Page 2 | Baby ill from friend's toddler

Biscuit94 · 2025-12-26T22:39:06+00:00

Hi all, I have a 5 month old baby. Just over a week before Christmas my friend said she was up for Christmas and asked if she could pop round. She showed up on my doorstep with her toddler coughing and spluttering everywhere. I was surprised and thought maybe it was just a lingering cough, but she cheerily announced that he was always ill from nursery these days and walked straight in. I understand that my baby is going to get ill and be exposed to all kinds of stuff, but why the hell would you do it just before Christmas? Anyway, I came down with the cold a couple of days later, followed by my DH and then my poor baby girl on Christmas Eve. I thought she had gotten away with it as I am breastfeeding and thought maybe she had antibodies from me, but the poor little thing has been coughing and sneezing, struggling to sleep from the congestion and having more watery poos than normal :(. Absolutely gutted for her and even worse that it is over Christmas. Making sure to feed often, use Calpol and saline spray/a baby vapour rub. She slept on my DH for 5 hours last night and then me for another 5 as she is so uncomfortable lying flat in her bassinet. I am so angry upset at my friend for not bothering to give me a heads-up/postpone/leave her toddler with his grandparents who she is staying with. AIBU?

neverwakeasleepingbaby · 26/12/2025 23:32

I’ve been both people in this situation…!
I was livid when a friend’s toddler licked my 6 month old’s face and gave him a dreadful virus, which I then caught and couldn’t kick for weeks.
I have also done my fair share of ignoring the low level viruses my toddlers have had and taking them places without thinking. As someone else said, if you never took a toddler out with a snotty nose then you’d never go out.
She should have given you a heads up though. I’m sorry you’ve been ill over Christmas

Eenameenadeeka · 26/12/2025 23:37

Common sense really isn't common anymore, of course you aren't unreasonable! She should have visited without the toddler or rescheduled rather than bringing an obviously coughing toddler to visit a baby for goodness sake. Sure , you can be unexpectedly exposed to colds when you go out and about, but that doesn't mean you don't try and avoid it where it's blatantly obvious.

paddyclampster · 26/12/2025 23:43

If I was visiting an ADULT friend and I was full of cold, I would give them the heads up. Let alone a toddler that doesn’t cover its mouth when it coughs etc. Of course people are going to catch colds but to knowingly pass it on …

Some people are just so rude.

Twirlyhockey · 26/12/2025 23:43

It's a week before Christmas, I have elderly family members, I'm exclusively breastfeeding and running on next to no sleep...

But the toddler's mum is in the same position I'm sure. Sometimes you get even less sleep when they're 20 months with a cold than you do when they are 5 weeks with a cold. I certainly had more exhaustion when I was back at work and toddler was still waking at night and needed much more energy in the daytime and had to get out of the house. It feels when you are a new FTM that you are more exhausted and more of a special case than everyone else, but truthfully we are all absolutely run ragged and the only difference between 12 weeks in and 3 years in is that we are (plus side)
more used to it and (minus side) more cumulatively drained by it. And with a toddler nobody's bringing you stuff and cooking your Christmas dinner, you are probably back to doing it for others. This isn't a competitive exhaustion thing, just a reason why the other mum might just see your little family as also in the trenches, rather than someone needing specific treatment.

And children are always, always ill at Christmas, for years, and so are parents very often. It's one of the crappy things nobody tells you. Aside from a massive vomiting bug, or a very newborn baby I can't see why anyone would mind a cold to be briefly around a child. For all you know, you might have given the baby the cold yourself off someone you passed in the supermarket.

ILoveFoodAndCoffee · 26/12/2025 23:49

I remember the nursery days. The first year seemed like constant illness. You do get more matter of fact with it. The friend should have let you know though. On a plus point my DD now has the constitution of an ox! She is a teenager now.

Polaopposite · 26/12/2025 23:50

There’s a difference between ‘cracking on’ and taking an ill toddler round the shops or to pick something up, compared to visiting someone. Particularly a baby in their own home. I am shocked by the amount of selfish people that have responded, but explains a lot. It’s something that I find extremely infuriating.

Frogbear · 26/12/2025 23:51

People are just selfish, that’s all there is to it. You’ll get people saying you’re being precious and you can never go anywhere if you stay home with a sick toddler, but it’s one thing to go out, it’s another thing to mix with other people and spread germs.

