Yes there are such things as accidental pregnancies

[greenwithglee]

I am getting increasingly frustrated with this on a site which is supposed to support mums and women. Someone will post for advice relating to an accidental pregnancy, and you can pretty much guarantee within the first 2 pages some prick will come along and ask "well how did it happen?". Errr quite frankly its none of your business and doesn't really relate to what the OP is asking.

It is judgemental, unhelpful and none of you bloody business. There are plenty of reasons birth control fails. Actually when you look at developments in BC effectiveness hasn't really changed for decades- availability and impact on pleasure has, but not effectiveness.

The reckon 50% of births globally are accidental pregnancies, and in the UK and UK that number is still 40-50%

When your doctor tells you about effectiveness rates, that is for one off encounters, the way the % compound over time means the failure rate is actually quite staggering, as illustrated here. https://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2014/09/14/sunday-review/unplanned-pregnancies.html

I dont think this perpetuation of these myths that unplanned pregnancies must be "someones fault", and us as women allowing these judgemental comments to go unchecked on this site is in anyway helpful.

I think it's just one of those things where everyone knows what you mean but some Mumsnetters just really want to feel superior and argue for the sake of it.

In real life, if I tell people "yeah, my pregnancy was an accident, I missed a Pill", people understand what I mean - didn't intend to get pregnant, made a stupid mistake, pregnancy was still accidental because the outcome wasn't as intended, DD is a happy accident.

People on Mumsnet: if you are not using SIX METHODS OF CONTRACEPTION you are basically begging him to impregnate you, I think you secretly want a baby, how could it be accidental? There are no accidents! Accidents don't exist!

Just another one of those weird ways in which Mumsnet doesn't accurately reflect real life; all we can do is shrug our shoulders and move on.

By Mumsnet logic, if I'm walking while looking at my phone and trip over, it's not an accident - I must have secretly wanted to fall and I'm telling everyone it was an accident to hide some kind of moral failing in myself.

Of course there are such things as accidental/unplanned pregnancies. The how is absolutely none of anyone's business.

The amount of judgemental women on this thread is disgusting.

I mean so what? If people come on here and ask for advice they are likely to be sharing a personal experience. Then people are likely to respond with personal questions. If then the op says it's "none of your business", well ok but I don't think it's wrong or inherently surprising that that question is asked.

This, even if only wanting it on a subconscious level.

I admit to having had fully unprotected sex with DP while I was waiting for my appointment to get the coil fitted. I don’t want a baby now (and maybe not ever) but my 36 year-old sub-conscience seems to have other plans. 🤦‍♀️

I haven't been on contraception since 2007, and have managed to only have 3 planned babies. Not 1 single accident.

Given there is only about 3-5 days in a month that a woman can typically get pregnant, I think statistically getting pregnant accidentally and that being a contraception failure is pretty rare.

Yeah , this winds me up a lot.
First child, conceived while using condoms.
Second, while on the pill, but miscarried
Third, on the injection.

First marriage then ruined due to my terror of having sex.

Started a new relationship. Got a coil fitted, but didn't tell new partner so he'd still use condoms. Fell pregnant within first month.

After child is born, 2nd husband has vasectomy. Which causes chronic ongoing ball pain - 20 years. We have very little further sex.

Now in my late 40s with gynae problems. Recent specialist commented of how lucky I am to have children, everything points to me being very infertile. Hmmm, interesting definition of lucky.

I am very sympathetic as I got pregnant due to a contraception fail. Had a non-hormonal IUD that should have worked for ten years. Worked perfectly for about five years and then I got pregnant with it still in situ. Not much I could have done to prevent this.

How do you mean “no idea how he was conceived”? Presumably it was the result of sex. Were you using contraception or not?

I think some people are actually taking issue with the use of the word "accidental" ("an event that happens by chance or that is without apparent or deliberate cause") as opposed to the more accurate "unplanned".

I have yet to see anyone advocating for the use of 6 forms of contraception. The hyperbole doesn't really add credence to your argument.

Also, just because people in real life don't comment on your use of the descriptor "accidental" because they are being polite, it doesn't mean they don't have the same thoughts and objections as posters are raising online.

I’ve had two accidental pregnancies.

The first was a split condom and failed MAP. GP prescribing never mentioned ovulation to me, which had already occurred, therefore it was always going to fail. I found this out after I discovered I was pregnant.

my second was withdrawal method failure, but I knew that was a risk and wasn’t mad about getting pregnant but definitely wasn’t trying to.

i should add due to the first pregnancy I ended up terrified of having another accidental pregnancy once we decided our family was complete and it massively affected our relationship. DH has now had a vasectomy so that helped a lot!

