Yes there are such things as accidental pregnancies

[greenwithglee]

I am getting increasingly frustrated with this on a site which is supposed to support mums and women. Someone will post for advice relating to an accidental pregnancy, and you can pretty much guarantee within the first 2 pages some prick will come along and ask "well how did it happen?". Errr quite frankly its none of your business and doesn't really relate to what the OP is asking.

It is judgemental, unhelpful and none of you bloody business. There are plenty of reasons birth control fails. Actually when you look at developments in BC effectiveness hasn't really changed for decades- availability and impact on pleasure has, but not effectiveness.

The reckon 50% of births globally are accidental pregnancies, and in the UK and UK that number is still 40-50%

When your doctor tells you about effectiveness rates, that is for one off encounters, the way the % compound over time means the failure rate is actually quite staggering, as illustrated here. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

I dont think this perpetuation of these myths that unplanned pregnancies must be "someones fault", and us as women allowing these judgemental comments to go unchecked on this site is in anyway helpful.

I had a termination, so the old trope about tricking some poor bloke into ‘giving me a baby’ wasn’t the case with me, just for clarity. I was absolutely horrified to discover I was pregnant.

The comments on this post just go to prove the point the OP was making.

Not to mention the fact the most reliable contraception is hormonal, fucking about with a woman’s body for years on end. But on a thread like this, that’s considered the most responsible thing to do.

@ExperiencedTeacher so what do you suggest women keep on having baby after baby, or numerous terminations?

Do you not think if you are having sex you need to take as much responsibility as you can to prevent unplanned pregnancies if you are not TTC. Just like you should be responsible for all other aspects of your life. Or do you think it’s fine for babies to carry on being born in less than ideal circumstances and for them to have suffer because their parents didn’t take contraception responsibility seriously

I absolutely think people (not just women) should take responsibility for their own reproductive health but so often in a thread like this that becomes “why weren’t you on the pill?”, “you can have an implant you know”. As if reproductive health only means preventing pregnancy.

After infertility, IVF, years of hormonal contraception, an adoption and an unexpected pregnancy I get sick of being told what should happen to MY body. I will never again use hormonal contraception. My DP had had a vasectomy years before we met but if he hadn’t I’d rely on his responsibly use of condoms, knowing that brings a risk. But that risk is better for my body than years of hormones.

It can't really be explained. Some people just aren't very passionate.

It's simply not realistic, for a start, to always use condoms ime

Yes one ought especially with a new partner but

There's nothing passionate about stds and unwanted pregnancies

My point is why is there judgement? Whether a child is the result of TTC or because of contraception failure shouldn’t make a jot of difference really. Where’s the moral failing if both are wanted (which assuming they would be if there was no termination)?

In the case of abortion, that’s there primarily for when contraception fails or people fail to use it. That’s kind of the point of it. No one is getting pregnant willy nilly to experience abortion.

Yes nonetheless most people who have spur of the moment sex are not using condoms that doesn't mean they are planning to breed with one another

You dont have to care what others think, especially strangers on the Internet.

As I said earlier, I got pregnant with my second because I wasnt taking the pill properly.

Do I care if strangers judge me for that? Nope. Don't give a shit. Can't even squeeze out a tiny squeaky fart. What you (general you. The stranger on the net 'you') think about that or say to me about it is irrelevant to me. It has no power over me.

So maybe the thing to do is to not give a flying fuck what people think about your pregnancy.

I agree that it’s highly unlikely in a group of friends that 3+ got pregnant while on the coil and it’s almost certain that at least some are lying. However they’re lying presumably because they know they will be judged for whatever reason. 🤷‍♀️

I agree. It could be they wanted a baby and either partner wasn’t in the same place or they worry family and friends would judge them.

A woman makes that choice and is usually the one who has to live with it. I have little sympathy for any man who says he’s been tricked. He’s also had sex and not protected himself.

I think some of the disbelief comes from people who have needed fertility treatments or needed to closely track their cycles in order to get pregnant. When it's taken lots of effort and time even after stopping contraception it's harder to believe that it can happen accidently or while on the pill. Even from just missing one pill which they tell you isn't safe.
I had my surprise baby at 22. I was on the pill, maybe missed a pill I still don't really understand how he's here to this day and he's almost 10🤣 If I missed a pill now, ten years later I might not get pregnant as easily. Who knows.

On this topic I don't believe jacinda Ardern got pregnant accidentally I think she planned it then lied because she felt it would look bad to admit she did it on purpose shortly after election

Incorrectly using contraception age 22 leading to a pregnancy is not surprising. Certainly no disbelief here. But 3+ women in a group of friends all getting pregnant while on the coil is not true. There’s a big difference.

I’ve had a pregnancy which resulted from a split condom and a MAP taken the following morning. And add to that I shouldn’t have even been ovulating at the time.
And one from using the contraceptive pill reliably - same time each day, not missed one, not on any other medication, not sick.

Yes, a lot of “accidental” pregnancies will be a result of just forgetting to use anything, not using methods reliably, or thinking that the pull out method is reliable. But reliably using contraception can also result in a pregnancy.

Perfect use says 40. But what's perfect use in reality?

It's not "a group of friends", it's different friends from different periods of my life, they don't know each other. One in particular is really struggling with the unexpected transition.

My issue is the number of people who will post about "accidents" as if they had nothing to do with it and zero control over any outcomes. For the vast, vast majority there have been choices/alternative paths they could have taken.

eg will whinge how overcrowded they are with four kids in a two bed flat. People point out how kids 2, 3 and 4 have all been conceived while living in the tiny flat but op says 3 & 4 were "accidents" like it absolves all responsibility for choices. Most contraception failure is due to incorrect use (missing a pill, condoms removed or sabotaged, a coil has come out).

Mum could have had tubes tied after two. Dad could get the snip. You can double or triple up on contraception. Abortions are widely available and cost nothing (I had one as a poor student after an "accident", it was not difficult to arrange or access).

This ! If you really don’t want to get pregnant and it would have huge repercussions then it’s relatively easy to avoid. Abstinence is an option. As is sterilisation if your family is complete. I don’t understand why more men don’t get vasectomies tbh. Could we develop a pill for men to take which renders them infertile unless they are in a long term committed relationship and financially secure? Imagine how many children would be spared a life of poverty by not being born in the first place.

You would have to know a vast number of women (hundreds…) whom you know intimately well enough to know about their contraceptive habits, for it to be probable that you know 3+ who fell pregnant while on the coil. Otherwise some of those have lied to you. I should make it clear that I do not judge women for lying (including to themselves) given the ridiculous level of judgement there seems to be for any pregnancy which hasn’t been meticulously planned.

The last major improvement in contraception was hormonal IUDs and implants in the early 2000's.

Over the last 50 years the improvement in oral contraceptives has been 1%, condoms have actually gone from a 15% failure rate to 13-18% depending on the brand and features, IUDs have improved buy over 1% mainly due to lower expulsion rates.

There is a lot of talk in this area, but actually very little meaningful improvement has happened.

I wish,
I had a coil and I expelled it so I had the hormone implant in my arm, and 8 months later I find out I'm 12 weeks pregnant. So in that respect I have no idea how pregnancy happened.
And I was sterilised and during the procedure I died and it took quite a bit to revive me. The operation left me with constant pain and it took another 12 years before they agreed for me to have a hysterectomy, I'm now enjoying my grandchildren.