Yes there are such things as accidental pregnancies

[greenwithglee]

I am getting increasingly frustrated with this on a site which is supposed to support mums and women. Someone will post for advice relating to an accidental pregnancy, and you can pretty much guarantee within the first 2 pages some prick will come along and ask "well how did it happen?". Errr quite frankly its none of your business and doesn't really relate to what the OP is asking.

It is judgemental, unhelpful and none of you bloody business. There are plenty of reasons birth control fails. Actually when you look at developments in BC effectiveness hasn't really changed for decades- availability and impact on pleasure has, but not effectiveness.

The reckon 50% of births globally are accidental pregnancies, and in the UK and UK that number is still 40-50%

When your doctor tells you about effectiveness rates, that is for one off encounters, the way the % compound over time means the failure rate is actually quite staggering, as illustrated here. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

I dont think this perpetuation of these myths that unplanned pregnancies must be "someones fault", and us as women allowing these judgemental comments to go unchecked on this site is in anyway helpful.

I have several friends who got pregnant with the coil

These "it's not an accident if you had sex" arguments seem pretty stupid.

Are motor vehicle accidents not a thing because people voluntarily drive cars?

At a nearby zoo, they had three lions born after both the male and female contraception failed. Even worse... it was mother and son.

Its not just humans.

The point is if you are driving, you know there are always risks involved and a crash is always a possibility so you do everything you can to reduce the risks. You follow the rules of the road. You understand that if you drive recklessly then theres a higher risk you will crash into something or someone

Idiotic. You can't have a car crash without choosing to drive your car, but you wouldn't argue that it can't be called an accident because it's a possible outcome of driving.
Also you can't spill your dinner down your front without eating a dinner so it's not an accident. You can't fall down a manhole cover without walking down the street, so not an accident.

And even when you do all of those things, and drive carefully, you can still be involved in a car crash and be injured or killed.

So the only responsible thing to do is never walk down the street or eat dinner. Gotta be safe

See? You won't ever get it.

Some women don't just sensibly participate in sex on the basis that it is a pragmatic and practical path to procreation. Pregnancy is an occasional side effect of something much deeper.

I was with my now husband for about 2-3 years when I discovered I was pregnant. Had been having sex on the pill nearly the whole time (beginning we also used condoms). I had been on the pill for around 10 years at this point and never even had a pregnancy scare.
I had no pregnancy symptoms until around 12 weeks which is when I went to the drs who told me.

Yes we didn't accidentally have sex, but we did accidentally get pregnant. That's like saying if I walked a tightrope and fell it wouldn't be an accident either, but I didn't fall on purpose.

Yes. You cannot remove risk from life but you can do everything in your power to reduce risk.

Thats the whole point.

If you follow the rules of the road, if you are cautious, and someone drives into the back of you, thats an accident.

If you drive the wrong way up a one way street with your eyes closed, thats not an accident, that's a natural consequence of your choices and if you've done it a hundred times before, that just means you got lucky up until that point.

I don't agree. If you fall over, you've failed to look where you're going but it's still an accident.

Definition of accident -

.an unfortunate incident that happens unexpectedly and unintentionally, typically resulting in damage or injury.

Accidents are all basically things that people have failed to prevent, be in pregnancy or injury.

No you haven’t. Maybe 1 in a massive number of friends. But the rest lied to you.

I understand what an accident is defined as. I don't agree that carelessness makes the consequence of that carelessness an unforseen and unexpected thing.

If you walk into traffic you should expect to get hit.
If you walk along a pavement you may still get hit but you really can't control that.

My youngr son for example was conceived 6 months after the birth of my older son. I was on the pill. Did I intend to get pregnant? No. Was i taking precautions? Yes. Was i taking proper precautions? No. I was knackered and barely knew what day of the week it was. I dont actually remember having the sex!
Was it an accident? If you go by the dictionary definition I guess so.
Was it an accident? No. It happened because I wasnt taking the pill properly. It was my carelessness.

(And im very glad of it cos he's fab.)

I have an aunt who got pregnant ‘accidentally’ to her 2nd, 3rd and 4th children (all with a 1.5 year age gap) Her husband only wanted 2 children but wants a 4 year age gap between the 2 so they can move houses, develop careers, etc. but she always wanted 4.
The woman said no initially then pretended she has agreed with him. She said she was on the pill the first time, said she was on the depo the second time and implant the third time.
It’s funny and an interesting coincidence how after the 4th child, she went on the implant and hasn’t been pregnant by ‘accident’ in 11 years 😂.
Contraceptions are not always 100% effective but some people are just liars.

Absolutely there can be accidental pregnancies but the number of these are significantly lower then people make out. Having unprotected sex is not an accidental pregnancy, using contraception incorrectly is not an accidental pregnancy, the pull out method is not an accidental pregnancy.

Perhaps you're not explaining it clearly then.

I know in my past I have been very tempted to go through with sex even when it would have been risky - mid-cycle, not on the pill or anything, no condoms to hand. And that is why it was safer to be on the pill and to always carry my own condoms.

Contraceptive failures do happen. But I could at least plan in my more sensible moments when not high on hormones.

I use the term unplanned rather than accidental. I had one myself but it was the lover’s failure to use contraception rather than a failure of contraception.
I think there will always be unplanned pregnancies but once the pregnancy has been confirmed; the questions should be around what can I provide for this child? Every child deserves a safe, stable, warm home with proper food and love.
In my case I was happily married with children and another added to our happy home. No guarantees that would continue for us or anyone but it was a solid start.
If your relationship is new or a bit rocky then contraception needs to be the absolute best it can be. Belt and braces.

The two friends I know who had ‘accidents’ were both desperate for a third child. Just saying….

Can you provide the source for this information please?

waves

DD turned up despite condoms and the pill. And yes, we were using them correctly.

She also didn't announce herself until it was way too late for an abortion.

DP and I wanted to be child free, but also wanted to have sex. Turns out you can't guarantee both!

Its in the original post

The statistics say otherwise

That's correct for a one off encounter, but not how the numbers work over long periods where failure rates compound.

Well my post is about accidental pregnancies and the morning after pill doesnt prevent those.

Many, many women still have ethical problems with abortion. Whilst I believe in a womans right to choose, I know I could never terminate a pregnancy. It simply isnt an option for me. I wouldn't deny someone else that right, but it isnt as simple as saying abortions are available you dont have to have a child