Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Even if my mum did go all out and buy things to make a Christmas dinner she would never charge me or my brother.

We are the kind of family who do things for one another - like a lot do. When my mum retired she gave my brother money towards a car (second hand and still going strong). She gave me money too

But I do things for her too. I take her out for meals (Groupon as I'm skint).

I took her a bottle of wine on Christmas eve. She came to mine last week for a takeaway. She wouldn't sit going - I've spent 100 pounds - you need to give me a share.

I think it's completely OK that people offer - but to ask your own mum and sister for 83 quid towards Christmas dinner. Then keep all the booze and leftovers just because you are "hosting" - is off.

??

Not any worse than your bragging posts about that it's the norm that people spend a fortune at Christmas and calling other peoples Christmas a "race to the bottom"

Or making digs at people reporting your posts when I certainly didn't on any level

I’m not talking about the OP though. If I were her, I wouldn’t go back. However, there are people on this thread talking about charging for dishwasher tablets. Jeezo.

I‘m not talking about you either btw. You seem a generous host.

But dishwater tablets, electricity and water?
😱

I wouldn't go back either. Charging your mum 83 quid for a supermarket Christmas dinner is obscene in my view unless the OP and her husband are struggling financially - and if they are struggling financially they could do what people who don't have much money do - cut their coat according to their cloth. Buy from Aldi or Lidl. Buy supermarket own brand booze - nothing wrong with it. Aldi in particular do some lovely own brand wines - and most of them are vegan.

Och no. The OPs sister could do a meal for twenty quid a head or less and spend 50 quid on booze

She could probably do a very decent sit down meal for the 6 of them for 60 quid - no need to spend 250 quid at all in the first place

I go all out for Christmas. I love it. But I have never thought to charge the people I invite. Especially if it was my own mother!

Please don't just invent things. If you could show where I said that people need to spend a fortune? I also didn't say anyone reported my posts. Please read things properly if you're going to make accusations.

You deciding that £250 on Christmas food and drink for 6 is a "fortune" is not me (or the other numerous people saying the identical thing, that it's a pretty normal amount) "bragging". The fact that you want to ignore the hundreds of posts each year on the numerous Christmas fridge threads literally with pictures to show you that a complete random cross section of our society spend exactly that, is odd. In fact, you state that you don't believe these hundreds and hundreds of pictures show that it's the norm at all. Why? It's there in picture form, each and every year.

If you state £250 is a fortune, that's entirely up to you. OP chooses the food with her sister that totals this amount, so she doesn't, and that's what this thread is about.

I also don't understand why you keep referring to your own completely different circumstances (a vegan curry takeaway for £7.50) and telling OP that her family are "rinsing" her? Neither why, when someone points out that a takeaway curry isn't relevant to a £250 Christmas dinner for 6, that you need to look for offense in that statement? I could have had chosen to eat Nutella on toast for my Christmas dinner. £1. What is anyone supposed to do with that information in relation to OP and her circumstances that bare absolutely no relation to mine?

My wee brother moved in with my mum after a horrible toxic relationship breakdown. His ex refused to buy him out of the house that they owned.

She was abusing him too and he got to the stage where he walked away from his share in the property for his own sanity after fighting for months through lawyers to try and come to some kind of solution

He moved in with my mum for 18 months after his ex threw him out when he said he was leaving - and my mum didn't take a penny from him

He did loads of stuff for my mum when he was living there - she was just happy to see him be able to save for a deposit to buy his own home

The notion of charging your mum 83 quid to come to your house for Christmas day is just alien to me.
My mum won't take a penny off us for Christmas food but we both make it up to her in other ways - and that suits us.

When my wee brother was at uni and I was working full time I used to give him money and pay his TV licence

It's swings and roundabouts as far as I'm concerned as he has done a lot for me when I've been poor

@Differentforgirls has no-one offered to host or bring a contribution of food/drink in those 25 years? Or are you a person who expects everyone to come to you?

You did make comments suggesting people were reporting your posts.