I always cancel plans if one of us are sick. You can still go for walks, etc without having to spread germs so it’s not like you’re confined to your house all the time.

Selfish and shitty parenting.

Widgets · 26/12/2025 23:53

YANBU
parents of ill children who freely spread it around are selfish twats IMO

yes some germs are unavoidable, eg supermarkets or the cinema where you will be around lots of people and not know if they are ill, however, someone who is clearly ill turning up at your house at Christmas time is not ok. Of course that’s where you got the germs, I would be livid too.

Frogbear · 26/12/2025 23:54

Twirlyhockey · 26/12/2025 23:43

It's a week before Christmas, I have elderly family members, I'm exclusively breastfeeding and running on next to no sleep...

But the toddler's mum is in the same position I'm sure. Sometimes you get even less sleep when they're 20 months with a cold than you do when they are 5 weeks with a cold. I certainly had more exhaustion when I was back at work and toddler was still waking at night and needed much more energy in the daytime and had to get out of the house. It feels when you are a new FTM that you are more exhausted and more of a special case than everyone else, but truthfully we are all absolutely run ragged and the only difference between 12 weeks in and 3 years in is that we are (plus side)
more used to it and (minus side) more cumulatively drained by it. And with a toddler nobody's bringing you stuff and cooking your Christmas dinner, you are probably back to doing it for others. This isn't a competitive exhaustion thing, just a reason why the other mum might just see your little family as also in the trenches, rather than someone needing specific treatment.

And children are always, always ill at Christmas, for years, and so are parents very often. It's one of the crappy things nobody tells you. Aside from a massive vomiting bug, or a very newborn baby I can't see why anyone would mind a cold to be briefly around a child. For all you know, you might have given the baby the cold yourself off someone you passed in the supermarket.

No, just no. That’s complete nonsense. No one wants their child to have a cold or be ill, so of course people mind someone with a cold being around their own children.

Throw in that there are many children who get seriously ill with just a simple cold.

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

neilyoungismyhero · 26/12/2025 23:55

I agree with you OP. Years and years on if any of our family members have nasty colds we don't go visiting each other. I know we can catch colds anywhere but wouldn't knowingly inflict them on anyone.

Frogbear · 26/12/2025 23:58

When DS was 12 months old we went to a baby and toddler group and there was a mother and toddler right next to us, both with red and swollen eyes and red and runny noses. Just a couple days later DS developed a fever and ended up in hospital for a week seriously ill with RSV. I know he could have caught it anywhere but I suspect it probably was at that baby group.

Too many people care only about themselves and not how their actions affect other people.

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 00:00

Your baby doesn't give a shiny shite that it's Christmas

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:19

Twirlyhockey · 26/12/2025 23:43

It's a week before Christmas, I have elderly family members, I'm exclusively breastfeeding and running on next to no sleep...

But the toddler's mum is in the same position I'm sure. Sometimes you get even less sleep when they're 20 months with a cold than you do when they are 5 weeks with a cold. I certainly had more exhaustion when I was back at work and toddler was still waking at night and needed much more energy in the daytime and had to get out of the house. It feels when you are a new FTM that you are more exhausted and more of a special case than everyone else, but truthfully we are all absolutely run ragged and the only difference between 12 weeks in and 3 years in is that we are (plus side)
more used to it and (minus side) more cumulatively drained by it. And with a toddler nobody's bringing you stuff and cooking your Christmas dinner, you are probably back to doing it for others. This isn't a competitive exhaustion thing, just a reason why the other mum might just see your little family as also in the trenches, rather than someone needing specific treatment.

And children are always, always ill at Christmas, for years, and so are parents very often. It's one of the crappy things nobody tells you. Aside from a massive vomiting bug, or a very newborn baby I can't see why anyone would mind a cold to be briefly around a child. For all you know, you might have given the baby the cold yourself off someone you passed in the supermarket.

Nothing to do with who is more tired. It's basic courtesy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:21

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 00:00

Your baby doesn't give a shiny shite that it's Christmas

Never said she did? I on the other hand do given I had plans...
These comments miss the point entirely.

