 17 didn’t get me a single thing for Christmas. No Christmas card, no chocolate bar. I put in a lot of effort for Christmas and do it all by myself & I just feel so under appreciated. They all get pocket money & live near shops. My husband got me some earrings that I knew about because we chose them together but no surprises, no card. I just feel very sad. Is it normal that teens just ignore you at this age? I’m really finding these teenage years very, very difficult.

OP posts:
Onelifeonly · 27/12/2025 16:03

I used to get my husband to jog their memories.....

Imaginingdragonsagain · 27/12/2025 16:04

Is this unusual behaviour for them? Did your dh remind them that they should do something for you? The oldest ones shouldn’t have needed reminding but the 13 year old probably. If all your dh got you was earrings that you had chosen that suggests surprise presents aren’t a big deal to your family?

Ilovelifeverymuch · 27/12/2025 16:05

Teenagers cns be selfish but it's also important to teach them to be considerate and in this situation I would speak to them to let them know you feel and how their actions were not nice.

And this is not just for future Christmas with you but also teaches them how to treat future partners.

Having said that, it doesn't look like your DH made much effort tbh given he only got you earrings that you picked together.

Imaginingdragonsagain · 27/12/2025 16:05

Did you remind them to get anything for your dh?

Giddykiddy · 27/12/2025 16:06

That's bloody awful - i'd be telling them in no uncertain terms

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

DesperatelySeekingHelp · 27/12/2025 16:07

I would be really sad. I have a friend who has three teenage and young adults and not only did they not even acknowledge her 50th birthday, they expected lifts to their football training. This is because her husband (their dad) hasn’t ever got her so much as a card for her birthday so they have learnt the behaviour from
him.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 16:07

I don’t think this is normal, no. Mine have always got me something, from lovely cards and letters when no money, through giving massages/doing chores when still no money but a bit more ability, and around 15 when they started baby sitting etc then I started getting presents.
this isn’t acceptable op, I’d sit down with them and talk through expectations and why this isn’t acceptable,

PomandersandRedRibbon · 27/12/2025 16:08

Op so you have a family list ?
We have a family what's app list and I put two things in mine one that's 8 quid and another from charity shop that was about 2.
One DD got me two small packets of special t bags but this is because I asked and I chase them up to get dad a gift also
My point being I've delibertly asked for cheap things but I think it's really important they give back somerhng .

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 16:08

Imaginingdragonsagain · 27/12/2025 16:05

Did you remind them to get anything for your dh?

They are all old enough to not need reminding.

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:10

Giddykiddy · 27/12/2025 16:06

That's bloody awful - i'd be telling them in no uncertain terms

Why though? I genuinely don't understand.

In future they'll get you something because you've told them it's expected otherwise you're going to be on their backs. They won't be buying because they want to get you something or they appreciate you. Why would you want something under those circumstances.

PomandersandRedRibbon · 27/12/2025 16:10

If DC need reminding then they need reminding.

boobashka · 27/12/2025 16:12

I think this is really sad OP. My 2 teens absolutely love choosing an inexpensive but well thought out little something for me and their dad and each other and get really excited at the prospect of us opening our gifts. It's not about the money or materialism just them showing they care and all part of Christmas for them. They've been brought up this way though. Not sure if it's too late to instill this in your kids but you should definitely explain to them how you're feeling so they can make amends. ❤️

HardworkSendHelp · 27/12/2025 16:13

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

I really disagree with this! Your children are not more important than you and if you let them treat you like that they will treat future partners like that. I do not expect big gifts. Actually hate the thought of them spending big money so my gift was £12 in total so 6 quid each. It is the effort to get it, wrap it etc. It was items I could have picked up in the weekly shop but it is the principal. They need to be taught to think of others and that is not all about them.

Original poster
Rebecca7300 · 27/12/2025 16:14

Thanks everyone. It’s useful to have a variety of feedback/opinions. The hurt comes from the lack of thought and effort.