I don't care about the Christmas fridge posts. You're the person who has decided that the fridge posts on here are the norm

You're the person who used the language race to the bottom - you own that

Do people need to pick apart everything someone is posting on here

Im not going to sit here and defend myself against two people who spent last night sneering at my posts - I can assure you of that.

If I had called someone else's Christmas meal a "race to the bottom" I would have either messaged them privately or I would have deleted the post

Quite obvious that some people have money but they have zero class - because all they want to do is sit sneering at people who don't have as much money as them

I wasn't the person who started spinning yarns about how the OPs sister must have had posh cheese boards and picky bits and x y and z to make up the cost. They could have spent 100 quid on alcohol for all any of us know

And for the record. I don't spend my entire life looking at the fridge threads on here. I've spent the last three and a half years studying for a degree and I've been really busy

It's because of the set up OP has, people are taking all the costs into account.

Most people don't charge and find the concept alien. However, OP does. And over and above this, wants to challenge her sister over £20.

So the point is more, if you're going to be part of a group charging each other for Christmas dinner, and start a thread over feeling hard done by because you only had one alcoholic drink, and Sue had three, etc, then you need to acknowledge that Sue cooked and hosted. Basically if you're going to be that person who wants £20 off because "she drank more than me" then the equally "well it's my gas, and my electric, and me cleaning and tidying the whole place and hosting you" is valid. If you want to argue you only had one glass of wine then you invite, "well I used 4 dishwasher tablets".

It's not a concept a lot of us can comprehend being in, absolutely. But it is, nonetheless, OPs scenario, and what the thread is discussing.

Again, no. Try going back and reading it.

Also, you might want to look up the context of "race to the bottom" on Mumsnet regarding people trying to humble brag about how minimally they do something, resource wise. It's not about poverty.

You are making this thread all about yourself. Even when people aren't talking to you, you automatically assume they are. No one can do much about that.

I’m J, P xx

Splitting 4 ways between the adults would be fairer but the difference is only about £20 and is it worth falling out about.

Going out for Xmas dinner would cost you more and would probably not be as nice.
I see keeping the leftovers as a thank you for hosting but would always offer a carryout, particularly if there is more food than can be eaten by the family. A lot of work goes into hosting both before and after the event.

Hope you had a good Christmas and have a good new year as well. All the best (sincerely)

The fact you want to persist in misinterpreting something, despite being given factual context to the contrary, isn't my issue.

The only person calling two people on this thread various names, is you. The other poster wasn't rude to you either. Just because you like to call people things, doesn't make it so.

Whit?

Whit?

Same xx

I'm not really into being gaslit because that's what you are doing. You've been rude to me and one other person on here - if you don't like my posts do yourself a favour and scroll on

I'm not really a fan of people who rewrite history to suit their own narrative

And lots of people on here talk about themselves and their Christmas situations,

My mum couldn't cope with Christmas for a long time - her dad died of bowel cancer just before Christmas

She lost her brother to suicide just before Christmas

My gran died just before Christmas in 2010 of a massive stroke and her funeral was the 23rd of December

Us wanting to make Christmas low key has very little to do with us being vegan or me being poor - it's because of the losses we have had

Your race to the bottom comments started all of this when that has nothing to do with why my family have a low key Christmas or don't spend much

My mum has found Christmas very tough since her dad died never mind my uncles suicide and my grans stroke

And I'll apologise for swearing at you - but when you get personal comments of race to the bottom when your family has gone through some of the stuff mine has - it's going to touch a raw nerve

I mean if you are having smoked salmon, organic turkey and champagne then yes you will spend a lot of money! Most people who have a budget don’t have that level of luxury. We had a few bottles of discounted champagne from Morrisons this year, slow cooked gammon potatoes, veggies, pickles and a big homemade tiramisu for desert, snacks such as crisps, nuts, chocolate - lots of white/red/soft drinks and we already have lots of spirits. You have to cater to your budget and not pretend you are a millionaire!