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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

256 replies

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 02:01

Been single for 9 years now. I love it. Left a DV relationship and find it hard to trust or build a bond with a man without them getting on my last fucking nerve. I'll be happy dying single. But my gosh the threads I've seen the past few days about people's partner's/husbands being lazy or miserable or ungrateful over this supposedly happy period reminds me how happy I am not having to deal with all that shit anymore

OP posts:
TaffetaPhrases · 26/12/2025 23:25

People who are happily married won’t be posting obviously….

But yes, if things went wrong with me and my (lovely) husband I don’t think I’d have the energy or trust to dabble in dating, it’s really so hard to find a decent guy.

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:29

FlockOfSausages · 26/12/2025 17:15

*DeftWasp · Today 09:38
I'll give a male perspective - I'm a nice, decent chap in mid 40's. Two serious relationships, the first cheated on me and left (leaving me heartbroken), the second, for no reason decided to up and go

Men often say someone left for no reason when what they actually mean is the reason didn’t make sense to them. People don’t leave for no reason.

THIS….

Or they did notice listen to what she had an issue with.

Not always. But the “she left out of nowhere” is rarely the case.

TeenageSu1cideDontDoit · 26/12/2025 23:30

UncannyFanny · 26/12/2025 02:30

I think it shows just how many women are single on MN. So many threads you open the bitterness, venom and hatred of men is palpable. One can only hope that endless narrative that all men are this and all men are that is not being drummed into children’s heads the way it flows so readily from the keyboards of their mothers. It’s actually quite sad. Cue the personal attacks for not spewing bile and having a negative opinion of men…

🙄

DeftWasp · 26/12/2025 23:34

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:12

Cheating is always bad but I see no issue with the other one who left? It’s fine to end a relationship you are no longer happy with.

There is also nothing with leaving a relationship
if your spouse is useless around the house.
A “housekeeper” is not cheap and maybe somebody sees the person as making their life harder in bringing onboard extra domestic and emotional load they need to share. Yes it’s more expensive to live alone but the value of not being in a poor quality relationship is priceless.

Valuing “staying power” over the quality of compatible partnership is overrated.

Edited
Show quote history

Nothing wrong with leaving at all, and I wish her well - but little point in starting either, the sadness I personally feel outweighs any good that comes of the relationship itself, so for me its not a road I wish to travel again.

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:37

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 23:17

I am sure it's true
but if people on this forum are genuine, it's also true that men have very little idea of how much women hate them.

It would be funny, if it wasn't worrying. I have sons, knowing they are instantly hated because they're men is a bit weird. I can only hope they meet a decent partner.

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The difference I note is women who dislike men tend to want nothing to do with them (romantically) which causes no harm to men.

Men who hate women still want to date us which causes immense harm.

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

DeftWasp · 26/12/2025 23:41

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:29

THIS….

Or they did notice listen to what she had an issue with.

Not always. But the “she left out of nowhere” is rarely the case.

Show quote history

Sadly there were deep seated issues in her life that she couldn't get past and although she did share some details I don't know the full ins and outs - but there was no issues in the present, just demons of the past alas, it was all very amicable, we often see each other for a coffee and catch up, no animosity.

ruethewhirl · 26/12/2025 23:47

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

What do you mean?

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 26/12/2025 23:47

I think the real key to avoiding crap relationships with crap men is never wanting children (and to a lesser extent, being able to afford life on your own). So many of the problems women on MN have seems to stem from them settling for pointless men because they had such a desire for children.

Kitterkitkat · 26/12/2025 23:48

I think I've gone slightly asexual. But sort of miss the days when I used to bang like a ferret if that makes sense!

If I ever got into a relationship again it would have to be agreed terms and I'd need to perk up my hormones. I'm middle aged so not as bright, pretty and young.

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:49

ruethewhirl · 26/12/2025 23:47

What do you mean?

Show quote history

There are so many single people. Men and women. So instead of a couple needing 1 house, 2 people need 2 houses instead.

iamnotalemon · 26/12/2025 23:51

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:41

I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.

I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage.

I’m single and childfree. It may not appeal to you but each to their own.

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 23:57

Jamesblonde2 · 26/12/2025 23:49

There are so many single people. Men and women. So instead of a couple needing 1 house, 2 people need 2 houses instead.

Show quote history

"I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.
I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage."

We would need far fewer if folks stopped breeding.

Or you can blame us single folk, sure :)

(Personally, I have no issue with folks having kids if that's what they want to do btw. Just making a point here against the ridiculousness of these comments :) )

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:02

Screamingabdabz · 26/12/2025 10:53

YANBU op. The men in our family are brilliant so please don’t lose hope that there are good ones out there, but equally why oh why do women shack up and have dc with dickhead men and then stay with them? I can’t help reading the threads where some useless waste of oxygen male has upset the family Christmas and wonder why she’s had multiple children with the tosser and put up with it for years.

Another one who doesn't realise that they only turn into tossers when you're well and truly in deep.

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:05

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 23:57

"I love my DH and my marriage. He does so many things for me. I’d hate to be single and childless.
I can see from this thread why there is a housing shortage."

We would need far fewer if folks stopped breeding.

Or you can blame us single folk, sure :)

(Personally, I have no issue with folks having kids if that's what they want to do btw. Just making a point here against the ridiculousness of these comments :) )

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I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing that I’m contributing to the housing crisis. Must couple up immediately even if it’s with a selfish fuckwit just so a family can have a house. Think of the poor children.

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:08

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:05

I don’t know about you, but I won’t be able to sleep tonight knowing that I’m contributing to the housing crisis. Must couple up immediately even if it’s with a selfish fuckwit just so a family can have a house. Think of the poor children.

Show quote history

Let's get married!

Do you have cats?

