To be upset that no one got me a present this year

[middleeastmum86]

Put on a big family christmas for 8 people. Spent a fortune on food, presents for the kids, alcohol, buying presents for everyone. Spent all day cooking frankly a Michelin star level meal. Did not get any presents off anyone. Literally nothing. I spent over £1500 on putting that day on.

I’m not even that upset I’m just resigned to it and more upset that I’m not more upset if you know what I mean!

Next year spend £1500 on a trip away over Christmas in stead.

God op that is horrible. Are they family? Bad manners. My mother is tight kids get nothing. It stings. Dont cook for them next time

Did they bring at least a bottle? I don’t think people, unless they host get how much work it is!

Unless there is a context to this, like only kids got gifts, yanbu. Even if the adults didn’t bring Christmas gifts as such, it’s still customary to bring something for the host when you eat at someone else’s home eg alcohol, flowers, chocolates. Did you not even get gifts from your own household (husband/kids)?. If not then that’s particularly rotten.

So are you the type who would to go to someone’s house for Christmas and turn up empty handed?

Been there, done that. Have scrubbed The word MUG off my forehead, now i go with friends to a hotel for Christmas and buy my own Christmas present which is a Champneys membership for the year, fortunately i live 5 miles from one.

Let me guess, they didn't contribute anything either? Very rude and ungrateful. I wouldn't be hosting again. Book The Maldives and have an amazing time

Who needs them!

Buy yourself a bottle of Chambord and then disappear some place where you won't be disturbed... spend the afternoon sleeping it off.

If you'd like to have presents and yet didn't receive any, that's a shame and very disappointing. I think you'll need to throw out some bigger hints in advance of next Christmas. Actually no, not hints, you'll need to spell it out clearly, as in "I'd like some presents this Christmas, please." Then you could supply a little list of things for people to choose from.

you’re conflating different issues here.

Firstly, are you specifically giving to receive?

Secondly, are you overdoing it?

Finally, what’s the baseline level of spend/gifts that the people involved undertake themselves?

Ultimately, it might be the case that your standards/expectations are way too high and things aren’t matching up. It might be the case that the people involved wouldn’t care if you stripped things back. And generally speaking, most people are not like you - most people give basic/token gifts, not everyone is super thoughtful and spares no expense - so just cut your own cloth accordingly so you don’t get disappointed. You’re not going to find someone who will treat you the way you’re splashing out on hosting others because you are going above and beyond for no real reason.

For me, because I am a super thoughtful, no expense spared sort of person - I only give gifts to 2-3 people. Everyone else gets nothing or something token. When I have kids, I’ll go all out on spoiling them but until then, not everyone else is going to see that side of me.

This is awful. Just stop doing it. Announce now that's it's someone else's turn.

Previously we've gone to my DAs for Boxing Day and I've always given her any Tesco vouchers I've had to contribute (she won't accept cash), a tin of chocolates and some flowers. I then take her out for a lunch of her choice as her proper present in the new year. I would never turn up with nothing!

Did they bring presents for your children? If so perhaps they thought that was the agreement?

Your children are young enough to be excused but I’d definitely be spending future years spending £1500 on what I wanted to do and not hosting those with bad manners.

I really hope that the guests brought food, wine, and perishables as part of the meal, but considering the tone of the post I am assuming they didn’t.

If someone went to all that effort for me I would want to give a present to show how much I appreciate it and valued them. Otherwise it looks like I’m pitching up for a free meal with a don’t care attitude towards the host. Basic morals and manners surely?

Who are the adults that came as they need kicking into touch. Don't bother next year.

Did they bring wine/food/treats to share?

Who are the adults that came as they need kicking into touch. Don't bother next year.

I agree with this. Often expectations and standards are not aligned. Maybe guests do not understand/appreciate the quality of the items you bought? E.g. my mum wouldn’t notice the difference between F&M mince pies and Sainsbury’s - she would be happy with either but in my head I could be thinking that I had pushed the boat out and really tried to treat everyone.

I wouldn’t expect gifts from family members, only from DH and kids. I wouldn’t expect guests to come empty handed though - bottle of booze, cheese & crackers etc would be fine.

Yes, I can imagine. He could have given you some cash in a card.

Never mind, it's all over now for another year.

Say it. Be as flouncy as you like so they get the idea. ‘I can’t BELIEVE nobody bought me anything this year. Being a maid sucks!’ Honestly, do it!! I’m so sorry op x

Then your level of emotional intelligence (and, frankly, general intelligence) is rock bottom.

wow how rude

Nope. Accurate. Of course people understand presents are 8mportant at Christmas

I much prefer to get no gifts so it wouldn't bother me. In fact I find it a bit weird that adults expect presents, but it is a bit unusual of your guests not to bring a bottle or a food item for the table.

I mean...not really. It doesn't take a HUGE amount of critical thinking or basic intelligence to understand why someone would be upset at hosting and not receiving a gift at a time of year where gift giving is VERY much the norm/a sign of appreciation and love. Even if it wouldn't bother you personally, it's not a feat of the imagination to see how it could upset a person.