This is an incredibly good point. There’s nothing inherently WRONG with missing a pill; we make mistakes and life happens. Mumsnet can be really weird about it.

I don’t judge people who say they’ve had accidental pregnancies. You never know what’s going on in someone’s life, none of us are perfect, and it’s their life, not mine! I have plenty of things happen in my life that I wasn’t prepared for. But the issue here on Mumsnet, yes, I do struggle a bit not to judge when people have no room or time for their existing kids, then have another, and say it was an accident.

In a recent thread, someone with a three-bedroom house had five kids, and was forcing her pubescent daughter to share with a brother half her age. When she was already a bedroom short with three kids, she then had a toddler and then another baby, and just said the final pregnancy had been accidental and that she was waiting for the council to solve the problem by hopefully giving them a bigger house. I think the thread may have been rage bait, but yes, there were a lot of comments about “accidental pregnancy” in the thread, mostly from people concerned about the older kids.

Not sure you need to be a gynecologist to form that opinion😁

Why are accidental/unplanned pregnancies judged anyway? What does it matter? Abortion is readily available where the pregnancy is not wanted, and ‘happy’ accidents are… a good thing? I am not sure I understand what the fuss is about.

If you have sec during your fertile years even with contraception there is always a chance of pregnancy. It’s never accidental!

Well apparently, some people have intercourse but stop and put the condom on before ejaculation.

It's only what I read here once, so no idea how common it is or not. But there are limited ways you can use a condom improperly.

I'm pretty sure typical use stats also include cases where people don't use one at all but intended to!

Someone I know didn't know she was pregnant. They'd been trying for years and her husband had been told that his sperm count and motility was so low that he was functionally infertile. She hadn't had a period in around four years and tests had shown she wasn't ovulating and had PCOS. She had some concerning symptoms so went to the GP. GP did a pregnancy test which was negative and some basic blood tests for iron, diabetes, etc which all came back normal. He could feel a mass so he referred her for an ultrasound. To everyone's shock, the ultrasound showed a five month pregnancy, even now he's an adult she calls him her miracle baby.

I don’t so much judge, but if you’ve got 3 or 4 kids who are unplanned and start complaining about the cost, or finding childcare etc I will side eye you. Same as if you’ve had a kid of abortions - take some responsibility and prevent!

I also think individual physiology varies hugely. Birth control worked well for me despite many missed pills, late depo injections, etc. I also used withdrawal method for ten years and never got pregnant. I thought I was some sort of contraceptive ninja, but it turns out I was just massively subfertile, as I discovered once I actually waned a baby.

I know enough women who get pregnant the minute they stop using contraception that it’s clear to me that some people have a lot less margin for error than others.

I also know enough women who got pregnant despite an having an iud, or people whose iuds mysteriously went walkabout in their abdominal cavity, that I wouldn’t trust those at all.

Very relieved on balance to be post-fertile.

In the late 60's I was told that the contraception pill was not for me and they would fit me with a coil, an Intrauterine Device (IUD) It was awfully painful from the beginning both insertion and sex so I went back to Docs a few weeks later who told me I was pregnant - wonderful. I never wanted children but wouldn't have an abortion.
When I was giving birth the hospital midwife joked that the baby would come out laughing holding it in their hand which I didn't find funny at all.

Why would she consider an invasive surgical procedure with all the immediate risks associated with that surgery such as bleeding, infection, organ damage, blood clots, reaction to anaesthetic, etc? It also has a long-term failure rate of around 1 in 200 and carries the risk of ectopic pregnancy as ovulation still occurs each month. As someone advised in very strong terms to not get pregnant again, every doctor I've ever spoken to have also strongly advised against sterilisation due to the level of risk.

They’re actually very, very effective. More so than condoms or the pill.

With #4 did an angel appear?

Actually totally agree because no doctor told me on 4 weeks of antibiotics that the pill would stop working effectively after 10 years of no kids. After having covid I became even more ill so was given intravenous antibiotics for a week then sent home on tablet ones for 3 weeks..Hey presto we now have twins, no we were not trying the past 10 years of pill success shows it. Neither was it an accident it was a failure in the pill working and not being informed that may happen

It depends what you class as “accidental” really, and what contraception is being used.

An “accidental” pregnancy if a woman is not on birth control, a man doesn’t use a condom, relying on the pull out method is a lot more likely than an “accidental” pregnancy where a woman is on the pill and a man is using a condom.

If I really didn’t want a pregnancy I would never rely on just a condom because even in my own experience my husband and I have had more than one just randomly split/break, so where you definitely don’t want a baby you double up with contraception on both sides and an accident is far less likely.

👏🏼