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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

256 replies

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 02:01

Been single for 9 years now. I love it. Left a DV relationship and find it hard to trust or build a bond with a man without them getting on my last fucking nerve. I'll be happy dying single. But my gosh the threads I've seen the past few days about people's partner's/husbands being lazy or miserable or ungrateful over this supposedly happy period reminds me how happy I am not having to deal with all that shit anymore

OP posts:
BackToBlack2025 · 27/12/2025 14:20

Sparklybutold · 27/12/2025 14:17

I’m not sure whether this is directed at me or both but perhaps my answer would provide clarity in my thinking. As I said in my initial post - there are indeed some women (and men) who are happy to be single, just because.

Apologies. For a minute, I thought you were trying to second guess someone's perfectly rational, honest explanation as to why they were happy being single...

1offnamechange · 27/12/2025 15:39

Pigeonpoodle · 27/12/2025 07:22

There are many awful men, but in my experience there are equally many awful women too.

The notion that women are just wonderful people and men are inferior scumbags is misandrist bullshit peddled mostly by women who are themselves awful… Most women who are kind, decent and reasonable don’t view the sexes in such a cartoonish “women good, men bad” way.

The main difference between awful men and awful women out there is the awful men are more likely to be violent towards women…. That’s the main concern I have.

and you don't think that "main concern" is enough on its own to explain why lots of women are so anti-men?

pp's referenced the 'men are scared women will laugh at them, women are scared men will murder them' saying above. If you took the "worst" 10% of women and the "worst" 10% of men, surely it's bad enough that on average the women might be bitchy, lazy, argumentative or whatever, whereas on average the men are hugely more likely to be rapists or murderers?

I agree that men aren't solely capable, in that boys aren't automatically born "worse" than girls. It's as much about the way many of them are taught/enabled growing up, which we as women (a collective sex class) also have some culpability for accepting/encouraging male laziness, entitlement etc. Whether it's extreme (MIL not letting her darling boy do a thing) or more minor (women on here insisting their DH is "brilliant" and "a completely equal partner") if they split chores and parenting 45/55 because she knows most of her friends do 5/95%.

Another element of culpability is that, on average men probably don't places as much importance on the extraneous/decorative/social "stuff" as women do, and if we are entirely honest with ourselves some of that stuff isn't essential. A world full of men without women enabling them probably wouldn't have constantly clean school uniform, nicely wrapped presents, thank you cards, multiple after school clubs, fresh flowers in the house, diffusers making the home smell nice, or Christmas decorations, but would still function. We (again mass generalisation) tend to like and appreciate the 'extra' stuff, for ourselves or for our kids, and of course often it is beneficial and worth it, but sometimes it isn't - and whether appreciated or not it is work and effort that isn't entirely necessary.

CosyBungalow · 27/12/2025 15:51

My last relationship was 8yrs ago, before that I was single for 14yrs. I've had 3 long term relationships, and can say that maybe I am the common denominator, and not cut out for being in a relationship.
Now I have accepted that, and am happy in my own company, my life has become calmer, and I enjoy living my life as a single woman.
I have friends who are happily married, others who are not so happy, and a couple of friends of a similar age - mid 50s - who are also happily single.
I know some great men, who are with great women, and it just works... I am not one of them, but I'm happy that they're happy.

SoftBalletShoes · 27/12/2025 19:59

MyLimeGuide · 27/12/2025 10:24

Love this, men can just be replaced with panic buttons!! ❤

I was referring to accidents in the home, not men.

NotReadyForChristmas2025 · 28/12/2025 10:54

Same

JadedVeryJaded · 31/12/2025 09:52

SoftBalletShoes · 26/12/2025 05:35

@Dontlletmedownbruce However there are many women who wouldn't have tolerated an abusive relationship for 5 minutes

Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child.

You clearly don't know that abuse starts very very small and gradually after lots of love-bombing and that many abusive men don't even start until you're totally trapped. That's why it often starts in pregnancy. And you clearly don't know that even then, it's mixed in with a lot of loveliness.

I'm single after a long marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way. It wouldn't matter how good the relationship is - I don't want to deal with someone else's family or snoring or bathroom smells etc. And I like my privacy.

By single, I mean being unmarried and living alone. I don't mean completely man-free. I like male company on occasion. And I like it even better when they go home.

Edited

I love your final paragraph. Perfect set up!

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