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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

256 replies

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 02:01

Been single for 9 years now. I love it. Left a DV relationship and find it hard to trust or build a bond with a man without them getting on my last fucking nerve. I'll be happy dying single. But my gosh the threads I've seen the past few days about people's partner's/husbands being lazy or miserable or ungrateful over this supposedly happy period reminds me how happy I am not having to deal with all that shit anymore

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 27/12/2025 00:30

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

Many of us who are now singje and live alone do have children who are now adults.

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:34

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:26

Let’s write to the MP’s immediately and tell them that we have solved the housing crisis.

How dare single people live alone and like it.

Cat parenting is easy but if I’d known she would wake me up in the early hours for feeding, I would have passed 🤣

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I know, I am forever guilty as charged.

And loving it!!

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:15

@Jamesblonde2 I’d hate to be single and childless.

I'd hate to be married with kids.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:44

StartingOverInMy40s · 26/12/2025 13:11

I always want to balance these kinds of threads with my own experience but never do for fear of sounding smug. I left a marriage with a nice but boring man after almost twenty years and met someone new in my mid forties who has made me happier than I’ve ever been and I’d like to think he feels the same. We share housework and life admin and take care of each other. He snores, he swears and he’s not perfect but neither am I and I’d not want to be without him. Being in a relationship isn’t for everyone but neither is being single. All men aren’t perfwct but neither are all women.

What was it that made your ex-husband boring?

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:47

@ThisCalmMauveWriter I would hate being single and miss someone waking up and smiling at me first thing, someone to jump in with bed most nights. I would miss the sex too!

I mean, you don't have to be married or cohabiting to have that.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 01:58

SidewaysOtter · 26/12/2025 14:08

It seems people just don't really have staying power any more - I'm not talking about abusive relationships, which of course need to end, but for example one on another current thread where the OP is wanting divorce after 20 years because her DH isn't much use around the house - the solution there of course is easy, hire a cleaner/housekeeper. The net result of that is both will be fiscally buggered in their mid 40's.

i don’t think it’s a “lack of staying power”, it’s that women increasingly won’t put up with crap relationships with substandard men who can’t be arsed to put in any of the mental effort (preferring to be told what to do: “Of course I’ll do things, you just need to tell me what they are!”) or who deliberately ruin things to show that they can or behave like petulant children when they aren’t the centre of attention. It would be interesting to hear these men be made to explain themselves, although I expect they’d just shrug and say they don’t know why they do it, or deny that they do. It’s what my ex did.

As for “Oh it’s so obvious, they just need to get a cleaner!”…Jesus wept. It’s not about the cleaning, it never is but the men in question never look beyond the superficial issue that they think just needs a quick fix. It’s to do with the lack of equality and effort and bloody thought. And even if a cleaner was the answer, guess who’ll end up organising it? 🙄

Statistically women are happier single and men happier in a couple - yes, because a significant proportion of men expect women to run their lives for them while still wanting to be some outdated “Big Man Of The House” to whom everyone defers. Women have a choice not to put up with that now and by God are we exercising it if we want to.

I wish I could give this post a thousand likes.

My exH and I had a cleaner for a while. Before she arrived, the hoover and other tools needed to be got out, we needed to make sure we had $20 cash for a tip, and obviously we had to make sure that surfaces were clear so that she could clean. She would change bedlinen, but of course we had to lay out what we wanted to be put on.

And who do you think did all this service management? Not him, I can tell you.

Some people really need to read the blog about the man whose wife divorced him for leaving cups by the dishwasher. Spoiler: It was SO NOT about the cups....

https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

@DeftWasp Read the Huffpost article. And here's the accompanying blog below.

