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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby ill from friend's toddler

212 replies

Biscuit94 · 26/12/2025 22:39

Hi all,

I have a 5 month old baby. Just over a week before Christmas my friend said she was up for Christmas and asked if she could pop round. She showed up on my doorstep with her toddler coughing and spluttering everywhere. I was surprised and thought maybe it was just a lingering cough, but she cheerily announced that he was always ill from nursery these days and walked straight in.

I understand that my baby is going to get ill and be exposed to all kinds of stuff, but why the hell would you do it just before Christmas?

Anyway, I came down with the cold a couple of days later, followed by my DH and then my poor baby girl on Christmas Eve. I thought she had gotten away with it as I am breastfeeding and thought maybe she had antibodies from me, but the poor little thing has been coughing and sneezing, struggling to sleep from the congestion and having more watery poos than normal :(. Absolutely gutted for her and even worse that it is over Christmas. Making sure to feed often, use Calpol and saline spray/a baby vapour rub. She slept on my DH for 5 hours last night and then me for another 5 as she is so uncomfortable lying flat in her bassinet.

I am so angry upset at my friend for not bothering to give me a heads-up/postpone/leave her toddler with his grandparents who she is staying with.

AIBU?

OP posts:
tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 01:01

How do you know they didn't get it from you?

scoobysnaxx · 27/12/2025 01:01

It’s literally nothing to do with the ‘baby not knowing it’s Christmas’ how stupid 🥴

it’s about being an inconsiderate prick right before Christmas.

Littlemisscapable · 27/12/2025 01:01

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2025 22:45

Annoying but it's life. You or dh could have easily picked up a cold somewhere else and gave it to dd

This..dont stress it's a normal part of life. You won't know where bugs have come from.

SweetBaklava · 27/12/2025 01:02

YANBU, particularly from the point of it being just before Christmas. I have friends whose Christmas was completely ruined (trip to spend Christmas in one parent’s home country had to be cancelled) due to one of their kids contracting a highly contagious illness in similar circumstances. People just do not THINK!!!

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 01:02

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:34

Don’t be so ridiculous! Of course op and family caught this from her friend’s toddler.
Surely it’s common sense, if you or child have a cold/virus, you don’t go visiting people’s homes.
With my work, in the community, if l have a cold or anything contagious! It’s my responsibility to notify my employer and take time off, not carry on as usual and spread, whatever l got to everyone else!
@Biscuit94 you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I’m baffled by some of these comments, no doubt from the same people, who think it’s ok, to cough and splutter everywhere in public places! Agree op, it is just thoughtlessness and more than inconsiderate.

Show quote history

It's the common cold. Not a virus that a few people hVe

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 01:04

I agree it’s very thoughtless OP, someone did the same to me at a similar stage and we all got very unwell - but luckily just after Xmas had passed. But it wasn’t fun. I remember the anxiety of nursing a sick baby very well.

However having been through the toddler stage twice now, they are ill on far more days than they are well for about 2.5 years so you do forget that it’s not normal to be schlepping germs around on the daily.

it was thoughtless for your friend to not call ahead and let you know with a young baby and possibly vulnerable family coming to stay

Anywherebuthere · 27/12/2025 01:04

I agree it would have been best to keep her child away. But you could have asked her to leave as soon you realised. YABU if you didn't do that.

ThreeSixtyTwo · 27/12/2025 01:06

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

Nope.

The immune system isn't mature enough yet to build anything meaningful and lasting from the experience. That's why the baby vaccination takes so many repetitions-the early protection doesn't last, but is very valuable for the baby, so waiting isn't better.

Noone is advocating totally sterile environment, but making the baby intentionally exposed to a high viral dose from openly ill child is a stupid idea

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 01:06

WorkingMum90 · 27/12/2025 00:50

I don't understand why you let her in your house? Just say sorry we don't want your toddler's cold & close the door? I agree she should have warned you about the cold and asked if you were ok with her coming round with an ill child - but why did you let her in if he was obviously ill?

Who among us would actually do this, though? When it came to it? I know I wouldn’t; I’d be too embarrassed.

BabyLikesMsRachel · 27/12/2025 01:14

LostittoBostik · 27/12/2025 01:06

Who among us would actually do this, though? When it came to it? I know I wouldn’t; I’d be too embarrassed.

Show quote history

I absolutely 100 per cent would and I'd do this even now with older children if the toddler was visibily unwell. I don't mind a very mild cold e.g. slightly snotty and mild cough but otherwise well, as my children are older - eldest is 1 and catches everything going from nursery anyway. But more than that, no, you're not welcome in my house to spread whatever it is around

Thankfully this has never happened to me, I don't know anyone that inconsiderate.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 01:16

tonightceilaimgoingtobe · 27/12/2025 01:02

It's the common cold. Not a virus that a few people hVe

Show quote history

Really! How on earth would you know, if it’s a virus or a cold, the point is they are both contagious, why would you knowing take a child to someone else’s home, when you know this can be passed on.
And most importantly, your visit is not essential, what difference does it make to reschedule.
Yes l understand, there are coughs and colds etc, this time of year, what l don’t get, why visit somewhere with an unwell child, when there’s no real need to.

