Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

There wasn’t actually a lot of alcohol, maybe £60’s worth. I spent far more than that on the cheese board. Also bought two sides of salmon, smoked salmon and other seafood. 8 tubs of Heroes/Celebrations/Roses, 10 tubes of Pringles and about 20 bottles of pop. It all adds up!

I agree with the suggestion of sending over the amount of money you are happy to contribute.
Hey while i think of it here is £50/£62.50 or whatever towards the Christmas food, thank you for a lovely day x

For how how many people?

I think the £250 should be £130 your sister and her family. £60 your mum £60

You are unkind though.

I think that's the way to go.

Sorry but your sister is the one cooking the food so it’s her electricity and gas being used to cook the food. Do you help cook? Do you wash up? If no to either or both i think you are being very unreasonable and you should be thanking her. Keeping all the food wise then if it bothers you at the end of the meal ask if you could have a plate to take for the next day. **

Calling someone out isn't unkind. The fact they don't like being called out isn't unkind either.

Interestingly, "someone" has been reporting the posts that have since echoed what I said. So clearly, if you don't agree with one narrative, it appears you must be silenced.

Nope. Insane. Next time, go out with your mother. But then I couldn't imagine charging family like that, perhaps especially my mother.

I think it depends on priorities.

We had 4 adults for Christmas - myself, DH and our two DC. DD is a student and DS is an apprentice (i.e. neither have much money to spare).

We had a Finest Tesco chicken wrapped in prosciutto with stuffing for our Christmas meal (£12.50) along with lots of Aldi veg (all 5p each) and Aldi pigs in blankets (£2.50). We also had a box of stuffing although stuffing in the chicken (£1 when on offer earlier in the year). I made Yorkshire puddings (we always have flour, milk and eggs anyway but relatively low cost if we add it up). That comes to what? Under £20 anyway.

I bought a bottle of Prosecco (£6) and some lemonade and fruit juice (another £3-4 maybe?)
DD provided some crackers and some home made sweets.
DS provided some beer and a box of posh biscuits.
I'd say that wasn't out of the ordinary for "guests" as their contribution?

We also had a bought Tesco Finest Christmas pud and cream, home made mince pies and a Yule log (that was free with Morrisons points). Another £10 there?

I think that brings me up to about £40 for the amount spent on Christmas dinner - we had lots of food left over for sandwiches and bubble and squeak, and a lot of the desserts.

I assume based on this thread that some will be sneering at this meal, but it was sufficiently special for us and none of us felt short changed or that we were missing out. I also didn't realise it was so hugely different from what others might be eating!

The £200 we didn't spend on food on Christmas Day will cover the cost of a post-Christmas short break for DH and myself :)

If you read the entire thread the OP helps with the food shopping and the food prep - the OP also isn't a big drinker and contributes to the alcohol being bought - and pays more towards the full cost of the food than the sister and her husband - that's not unreasonable

I've not reported any of your posts or anyone else's - if that was levelled at me. The only post I reported this morning was the one where someone had their mobile phone number on display and I reported that because I was concerned.

I thought it was OP's share. My mistake. In this case, I'd pay. But I still disagree with charging family for Christmas and hosting.

If you are the only family hosting every Christmas then it is quite rude for other family members not to contribute anything, be it food, wine or money.

I think it is probably too late this year but next year tell her in advance what your budget is towards the shop and say that alcohol will not be included as you will bring some on the day. That way you have some control over the situation.

I’m in a similar situation to you and I make some of the dishes and buy some extras such as crackers/napkins/candles. I always get offered the left overs of the things I made but usually leave them as they have hosted.

I think it should be split 4 way. I wouldn't expect the children to be included but all adults should pay a share. Her H ate and drank. I'd send her £62.50. Next year you might want to go out to eat. It would cost around the same.

I certainly won't be sneering at it given the amount my family spent on Christmas day.