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:09

I like reading about the relationships that are working and where the poster is happy. It warms the cockles of my heart.

For me, after a long and disappointing marriage which was also pretty much sexless, I've been enjoying putting it about a bit. 🤣 I've met amazing men who have been so good-looking, so well-mannered, and much, much better in bed than my exH. I love thinking of the worlds of possibility out there, the many romantic dates ahead with gorgeous men, the first kisses, the holidays, and did I mention all the sex and romance? No way am I ready to settle down again anytime soon. I am post-commitment and having a blast! Helps that I live in America where the men are sexeeeeee and I get dates easier cos they like my accent!

After a few more years of rampaging my way through all the cowboys I can find, I hope to eventually settle into a LAT relationship with someone I love. (Living Apart Together.)

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:13

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:08

Let's get married!

Do you have cats?

Show quote history

Not wanting to live up to the single crazy cat lady stereotype but yeah I have a cat 🤣

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:14

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:09

I like reading about the relationships that are working and where the poster is happy. It warms the cockles of my heart.

For me, after a long and disappointing marriage which was also pretty much sexless, I've been enjoying putting it about a bit. 🤣 I've met amazing men who have been so good-looking, so well-mannered, and much, much better in bed than my exH. I love thinking of the worlds of possibility out there, the many romantic dates ahead with gorgeous men, the first kisses, the holidays, and did I mention all the sex and romance? No way am I ready to settle down again anytime soon. I am post-commitment and having a blast! Helps that I live in America where the men are sexeeeeee and I get dates easier cos they like my accent!

After a few more years of rampaging my way through all the cowboys I can find, I hope to eventually settle into a LAT relationship with someone I love. (Living Apart Together.)

Edited

Good for you. What’s that saying, save a horse, ride a cowboy 😂

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:19

EligibleTern · 26/12/2025 11:20

What gets me on here isn't so much the OPs who post about obviously horrific relationships who are advised to leave - as PP have pointed out above, we all know that actually abusive relationships aren't the only kind available, and when posters want to leave abusive men, this site is a great resource for support and information.

What I find really depressing is the constant casual references in replies to posts where it turns out that SO MANY posters are treated like servants/appliances/an afterthought by their "D"Hs, and the posters write about it like it's just completely normal and expected. Things along the lines of:

"Men just aren't very good at doing Christmas (could be about food, presents, cards, wrapping, cleaning, dealing with his own family, etc.) so if you want him to take part, you'll need to give him more guidance."

"In our house we've always just divided the tasks - we both work full time, and I take care of the house and sort everything for the DCs. He cleans the car, mows the lawn and does the DIY. Sometimes I'm run ragged with it but men just don't see the mess, do they?"

"I can't imagine being so precious about my birthday as an adult as to care what my husband writes in my card - consider yourself lucky you got a card. And DH hasn't felt the need to say he loves me in 20 years, we're not soppy like that."

And so on and so on and so on. If people pick up on the posts that hint at these awful seams of disrespect and lack of care/love running through these marriages, the posters tend to get defensive, annoyed, use the rolling eyes emoji, make a joke, or say that the person responding is needy or pathetic. It's just so horribly depressing to see, time and time again.

One hundred percent. There are a lot of relationships which may not be abusive but are still downright depressing in the attitude that the man has. For example, no way would I ever be with a man who simply declared himself "useless at romance" and that was that. My exH had many faults but he was usually romantic on special occasions.

Of course, twats don't usually go full twatface until you're trapped, or have at least formed an attachment.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:20

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:14

Good for you. What’s that saying, save a horse, ride a cowboy 😂

Show quote history

Never heard that, but it's great! 🤣🤣🤣

I want all the romantic bits of a relationship without the grind of domesticity. Been there, done that.

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:21

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:13

Not wanting to live up to the single crazy cat lady stereotype but yeah I have a cat 🤣

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Ha!

See, this is already fun. I have always wanted cats but have been averse to the cat-parenting; I'll be the man in the relationship and accept no responsibility for their wellbeing! We should do this! (We'll be saving lives and houses at the same time!).

(Honestly, this whole thread is breadbin gold!)

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:22

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 00:20

Never heard that, but it's great! 🤣🤣🤣

I want all the romantic bits of a relationship without the grind of domesticity. Been there, done that.

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I think there’s a song and everything. I totally don’t blame you and I’ve never been married but the older I get, the less it appeals to me.

Happyjoe · 27/12/2025 00:24

PixieDust91 · 26/12/2025 02:13

I am single as well, as of May, but I am pretty lonely and I really can't wait to find my person soon!

Altho I agree 100% with you. The amount of women complaining about their bum husbands on here the last week or so makes me astonished at how many women settled for the bare minimum, and put up with it for DECADE(s)!!!!

It took me 3ish years to see that my ex was manipulating me and lying to me about where our relationship was going (I wanted marriage/kids, he didn't but he strung me along) and I thought I was the buffoon for taking 3 years to see through his lies. But there's women here waiting longer than a decade in some cases for a ring.... I read a woman the other day say it took her's 25 YEARS to propose like 2 days ago.😭

25 years of being together before marriage?!
Having a ring is not everything, it truly isn't. Can be perfectly happy in a relationship without being married, can even have kids too!

iamnotalemon · 27/12/2025 00:26

StopBothering · 27/12/2025 00:21

Ha!

See, this is already fun. I have always wanted cats but have been averse to the cat-parenting; I'll be the man in the relationship and accept no responsibility for their wellbeing! We should do this! (We'll be saving lives and houses at the same time!).

(Honestly, this whole thread is breadbin gold!)

Show quote history

Let’s write to the MP’s immediately and tell them that we have solved the housing crisis.

How dare single people live alone and like it.

Cat parenting is easy but if I’d known she would wake me up in the early hours for feeding, I would have passed 🤣