Christmas expense split unfairly

[Blackcat54]

I'm single, I go to my sisters for christmas who is married with two kids. Mum comes too, alone. Me and my sister do the Christmas food shop together and mum brings bits. I had one alcoholic drink on christmas day.
When it comes to splitting the expense for christmas food and drinks, my sister expects us to split it 3 ways between her (and her family) me, and my mum. I dont think this is fair because I'm one person, I barely drink, she's a family of four and she also keeps all of the leftover food and drink for her family. We havent sorted out the money side this year yet but will soon, how do I handle this? She can be very difficult when she doesnt get her own way.

Costs that you would have regardless of who is there, are not included. That would be unreasonable.

The costs are ridiculous. I end up cooking enough for 4 large dinners even though there's two of us, and it's barely around £50. We then use the leftovers the next two days. That's with 9 different things on the meal and a nice large cake. I could do 10 large meals for much less than £100 with ease. And I would be using my oven and everything else regardless so would be pathetic to include.

This is the same as saying "why should I pay petrol money to someone giving me a lift, they're driving there anyway?"

Yes. They are. But the point is, if they didn't, you'd have to pay to fuel and drive your own car. Plus it's just the most basic of manners not to acknowledge the favour being done for you. And if you can't return the favour, you find a different way to acknowledge it, ie petrol money, or "you drive, I'll cover the parking"

Whilst most families don't split costs over things like this, if OPs family do, then again, it's basic manners to account and attribute value to the hosting.

She’s hosting you. So I think it’s fine to go three ways.

The OP has offered to host more than once. The sister wants to host as she has young kids who presumably want to be at home on Christmas day to open presents

As someone who prefers soft drinks most of the time, not drinking alcohol can be a bit of a red herring unless you're drinking entirely tap water.
The alternatives can be expensive and you often end up drinking more.

You can get 4 litres of full priced, full sugar, branded coke for about £5 that will be overkill fof anyone for a full day.. Basically all other soft drunk options are less than that. There's not a chance if they added £10 more for her share, that they won't be paying much more than any soft drinks they consume cost for the day.

I think if the OP frequently offers to host and the sister always says "no, you come to us," then travel costs/time need to be factored in. Is the sister round the corner or a 5 hour drive away? I wouldn't be keen on subsidising the sister's family meal and spending hours/£££ on travel.

Plus, if the OP..is single/childfree, I bet she spent more.on presents for the family of four than she got back. Not the spirit of Christmas obviously, but she xould be spending loads on her nieces/nephews?

Equally this could be why OP offering to host is pointless. Maybe mum and sister live close and OP lives a distance away. The two small children don't want to be travelling to OPs house on Christmas morning in order that OP can cook.

Maybe mum and sister prefer sisters cooking?

Maybe sister has the only house comfortable for everyone to have a place to sit and eat.

Maybe there are other reasons that make it only practical for the sister to host.

If OP lives in a one bed flat, two hours away, continuously offering to host is quite the false thing to do, because the offer could never be accepted.

If OP lives in a perfectly big enough place, close to the rest of the family, when the children are a little older, she should definitely host.

You sound like a lovely guest op and do so much more than my guests!

I do agree paying a third is a bizarre split and a quarter even would make more sense between all adults - but perhaps your DSis feels there are additional expenses with hosting?

if you were just there for the day, that is a ton of money. If a few days, not so bad I think. It’s not just the Xmas groceries but all the ones before and the general household stuff used. I don’t begrudge it but my god the amount of basics like foil, toilet roll, butter, juice we got through with 8 people instead of 4!

Personally I would suggest that you book somewhere to have dinner as it would be much cheaper than that. About £50 -70 for adults and £25-30 for kids then everyone pays fairly.

£250 for 6 people is not bad. Around where I live Christmas dinner without drinks starts at £100 each.

You can get a three course Christmas meal in a restaurant in my home town for 50 quid. 25 quid for kids if they are under 12.

I would think splitting an adult counts as 1 and a child as half

so your sister pays for 3 and you and your mum pay for 1 each

so if the bill is £100 its £20 for your mum, £20 for you and £60 for your sister

but your mum takes bits - so they need to be invcluded

then electric for the days cooking and who does the cooking? that needs to be factored in

The sister would presumably be using electric anyway cooking for her own family

Absolute nonsense. Who charges people for coming for dinner? No one normal.

Do people really sit factoring in the cost of putting an oven on when they invite family around for dinner? I mean the OP and her mum pay a third as it is. The sis gets keeping all the booze and all the leftovers. I think that's worth more in monetary terms than having an oven on to cook the dinner

Correct, in my world also.

But slightly pointless comment when in OPs world they do, and that's what this thread is about...

Is there anyone on this thread you haven’t been rude to?

The irony...

Btw, the sister isn’t cooking for numerous guests. She is cooking for TWO extra people. And they’re not “guests”, they are her immediate family. Unbelievable the amount of people who think charging your family for dinner is apparently a normal
thing to do.

Is that like rain on your wedding day?

I know!! 🤣🤣

Says the woman who would charge her mum and sister for cleaning her own house!!!

I think most people on their thread disagree and find it a very unusual thing to do.

But repeatedly suggesting OP and her family aren't "normal" because that's how they do things doesn't really contribute much to a thread about that exact situation.

You have to smile...