This is a man who knows exactly what the woman on the thread you refer to is talking about.

https://matthewfray.com/blog/

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 02:06

TheaBrandt1 · 26/12/2025 16:37

Yabu DH is absolutely brilliant couldn’t have done Christmas without him

Yes you could. He's not some magical being that did a bunch of stuff that you couldn't possibly.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 02:12

SusiQ18472638 · 26/12/2025 16:43

There are some good ones out there, my DH works hard, has always more than pulled his weight in the house/ with the kids, and is very thoughtful/ generous with gifts. Been happily together for 25 years. I personally wouldn’t put up with any of the rubbish I see on here, I would rather be on my own than with a selfish dickhead.

Another one who has no idea that the dickheadery doesn't usually start until you're well and truly caught, and even then is mixed up with lots of non-dick-headery until you don't know which way is up or what to believe.

I'm glad that your experiences are so good that it's left you totally naive as to how bad relationships actually work.

So smug, all the posters in good relationships who are all "Oh, I would never put up with that!"

Similarly, lots of people say they would never give a spouse who'd strayed another chance, and then it happens, and they do.

Best to leave the judgement behind.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 02:14

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 16:42

For those with a genuine unicorn, you are very, very lucky. There are not enough to go around for all of us.

what I find amusing is that assumption that we (women) are perfect and a gift from above.

I am not sure the majority of women are the catch they think they are either 😂Some of the posters on here who (allegedly) are women sound horrendous.

So many threads about an ex DH rushing to marry his new girlfriend and have a very happy relationship leaving a very bitter very jealous ex wife. Ever occurred to anyone that DH might have learnt lessons from his first mistakes , but also that the new relationship is happy simply because the new wife is not the ex-wife, and much more pleasant to live with?

Ever occurred to anyone that the reason the wife is unpleasant to live with is because she's run ragged by her useless husband?

We could go round in circles forever like this!

T1Dmama · 27/12/2025 02:15

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 02:08

And all the "he's a great person and dad but hates our children" malarkey

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100%…. Women make too many excuses for their partners… for men in general.
I see it with mum and their sons too… JUST ‘boys being boys” attitude… then it’s “JUST men being men!”….

Men get away with letting us do all the parenting… I found it pretty interesting today watching my SIL playing with their kids while my DB snoozed!… SIL rolling eyes because she was the one up early this morning with them…. Mean while the older generations all saying “Oh poor man.. he’s exhausted”…. Me and SIL & my teen DD all exchange looks and eye rolls 🤣🙄

I’ve been single 3 years… and like you OP I’m happy to stay that way and reading Mumsnet posts always makes me thankful that I’ve not got a man making me utterly bloody miserable! I used to hate having to constantly compromise my own wants and needs to keep him happy!…. I feel like I sacrificed so much of myself to keep him happy… and he still left…. But when he said he was going I felt relief… and honestly have not missed him, not even once!

I think more and more women are realising we are strong and independent and happier without a man!

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 02:26

sunshine244 · 26/12/2025 18:20

Absolutely agree... although I do worry a bit about being older and alone in practical terms. A single elderly neighbour broke a hip recently and wasn't found for a long time - it was lucky postie happened to come past and hear her shout.

Easily sorted with a panic button or making sure that you have your phone on you. Half of all married people will end up needing to do this too, since usually one dies before the other, and adult children often move away.

Mollydoggerson · 27/12/2025 02:37

Another happily single woman and mother. I m literally allergic to male humour and entitlement. As for the handmaiden, male, arse hole whisperer, fawning for approval, spare me.

Thechaseison71 · 27/12/2025 02:39

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 10:44

Ditto. I get on fine with my ex and I actually think we would have a pretty decent Christmas together if we were both at a loose end.

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I did have Xmas last year with my ( live out) partner, 2 of my kids ( and partners/ family) and my ex ( father of one of them. )

It was a lovely day

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 02:43

Mantari · 26/12/2025 23:12

GG said “Women have very little idea of how much men hate them".

Personally I don't think that is true of all men. But I do think it is true of many men, sadly.

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Oh yes, I remember that.

And yes. She's absolutely right.

GooseberryGreen · 27/12/2025 02:47

I just wonder about the mothers (and yes, I know fathers have responsibilities too) who are raising these dreadful and useless men. How have they turned out this way?