OP posts:

Jinglejells · 27/12/2025 00:23

Sorry op that was so incredibly selfish of her. Really shows you what type of person she is.
now that you have a baby you really need to speak up on behalf of them. It gets easier and you find yourself being more assertive

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:25

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

I'll be taking her out and about most likely. Not to visit a baby in their own home unnecessarily, but if you're happy to do that with "gay abandon" and no heads-up I guess that your prerogative 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

OP posts:

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:34

So many people seem to be missing the point of this.
I'm not expecting "special treatment" as the mum of a baby.
Imo it is common courtesy to let people know you are ill before visiting them and the situation I was in was even more reason to do so. Letting people know takes next to zero effort.

This isn't some weird kind of competition between baby and toddler mums.
These comments of people seeming to think they're some sort of authority on the subject because their child is a couple of years older than mine and think they should be applauded for "cracking on" are so depressing.

OP posts:

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:34

Hankunamatata · 26/12/2025 22:45

Annoying but it's life. You or dh could have easily picked up a cold somewhere else and gave it to dd

Don’t be so ridiculous! Of course op and family caught this from her friend’s toddler.
Surely it’s common sense, if you or child have a cold/virus, you don’t go visiting people’s homes.
With my work, in the community, if l have a cold or anything contagious! It’s my responsibility to notify my employer and take time off, not carry on as usual and spread, whatever l got to everyone else!
@Biscuit94 you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I’m baffled by some of these comments, no doubt from the same people, who think it’s ok, to cough and splutter everywhere in public places! Agree op, it is just thoughtlessness and more than inconsiderate.

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:39

Theslummymummy · 27/12/2025 00:00

Your baby doesn't give a shiny shite that it's Christmas

How is that helpful! Your username @Theslummymummy explains a lot!

Original poster

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:40

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:34

Don’t be so ridiculous! Of course op and family caught this from her friend’s toddler.
Surely it’s common sense, if you or child have a cold/virus, you don’t go visiting people’s homes.
With my work, in the community, if l have a cold or anything contagious! It’s my responsibility to notify my employer and take time off, not carry on as usual and spread, whatever l got to everyone else!
@Biscuit94 you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. I’m baffled by some of these comments, no doubt from the same people, who think it’s ok, to cough and splutter everywhere in public places! Agree op, it is just thoughtlessness and more than inconsiderate.

Show quote history

Thank you! Seriously starting to lose faith in people. They're surely the types who come into work spluttering everywhere and expect some kind of medal for "cracking on" regardless. Meanwhile they've made people at best miserable and at worse passed it on the vulnerable people unnecessarily. Smh

OP posts:

WorkingMum90 · 27/12/2025 00:50

I don't understand why you let her in your house? Just say sorry we don't want your toddler's cold & close the door? I agree she should have warned you about the cold and asked if you were ok with her coming round with an ill child - but why did you let her in if he was obviously ill?

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:52

FancyCatSlave · 26/12/2025 23:54

Lets see how you get on in 12 months time. I guarantee you will be carting your snotty toddler everywhere with gay abandon like the rest of us. We all start out with different ideas and then the reality of juggling life around their illnesses plays out and you just ignore the snot.

I had a Covid baby and it has taken years for her immune system to catch up from the lack of exposure. There’s no benefit to avoiding the colds. It makes everything worse.

No @FancyCatSlave it’s not "gay abandonment”
you’re completely missing the point, how is it ok to take your unwell child to visit someone else’s home, it’s not like visiting is vital and that’s the point, you visiting is not essential, so why go, when it’s just common sense to reschedule🙄

Justchilling07 · 27/12/2025 00:54

Biscuit94 · 27/12/2025 00:40

Thank you! Seriously starting to lose faith in people. They're surely the types who come into work spluttering everywhere and expect some kind of medal for "cracking on" regardless. Meanwhile they've made people at best miserable and at worse passed it on the vulnerable people unnecessarily. Smh

Show quote history

Exactly.

ThreeSixtyTwo · 27/12/2025 00:58

WorkingMum90 · 27/12/2025 00:50

I don't understand why you let her in your house? Just say sorry we don't want your toddler's cold & close the door? I agree she should have warned you about the cold and asked if you were ok with her coming round with an ill child - but why did you let her in if he was obviously ill?

It's hard to assess the health of someone else's child at the first glance at the door.
Especially if you don't really expect your guest to be this shit, so you try to excuse the first cough as a (totally existing) post infection coughing which can linger for weeks. Even asking is hard, as it means you are questioning the reasoning of your guest. Yes, it might be necessary going forward, but when you are put on the spot it's hard.