If you enjoy your Christmas that's all that matters - I certainly enjoyed mine.
I don't have a freezer either - just a fridge which is another reason I don't go overboard. I moved house 5 years ago and my kitchen is tiny (had to move as my flat was being demolished). In my old flat I had space for a fridge and a chest freezer. My mum has freezer space but not much - so we buy what we need so there's nothing wasted.

I actually got an aldi too good to go bag on Christmas eve for 3.30 and I got loads of fruit and veg. So I'll be making soup today with the veg and the free tatties my mum got from the pantry.

We'll be doing more or less the same for Hogmanay next week.

The OP does contribute. The issue is she's being asked to contribute more than the sister and her husband do combined and pay towards alcohol when she barely drinks

Read the thread.

I think this year it is too late..it's been done and i'm guessing is the same as other years. I'd split the £250 four ways between the adults - pay £60. Next year, make your opinion known way before organising and buying.
If you go out to eat it's going to be £75+. Do your own thing or perhaps pay only for the food and bring your bottle of wine

I don't have a clue what you're talking about but I stand by my earlier post. Also, your idea of throwing money at Christmas isn't the "average", it's quite grotesque in my view.

I have hosted for 25 years and have never asked for a penny. My family aren't rude. I think being rude is inviting people to your house to eat dinner then charging them!

As the children are still relatively young this should be split between all adults which I believe is 4 , that then leaves it costing less than £70 per person which is reasonable , I don’t understand why your sister and husband are not paying there fair share, you all pay towards the kids to thank her for hosting, I must point out I have hosted lots and never asked for money, but guests will bring a pudding /cheeseboard and some fizz

To those commenting about "quibbling" about how much a fair share should be, or saying it's "only" x much more, seem to forget that to some people the OP's 1/3 share is double what they spend on food in a week. At an already expensive time of year, the difference between splitting 3 ways & 4 ways can make the difference between running out of money or not.

And as someone who hardly ever drinks any more (doesn't agree with my meds) I would also be a little miffed at having to share the alcohol bill of 3 other people who drink a fair bit.

I completely understand the hosting element, but surely covering the costs of the kids (if it's split just between adults) would make up for that in some degree, or at least splitting out the alcohol element would make it a bit fairer.

And not everyone stresses preparing for days beforehand when hosting immediate family at Christmas - I do Boxing day for DSis & whichever of her sons is with her and apart from making sure there is a cleared table for food and a general tidy up the day before they take me and the house as is. Yes I spend a bit extra on cooking and heating costs but that's it really.

Definitely.

I'd find it too crass to try and charge guests for coming to my home to eat. However, it's just simple manners to bring a token of appreciation. Because I spend a lot on hosting, guests bring really nice things, flower bouquets, nice champagnes etc. I take something equally lovely to the family member who puts on superb food and hosts on Boxing Day.

If you've done some kind of pre arranged "every household pays cash for Christmas dinner" then it's not a too dissimilar in concept I guess, but it's transactional cash and 100% expected...not based on inviting guests and then showing their appreciation to the host.

It's also very normal to offer to help the host out and not sit about like you're at a hotel all day. Again, that's just manners. You shouldn't have an expectation of showing less appreciation because you've done something to assist the host. Pondering if my DM was expecting her bouquet of flowers back as she did help unload the dishwasher...

I think it's an interesting point too, if you are the host every year. I am. I'm the better cook (at large numbers catering stuff), have the more suitable kitchen and house, and the most DC, so they like staying at home with their new presents rather than being dragged away an hour after they've opened them. DNan, bless her, always offers. Problem is, her house is tiny, no one would be able to sit down comfortably, her kitchen is too small to prep and cook the amount needed for all of us, and actually she's not a great cook at roasts. The little children would be itching to get back home to their toys and there's no room for them to take anything to hers. But none of us would ever say that to her. Just a simple "No no, please don't worry about it, we've got it covered, our treat" is all she will ever hear. So there may be a variety of reasons why OPs offer to host isn't viable to anyone but OP.

I think if you're going to quibble over getting reimbursed £21 because your household contains fewer adults and chose not to drink as much alcohol as the other two households, it's showing very little appreciation to the household hosting you all day.