T1Dmama · 27/12/2025 02:52

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 23:17

I am sure it's true
but if people on this forum are genuine, it's also true that men have very little idea of how much women hate them.

It would be funny, if it wasn't worrying. I have sons, knowing they are instantly hated because they're men is a bit weird. I can only hope they meet a decent partner.

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I’m sure if you raise them to respect Women then they’ll find a partner who adores them….

T1Dmama · 27/12/2025 03:07

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:37

The difference I note is women who dislike men tend to want nothing to do with them (romantically) which causes no harm to men.

Men who hate women still want to date us which causes immense harm.

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100%!!

what’s the saying?… men are scared women might laugh at them…. Women are scared men will kill them!”

HelmholtzWatson · 27/12/2025 05:20

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 13:11

I don't hate men. I despise a lot of them though. And a lot of the time it's not venom it's facts about how useless and abusive a lot of them are. HTH

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This is pure 4Chan.

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 07:10

@SoftBalletShoes

we needed to make sure we had $20 cash for a tip

What?! A $20 tip for your cleaner every time she comes over? That’s insane. As a Brit, I’ll never understand American ridiculous tipping culture and why you don’t just agree the rate you’ll pay, and pay it… full stop.

It puts cleaners and other service workers at a massive disadvantage…they have rely on the whims of the people they work for, and whether they deign to pay you that “tip” that you relying because it’s such a significant part of your wage.

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 07:22

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 02:14

Ever occurred to anyone that the reason the wife is unpleasant to live with is because she's run ragged by her useless husband?

We could go round in circles forever like this!

Show quote history

There are many awful men, but in my experience there are equally many awful women too.

The notion that women are just wonderful people and men are inferior scumbags is misandrist bullshit peddled mostly by women who are themselves awful… Most women who are kind, decent and reasonable don’t view the sexes in such a cartoonish “women good, men bad” way.

The main difference between awful men and awful women out there is the awful men are more likely to be violent towards women…. That’s the main concern I have.

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 07:30

I think this is mostly because lots of women choose shit men, and don’t spot, or choose to ignore, the red flags early on in the relationship. And then they get angry and bitter about the poor choice they made.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 27/12/2025 08:07

GooseberryGreen · 27/12/2025 02:47

I just wonder about the mothers (and yes, I know fathers have responsibilities too) who are raising these dreadful and useless men. How have they turned out this way?

In my experience, the son could do no wrong and the mother ignored his behaviour. She almost treated him like some god. She treated his sister like she could do nothing right and yet she was the one who kept in touch and actually saw her.

Woolyminded · 27/12/2025 08:53

Agree! Ive been single for nearly 3 years, apart from a disastrous 4 week stint this summer with someone who turned out to be a pyschopathic stalker, which has confirmed my suspicion that men are too risky to have in my life. 'Not all men' obviously but its just not worth it. Giving one a chance has left me with anxiety, legal action to deal with, and literal nightmares. Staying single seems like a simple way to stay safer and happier.

ZenLikeAlways · 27/12/2025 09:33

UncannyFanny · 26/12/2025 02:30

I think it shows just how many women are single on MN. So many threads you open the bitterness, venom and hatred of men is palpable. One can only hope that endless narrative that all men are this and all men are that is not being drummed into children’s heads the way it flows so readily from the keyboards of their mothers. It’s actually quite sad. Cue the personal attacks for not spewing bile and having a negative opinion of men…

I guess it’s going to be the inevitable nature of a thread like this though isn’t it 🤷🏻‍♀️

Three truly lovely kind men in this house. I realise I’m lucky to have them. My father was another loving, clever, generous, funny guy. I’m so thankful for that, as I suppose it has ramifications down the line as to who I then chose as my partner and how we bring our sons up to be in the world.

FastFood · 27/12/2025 09:38

I woke up this morning from the most restful night, I slept like a starfish in the middle of my bed, with my little dog curled against me.
It was glorious.
I thought about this thread and felt very very grateful to be single.