OP posts:
Marylou2 · 27/12/2025 16:14

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

I don't think it's greedy or selfish to expect children that you've poured your time, effort and love into to make an acknowledgement that you are a person too. I'm sure the OP would appreciate even the smallest of thoughtful gifts from her children. My DD always gets me a gift, my favourite was a cross stitch of something meaningful to us both that she'd framed. She was 15 and I'll treasure it forever.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 16:15

No @Rosealea. My dd is 15 and had got me something this year that she was so so excited to give me. She bought it with her own money that she earnt from babysitting. She discovered the joy of giving this year. She was more excited to give her gift to me than she was to open her gifts. As was I in the reverse 😂

SoManyDandelions · 27/12/2025 16:17

DSs are 13 and 15 and didn't buy anything for me or their Dad. I wouldn't expect them to, until they get a job/start earning. They are verbally very loving and appreciative so I know they are not taking me for granted.

Itiswhysofew · 27/12/2025 16:21

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

YADBU.

Gift giving is a part of life. Parents are just a worthy of receiving as their teenagers are. A small gift from your children, teaches them generosity and good manners.

HardworkSendHelp · 27/12/2025 16:23

Rebecca7300 · 27/12/2025 16:14

Thanks everyone. It’s useful to have a variety of feedback/opinions. The hurt comes from the lack of thought and effort.

And you are right to be hurt OP. From your post it is clear you were not looking diamonds or a Chanel bag. You just wanted an acknowledgement as a Mother. I wouldn’t make a big deal out of it but maybe your husband could say you were disappointed to get nothing. This a learning for your teens as you don’t want the spouse or partner of one of your kids on here in ten years giving out about them. Teens are fecking hard as they think it is all about them, but it is our job as parents to remind them that it isn’t all about them.

KitsyWitsy · 27/12/2025 16:25

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

I brought my children up to think of others. Particularly those closest to them. I don't expect lots of money spent on me at all but some kind of thought or acknowledgment is just good manners.

Sparklybanana · 27/12/2025 16:25

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

This is a mistake. You might not feel the need to be given gifts or feel appreciation but your kids partners will not thank you that they receive no appreciation or gift. You are also robbing your kids of gift giving - giving gifts became way more exciting than receiving after teenage years and my young kids now absolutely love going out and buying gifts for everyone. Tye gifts are totally random but the fun of buying them is exciting for them. Im not sure what you're wanting to achieve here but unless your kids are making you gifts then I think it will backfire at some point. Ironically you're going to teach your kids how to be selfish rather than selflessness if they only ever receive.

ginasevern · 27/12/2025 16:26

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

I couldn't agree less! Most parents aren't filled with greed and selfishness, quite the opposite in fact. When I was a child/teenager I loved buying my dear late mum a little gift for her birthday, Mother's Day or Christmas. She was the least greedy and selfish person you could ever wish to meet! Yes of course I showed her love throughout the year, but being able to hand her a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates on a special occasion (along with the grown up feeling of actually choosing and buying the gift) gave me a great sense of self worth, satisfaction and self agency - which is incredibly important for young people. Life isn't a one way street (which they will soon discover in adulthood) and teaching them to buy a small gift in order to give someone else pleasure, if only once a year, is all part of creating a fully rounded adult.

Jungleballsjungleballs · 27/12/2025 16:26

Do not go down the shoulder shrugging of ‘they’re teans and they are selfish’ route.

yes teans can be incredibly self centred and selfish at times but that doesn’t excuse such behaviour.

i’d be livid with them and also with my husband.

mine are both disabled and he would help them until they were old enough to do it independently - promoting them that it’s nice to buy a little pressie for people we love. And I would help them to get their dad something. It’s about support and modelling what we do on occasions.

I never expected much - but was always so touched by them choosing and buying a little thing for me and drawing or writing in a card. Was usually £2-3 but it was the fact they had thought (with support) and it was wonkily wrapped up by them - that showed effort thought and love. They were always so excited to give their present to me and it meant so much to us all.

teans will remain selfish unless they are challenged and also have behaviour modelled to them . I think it is really important that kids learn not only how to receive graciously - but how to give - to learn to think about others - that ‘you like cars, but mummy doesn’t - so let’s think - What does mummy like? - yes mummy likes flowers and chocolates and pandas and fluffy socks. What can we get her?’

so sorry yours have been so thoughtless. I would take this up with both them and your husband as frankly they can do far, far better.

Comedycook · 27/12/2025 16:27

I have two teens...15 and 17. They didn't get me anything and it would never occur to me that they should get me something for Christmas.