Yes there are such things as accidental pregnancies

[greenwithglee]

I am getting increasingly frustrated with this on a site which is supposed to support mums and women. Someone will post for advice relating to an accidental pregnancy, and you can pretty much guarantee within the first 2 pages some prick will come along and ask "well how did it happen?". Errr quite frankly its none of your business and doesn't really relate to what the OP is asking.

It is judgemental, unhelpful and none of you bloody business. There are plenty of reasons birth control fails. Actually when you look at developments in BC effectiveness hasn't really changed for decades- availability and impact on pleasure has, but not effectiveness.

The reckon 50% of births globally are accidental pregnancies, and in the UK and UK that number is still 40-50%

When your doctor tells you about effectiveness rates, that is for one off encounters, the way the % compound over time means the failure rate is actually quite staggering, as illustrated here. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

I dont think this perpetuation of these myths that unplanned pregnancies must be "someones fault", and us as women allowing these judgemental comments to go unchecked on this site is in anyway helpful.

Great sample size of 2 there to judge all women on

I got pregnant on the pill without realising. I continued to have a bleed every month in the week when it was meant to happen. The only reason I found out I was pregnant is I flew to a country that was at high altitude - one I had been to many times before - and I started getting terrible altitude sickness. I went to a doctor and it took him 30 seconds to ask if I had done a pregnancy test (of course I had not as I didn’t even suspect it). I did one there and then and it was positive and I had a scan and was estimated to be 4 months pregnant (I wasn’t showing at all).

It was a genuine accident. I had been on the pill since I was 14 and this happened when I was 25. I never trusted the pill again afterwards though!

My concern is that this judgement permeates into everyday life. This was prompted by a post by a young woman, I dont know whether her pregnancy was planned or not, but saying that she didnt want to go to mum and baby groups because she felt judged as a young mum. I found it incredibly sad.

I hate it when someone comes here for advice and you get a poster asking "well how did it happen?" its none of their fucking business, but I think we should challenge these views wherever we see them, they dont just harm women behind a screen, they harm them out in the world too.

Err. OK. Glad I've got you to arbitrate truth. 2 I believe 100%, 1 isn't as close so they could be lying. Odd thing to lie so openly about but I concede it could happen.

YANBU. People trying to be pious fucks and telling women to not have healthy sex lives and relationships are unreasonable. You can take every reasonable step to prevent a pregnancy and it still happens. Women are fertile for 40+ years and it can happen more than once. Judgemental women on a forum explicitly for advice and support for women can get so far to fuck.

It’s not “accidental” it’s “careless”.

With so many effective forms of contraceptive it’s silly to pretend otherwise.

It matters because women come here for support and ask a question for relationship advice and rather than getting that some prick decides to ask "well how did it happen if you were using contraception?" its unhelpful, none of their business; and is just sticking the boot in at a time when women feel vulnerable. These women will probably have enough people around them muttering that it can't have really been an accident without an advice forum adding to the chatter

statistics prove time and time again that contraception fails, yet a spiteful and judgemental minority choose to ignore those facts in order to pass moral judgement.

It has no place in society and certainly no place on a forum which is supposed to support women.

“Supporting” somebody can also include pointing out mistakes made and helping them do better.

You are conflating “coddling” with “support”.

Minimal but not impossible.

So your source is a newspaper article from 2014 that doesn’t even provide a citation for the original research underpinning it? HTH

Yes, accidents do happen. I’ve had one. Condom split so I got the morning after pill within 12 hours. It didn’t work, ended up pregnant anyway. Had an abortion.

that said, you do often read threads on here like “I’ve got 5 kids in a one bed council flat now I’m pregnant again and it was an accident” ok then, abortion is freely available in the UK so go and do the right thing. But no, some people continue popping out kids into miserable situations that aren’t in the child’s best interests. Accidental pregnancies aren’t an excuse for that.

"Office of Population Research, Princeton University"

Look at you with your "accidental" judgement.

No form of contraception is 100%, thats the point. Other than abstinence. Is that what you are advocating for?

Surely it’s more important to educate women, so many posters on here saying they didn’t know some form of medication impacted the effectiveness of the pill, so that form of ‘accidental’ pregnancy could be avoided.

Another poster on here appears to have 5 failures with the pill, surely after failure number 2 you would be looking at different forms of contraception

Bit like women who decide to have more DC with shit partners.

Women have to take some responsibility. Yes there are some failures of contraception where it had been used completely correctly but most failures are down to human error.

If you have DC coming up to the age of having sex, do you just say take the pill, use a condom and no pregnancy will result or do you emphasise the risks that a pregnancy may still arise and how to mitigate these risks

Do you understand what a citation is? That’s not a citation - it’s the name of a university department. There’s no reference, citation or link to the actual research.

Fertility is complex some women are far more fertile than others and this is rarely discussed when the subject of accidental/surprise pregnancies come up

so contraceptives (unless using condoms that are safe to use and there is no possible contamination of sperm getting on hands which let’s face it often unlikely) is complex too

to think one pill (or other hormone contraceptive) works for all women to prevent pregnancy as we had been lead to believe is ridiculous

This is such a good point. It's taken me 6+ months to get pregnant each time I've tried. I suspect my good fortunate with contraception is at least partly due to suboptimal fertility rather than perfect use.

I know of an ‘accidental’ pregnancy where both are degree educated, yet had relied on the so-called ‘safe period’….

Honestly, enough to make anyone despair…

I’m just trying to save you from looking stupid. They lied to you. They wanted a baby and for some reason they had to lie. Sorry. Statistics will tell you.

On here alone, posters used condoms, the pill and took the morning after pill. Still fell pregnant and are so pleased they did! All made up and they may be at the point they’ve convinced themselves.

If you don’t want a baby you won’t have one, including the many posters who completely support abortions but couldn’t possibly have one themselves. Again all rubbish.

I've had sex for 30 years including a 25 year marriage and only got pregnant once - the first month I tried.

It's just really not difficult to avoid getting pregnant if you don't want to. The pill alone is over 99% effective if you take it properly. If you use a condom too then the chance of getting pregnant is pretty much zero.

Supporting someone never involves strangers making unsolicited judgements, which is what you're really talking about.

Its almost like not everybody is you. Imagine that!

And why does it even matter? It just seems like a way for people to cast judgement on women, using a convoluted logic about the meaning of "accident" that I'm sure they wouldn't accept if applied to incidents in their own lives.

I got pregnant following a condom breaking (and after taking the emergency contraception pill!). I was old, too! It was very very far from planned.

It does happen.

But yes, there are plenty of folk about who have unprotected sex and then are astounded when it results in a pregnancy.

Can happen, I was sick (food poisoning) at a wedding and the result was dd. I was in the pill but the sickness meant it wasn’t effective, the thing is I knew this and we did use a condom for the rest of the month but I got pregnant from the time a few hours before I was sick! I got pregnant the first month of trying for number two, or rather the first month after stopping breastfeeding