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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Nothing from teens

256 replies

Rebecca7300 · 27/12/2025 16:02

I’m hurt that my 3 teens - 13, 16 & 17 didn’t get me a single thing for Christmas. No Christmas card, no chocolate bar. I put in a lot of effort for Christmas and do it all by myself & I just feel so under appreciated. They all get pocket money & live near shops. My husband got me some earrings that I knew about because we chose them together but no surprises, no card. I just feel very sad. Is it normal that teens just ignore you at this age? I’m really finding these teenage years very, very difficult.

OP posts:
LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 16:27

That’s shit, particularly from the 17 year old.

But it’s also very shit if your DH/partner if you have one not to check they have bought you something.

I’m sorry. It’s shit to feel so under supported.

Wishimaywishimight · 27/12/2025 16:28

Onelifeonly · 27/12/2025 16:03

I used to get my husband to jog their memories.....

They knew it was Christmas! Very selfish and thoughtless of them.

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 16:29

Also with regard to ‘greed and selfishness’ - lol, as if a 13 yo is going to get you something so valuable you wouldn’t just chuck it in the trolley on a weekly shop and think nothing of it!

pilates · 27/12/2025 16:29

Your DH should have been assisting with the present buying. Like helping out financially? I’m presuming at their ages they haven’t got jobs to fund presents?

KilkennyCats · 27/12/2025 16:31

arethereanyleftatall · 27/12/2025 16:08

They are all old enough to not need reminding.

Show quote history

Of course they are. People can possibly forget a birthday, but everyone knows it’s Christmas, why would anyone need reminding?

Popfan · 27/12/2025 16:38

That's rubbish. However, has it been something you've 'trained' them up to do?. With our DS, when he was about 13/14 we gave him money to buy little presents for everyone and we helped him choose. The next year he used some pocket money and some from us to buy things etc. He's now 18 and has a part time job and it's just something he does. He's really good at gift buying, bought his girlfriend really thoughtful things and other stuff for the rest of us. He doesn't spend loads but they are well thought out and sweet. It depends I think what the expectation is and how you've taught them, in the same way you might with anything else.

Princesspollyyy · 27/12/2025 16:42

My three teenagers are very thoughtful and I received wonderful gifts from them that they had obviously put a lot of thought into. Ive got a girl and two boys. Last year my eldest got me an expensive air fryer which was a complete surprise!

Noshadelamp · 27/12/2025 16:42

I would expect teenagers to need help with this. My DH would always take them shopping or as they got older send money and make sure they were thinking ahead.

Did they get your DH anything?

muckandmerriment · 27/12/2025 16:43

We haven't trained our teens to buy us presents and I have no expectations that they will. Christmas is for the kids, we are adults and don't need anything. Both mine are still totally dependent on us financially, one is at uni with a part time job and I'd rather she didn't spend her earnings on us. The other is 15 and studying for GCSEs. That being said they do go shopping with DH and choose things for me that he buys. I think you're being rather precious and dramatic.

Umy15r03lcha1 · 27/12/2025 16:43

Princesspollyyy · 27/12/2025 16:42

My three teenagers are very thoughtful and I received wonderful gifts from them that they had obviously put a lot of thought into. Ive got a girl and two boys. Last year my eldest got me an expensive air fryer which was a complete surprise!

I'm sure this cheered up the OP Blush

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 16:44

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

As parents, our job is to nurture our children to become competent and caring adults and form strong, healthy relationships. This involves being able to receive graciously and give generously.

By insisting that they shouldn’t give anything to the most important care giver in their life, you’re not being helpful, and teaching them that it’s ok to take people for granted…

Of course you won’t need their presents in any material sense - I certainly don’t, and neither do most parents either, but it’s about showing thought and consideration.

You may not feel you need that personally, but it’s not healthy modelling behaviours that will help them navigate their relationships and friendships in the years ahead.

Imanautumn · 27/12/2025 16:45

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

You’d be too busy polishing your halo to unwrap presents ….

Cat1504 · 27/12/2025 16:45

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

I think you are very selfish.….and your children will grow up to be entitled brats….it is still my greatest pleasure to buy my mum gifts and she’s 89….my youngest DGD was so proud to gift me lush bath bomb ( chosen by her…paid for by her mum)

titchy · 27/12/2025 16:46

Comedycook · 27/12/2025 16:27

I have two teens...15 and 17. They didn't get me anything and it would never occur to me that they should get me something for Christmas.

Congratulations. You have raised utterly self-absorbed, thoughtless children, who will very shortly become utterly self-absorbed, thoughtless adults. On what planet do almost adult offspring not realise that at Christmas you buy your loved ones presents.

