I am surprised (or not?) at the many callous and sarcastic comments on here abt OPs DM and how she is "trying to make it all about her" and how selfish etc she is. People of her age (MY age!) all have different life experiences (developed over a lifetime, not a few years) and how they behaved when the same age as the OP was a different era altogether. For many, the adage "children should be seen and not heard" was something that many believed in and it often was the norm. Women typically did what their DHs insisted upon and had to puit up with it or life could be very miserable. And yes, loads of alcohol was also the norm.
But here she is at 75, widowed for 20 years, and luckjy enough to have a loving DD (and she IS VERY loving) and clearly she doesn't see that the children are any more important than anyone else, including her.
The remarks made that 75 isn't old ignore the fact that every 75-year-old is different. While I am (in appearance) fit and well I am losing my stamina, and have never been a great lover of party games. Meanwhile my DH is a semi-invalid and is unable to join in things as he used to.The other GPs are a few years younger than us and absolute party-people which we are not, but only six months ago the grandpa suffered a major heart attack and his physical cababilities are much reduced. Both Grandpas deserve some consideration from family and friends - though none of us would say or imply that we were more important than the GC or anyone else.
Ill health, declining physical (or mental) abilities or just plain wearing out of bodies will come to most of you younger folks, at different times. I have friends in their 90s who still go mountain-walking and friends in their 60s who cannot go far at all. For the latter, the strain of everyday living can reduce their ability to manage life as they used to, and they are often in pain which is not a visible condition.
So let's please cut the OP's mother some slack - one day some of you might be in a similar (or worse) condition and believe me will also expect to be given some consideration at Christmas. And probably deserve that, whatever you think about their past lives (that were likely considered normal to them).
That all said, NONE of us GPs would want any special fuss at family gatherings, but the quiet room might be a good idea for OPs mum. OTOH it might be just that - an idea - and she might be too embarassed to actually use it! I know I would. Actually, I might be upset that I was so lacking in stamina that I needed such a room. Although party games are not my scene I hate to stand out as different.
OP, you are a wonderful DD to be so concerned and considerate to your mum. Of course the children's day is paramount whatever your DM feels, but she is worth a bit of consideration as well. Everyone is. But no, you must NOT alter the day for your children. They deserve to be a major part of the fun and love.
I do find it a bit odd that the neighbours were invited cos I'm not the best at small talk.
My GC are nearly 14 and 12 now. I'm thrilled that we can join in their day and can see they are equally thrilled that we are there. I wouldn't change it for the world despite our personal problems. It was a very loving atmosphere and that means it all to me.
Sorry for the long post, but those who think they are going to be 100% fit and well in later years might have a shock coming to them. I hope not. At least I hope they don't get cast onto the scrap heap as not important to their families.