Ohmysaintedauntfanny · 27/12/2025 01:19

Lyra87 · 26/12/2025 22:50

I understand your frustration. You're in the early stages so all illnesses are more worrying. My 2 year old went to a 1 year olds party who was sick (I didn't know until we got to the party) My 2 year old was then sick for a week. My point is, it's swings and roundabouts. If you stopped a toddler leaving the house whenever they have a cold, you'd go nowhere.

Yes, but you don’t bring a sick toddler to someone’s house when they have a 5 month old baby. Just insane to think that’s okay.

Ohmysaintedauntfanny · 27/12/2025 01:21

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 01:16

Really! How on earth would you know, if it’s a virus or a cold, the point is they are both contagious, why would you knowing take a child to someone else’s home, when you know this can be passed on.
And most importantly, your visit is not essential, what difference does it make to reschedule.
Yes l understand, there are coughs and colds etc, this time of year, what l don’t get, why visit somewhere with an unwell child, when there’s no real need to.

Show quote history

There’s only 1 plausible reason. To have something to do to entertain the toddler! No thought was given about the 5 month old.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 01:24

@Lyra87 Exactly.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 01:25

Ohmysaintedauntfanny · 27/12/2025 01:21

There’s only 1 plausible reason. To have something to do to entertain the toddler! No thought was given about the 5 month old.

Show quote history

Yes, completely agree.

Mydadsbirthday · 27/12/2025 01:36

Owly11 · 26/12/2025 22:58

You noticed the toddler was ill and the friend confirmed it so you should have said 'i am so sorry to be picky but i don't want any illness in the house just before xmas, let's try and meet another time when everyone is well'. Your house, your rules.

I would have done this too I'm afraid. I think it's really selfish of your friend OP.

GooseberryGreen · 27/12/2025 01:42

I think the building up of immunity argument is rubbish. Viruses like the cold mutate. It's not once and done. OP and her partner both got the cold. Now presumably they are adults and have been exposed to many viruses growing up yet they still got the cold. Before the inconsiderate visitor, they had been doing absolutely fine with this chink in their immune system.

I have found that handwashing is key. A really thorough wash with soap and water, not a quick rinse under the tap. Most viruses are spread most easily by hand to eye, mouth, nose contact . I wash my hands whenever I come into the house, before I eat, and endlessly around sick people. I disinfect doorknobs and make sure to have a separate towel and toothpaste for people who are sick. I try not to touch my face. We are very rarely sick.

SoloMumJustMuddlingThrough · 27/12/2025 02:27

You don't visit people if you have a cold in the two weeks before Christmas. Any other time, with toddlers, you do kind have to crack on though or you'd never leave the house (obviously you wouldn't take a sick toddler to see a newborn though!)

DD literally had a sniffle 2 weeks before Christmas. We didn't go to any of her groups etc because I think it would have been selfish to pass on germs before the holidays. Any other time of year, we would have gone.

BonneMamanAbricot · 27/12/2025 02:38

I would always mention that they have a cold before coming to give the other person a chance to say yes or no. They ABU especially when you have a baby

RacingAcrossTheSofa · 27/12/2025 02:39

It’s selfish behaviour.

Yes, when you have kids at nursery sometimes it feels like they have an endless cold, and to a certain point you just have to crack on with things.

But I would never take an apparently sick child to someone’s house without warning them ahead of time and giving them the option to cancel. And if they have a baby I’m more likely to choose to cancel myself and tell them that I don’t want to risk passing it on.

StressedoutTeddy845 · 27/12/2025 02:42

I just love that you think that when your baby is 20 months you'll get more sleep and be more rested 🤣🤣🤣

fairydustt · 27/12/2025 04:07

I get you, I think it being Christmas makes it more annoying. I have a 3 month old, we were up at the in laws last week and my sister in law arrived saying she felt really unwell 🙄 great, then my son and myself became unwell on Christmas Eve, it’s ruined Christmas tbh and my son was fussy all day and I wasn’t feeling the best either. I was really looking forward to his first Christmas :( oh well. We got ill last month as well because my sister bought my nieces who were unwell to my mum and dads house, I do get that if you have a toddler you can’t really avoid illnesses, and in general they can’t be avoided, but it doesn’t kind of annoy me knowingly exposing everyone to illnesses because I’m the one that now has to deal with a fussy sick baby whilst also being sick myself and getting no sleep Eugh!

Charlottespider · 27/12/2025 04:17

Biscuit94 · 26/12/2025 23:20

Well yes obviously...

I feel like this mindset is just a way of people excusing the inconvenience of not being able to do exactly what they please. Like I get it's just a cold and she'll be fine, but it's selfish not to think about the specific context. It's a week before Christmas, I have elderly family members, I'm exclusively breastfeeding and running on next to no sleep...

What I mean is, it's easy for parents or toddlers to "crack on" without thinking/caring what the reality of spreading germs around means. It really wasn't a necessary meet-up so why do it and risk somebody else and their baby being miserable? Selfish imo and not something I would do.

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100%

Itsthesameeveryday · 27/12/2025 04:35

It's extremely inconsiderate and I'd be livid

Lifeissodifficult · 27/12/2025 04:58

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

This.

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