WarmGreyHare · 27/12/2025 16:46

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

Totally disagree.
It's not (or shouldn't be) about them spending a lot of their money (and at that age any money they have is likely to have come from parents anyway) but learning empathy and thought for others.
It's not healthy for any child to spend Christmas being showered with gifts and attention like they are the only ones who deserve thought or care.

@Rebecca7300 I'm curious though, what has happened in previous years? If assume it would be down to each parent to nudge/arrange children to get something for the other parent, but that should have been happening since they were small.
Have they usually done something and just not this year? Or were you hoping after years of not buying gifts they would spontaneously become thoughtful?

Either way, it sucks and I would absolutely be hurt in your shoes.

Imanautumn · 27/12/2025 16:46

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 16:44

As parents, our job is to nurture our children to become competent and caring adults and form strong, healthy relationships. This involves being able to receive graciously and give generously.

By insisting that they shouldn’t give anything to the most important care giver in their life, you’re not being helpful, and teaching them that it’s ok to take people for granted…

Of course you won’t need their presents in any material sense - I certainly don’t, and neither do most parents either, but it’s about showing thought and consideration.

You may not feel you need that personally, but it’s not healthy modelling behaviours that will help them navigate their relationships and friendships in the years ahead.

Show quote history

Exactly your teaching them to be narcissists who think only about what they want.

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 16:47

Princesspollyyy · 27/12/2025 16:42

My three teenagers are very thoughtful and I received wonderful gifts from them that they had obviously put a lot of thought into. Ive got a girl and two boys. Last year my eldest got me an expensive air fryer which was a complete surprise!

Your teenagers clearly didn’t learn their thoughtfulness from their insensitive mother did they!

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 16:49

Imanautumn · 27/12/2025 16:45

You’d be too busy polishing your halo to unwrap presents ….

Show quote history

More like too busy carrying her martyrs cross!

5128gap · 27/12/2025 16:49

Not normal in our family no. I think a lot depends on how you raise them in terms of gift giving. I can't remember a time when I wasn't encouraged to make gifts or buy them with money given by the other parent, for all the special days, so it wouldn't have crossed my mind not to give my parents a Christmas present. Same with my own DC. If this is normal for them, you've probably left it a bit late tbh. If it's the first time then I'd be asking them what happened.

2dogsandabudgie · 27/12/2025 16:49

When my kids were teens they didn't get pocket money as such so when it was Christmas I used to give them say £20 to buy a present for me, their Dad, other sibling and grandparent. They would go in to town and choose the gifts themselves.

Since adulthood they automatically buy presents themselves now. I think it teaches them to be thoughtful and appreciative. My son sometimes buys me flowers just because he thinks I will like them. I'm proud of the adults they have become.

NewNameAgain000 · 27/12/2025 16:50

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

Is it fuck.

@Pigeonpoodle put it better, though.

Princesspollyyy · 27/12/2025 16:52

@Pigeonpoodle

Just answering the Op’s question on whether it was normal or not, thats all. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Comedycook · 27/12/2025 16:52

titchy · 27/12/2025 16:46

Congratulations. You have raised utterly self-absorbed, thoughtless children, who will very shortly become utterly self-absorbed, thoughtless adults. On what planet do almost adult offspring not realise that at Christmas you buy your loved ones presents.

Show quote history

What a disgusting comment.

Fwiw in our family we don't buy for adults... only children get gifts. Even if you do at what age is a child supposed to go from not buying a gift to buying one?

I couldn't give a flying fuck if my DC bought me a present or not.

Stompythedinosaur · 27/12/2025 16:53

I would have expected each parent to remind them to get something for the other one.

Did they get a gift for their df?

I definitely remind my teens at the start of Dec to think about gifts, and I usually give them some money to buy them. I think gift giving is a skill to build up.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 27/12/2025 16:54

Rosealea · 27/12/2025 16:06

I have made it very clear to my kids since they were old enough to understand that I never want gifts or cards from them for anything. It is my pleasure to be their mum and I'm not a selfish or greedy person so gifts or cards or anything at all are not required or expected.

I don't understand why parents expect their children to buy them things. It's pure greed and selfishness

I'm sorry this this makes no sense at all. How the hell is it greed and selfishness to expect your children to make an effort to appreciate their parents but it's not al for your children who have money and are old enough to be selfish lol what a joke

And these are the type of kids who grow to think it's fine to never make efforts with their partners.

@Rebecca7300 please don't listen to such rubbish. It's not like she is expecting them to buy he expensive gifts, what she is asking for are children who are considerate and thoughtful.