To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

[GlitzAndGigglesx]

Been single for 9 years now. I love it. Left a DV relationship and find it hard to trust or build a bond with a man without them getting on my last fucking nerve. I'll be happy dying single. But my gosh the threads I've seen the past few days about people's partner's/husbands being lazy or miserable or ungrateful over this supposedly happy period reminds me how happy I am not having to deal with all that shit anymore

I’m not bitter and unhinged. Ridiculous to accuse all the women on MN of thinking and behaving the same way. Obviously the women who post about their relationships are more likely to be in unhappy ones. Obviously the decent, kind, loving men are more likely to be in loving relationships so not available. I think it’s perfectly reasonable to think that any single men left are unlikely to fall into the decent, kind, loving category.

I have two sons and both met their girlfriends at a young age and have not looked for anyone else. They have never been interested in multiple, unsatisfactory relationships. They’ve either been single or happy with their partners. There are also a substantial minority of men who think they’re way better than women. They don’t see women as people. You just have to spend a short time reading the newspapers or online to see that.

I’m proud of women these days warning each other of the red flags and validating women for their choice to be alone. I still believe it’s better to be in a happy, fulfilling, respectful relationship than alone. However I think the chances of finding that at an older age are much reduced so I can completely understand women not wanting to go through all that again and warning each other of the risks. That’s not being misandrists that’s being pragmatic and responsible.

I always spend Christmas with my ex (so that the kids can have both of us on Xmas day) and he’s perfectly pleasant and nice to me, them and my parents.

But, I am so thankful that I’m single!!!!

To be honest I think the vast majority of relationships are not abusive and are generally happy. Not perfect sure - but I think if you’re judging relationships based on mums net threads, you’re getting a biased perspective.

On the other hand, hundreds of thousands of people have had a wonderful Xmas with their families, and are too busy enjoying life to care about telling mumsnet about it.

Me too. I don't dislike men in general but I'm more than happy being single. I really don't think I'm the marrying kind anyway.

I'm never lonely.

It depends what you mean by abuse. I know of very few relationships where there is real equality. I see women still doing the lion’s share of housework as though they are their partner’s slave. Every woman I know has experience a profound and irrevocable change to her lifestyle after marriage and kids while the men’s lives remain pretty much the same or are enhanced by having a family. No wonder women have to be brainwashed to believe they need a man to be fulfilled. A lot of young women are seeing right through the con and refusing to be brainwashed.

The thing is, not every woman takes issue with that set up. Some like not working and like being a housewife essentially. I’m not in that camp personally, but there’s definitely vast amounts of society who believe in gender roles and ultimately if the people in the relationship are both happy with that, its not my place to judge.

Good for anyone happy being single but I do think it's like comparing apples with oranges comparing single v bad relationship and single v good relationship. So many of the posters who celebrate being single then say they were in abusive relationships previously, so they were in fact the opposite to 'happy single' and are now going through a different phase of life. They have seen their own errors and want the world to know. However there are many women who wouldn't have tolerated an abusive relationship for 5 minutes so don't have experience of this, so to some extent those posters are preaching to the wrong crowd, they are criticising women for doing exactly the same as they did.

@Dontlletmedownbruce However there are many women who wouldn't have tolerated an abusive relationship for 5 minutes

Oh, you sweet, sweet summer child.

You clearly don't know that abuse starts very very small and gradually after lots of love-bombing and that many abusive men don't even start until you're totally trapped. That's why it often starts in pregnancy. And you clearly don't know that even then, it's mixed in with a lot of loveliness.

I'm single after a long marriage and I wouldn't have it any other way. It wouldn't matter how good the relationship is - I don't want to deal with someone else's family or snoring or bathroom smells etc. And I like my privacy.

By single, I mean being unmarried and living alone. I don't mean completely man-free. I like male company on occasion. And I like it even better when they go home.

Unfortunately, it NEEDS to be drummed into girls’ heads so they can recognise poor treatment and abusive relationships. I won’t go into details but my daughters have been in a serious of relationships with young men who have treated them terribly (some of it criminal offences), and a lot of it driven by what they’re seeing (or addicted to) on the internet.

It’s not bitterness - it’s about the reality of living as a woman these days and, for me, your comments show that you don’t actually know what’s going on, generally.

SOME people live in a little bubble of ‘niceness’ (or think they do) where the men in their lives are decent, but most of us probably don’t, as is evident from my own life, the experiences of my family and friends and the things I read here.

Except, as long as women stay at home in greater numbers than men, the workplace will not adjust to suit mothers. 9-5 and no onsite creche suits the days when men went to work and it was assumed that a wife was doing everything on the domestic front.

This is all a bit smug, regarding your "belief" that others are best off in relationships than alone and that all the good ones are taken young. As for your sons, you say they have girlfriends, not wives, so presumably they're still young. I hope their relationships work out, but please don't have an attack of the vapours if they don't. As for your remark about them never having been interested in multiple unsatisfying relationships - again, how smug! Do you really think that anyone wants that??

This will probably fall on deaf ears, but please do try to get your head round the fact that not everyone is the same and that there is a substantial minority of people who do not want the sheer hassle, work, and emotional rollercoaster that is life with marriage and children.

But then, most people DO need another human being as their comfort blankie and cannot understand us independent types. I never wanted children either, so I'm used to people not getting it!

Yanbu im not single, im in a great relationship and we've had a brilliant Christmas but it always amazes me what women will tolerate in a relationship just so they're not alone.

It’s absolutely a self selected group. I’ve clicked on this umpteenth ‘thank god I’m single’ thread because I’m single.
It’s no different to me clicking on cat threads because I’m into cats.
I do, I suppose, like the validation of my choice not to even attempt to take on another man after a long and disappointing marriage and I’m interested in the social change aspect of it.
Totally agree it’s overall a good thing that older women bring up their sons and daughters in a way that prepares them for navigating modern relationships and able to spot risks.
I’m not anti men at all. Men are fantastic at being men and I love many of them. Not bitter, not angry, not spouting misandrism at anyone who will listen. Just happy being peacefully single and come on here and post in solidarity when women are going through a hard time.
Someone needs to start an ‘I love my man’ thread soon though for a bit of balance!

I am not referring to that. That is a different thing: you could call that a division of labour. I am talking about those households where both partners work but then women come home and do all (or most of) the labour of the home and child rearing. The impact on many of those women’s mental health is huge.

This is one of the worst posts I have ever read. Its redeeming feature is that you seem never to have been in an abusive relationship and if that is the case I am genuinely happy for you as I would not wish that on an enemy. However, you are misguided if you think women end up in abusive relationships through “their own errors”. Abuse is entirely the responsibility of the perpetrator. If you ever do find yourself in such a relationship (and I hope you never do) the only advice I would give you is to be very careful when you attempt to leave and to get support as statistics show that it is when they try to leave that women are killed in such relationships.

But you can be in a relationship and not have a " resident" man
For me it's the best of both worlds

But I was replying to this post of yours:

Some like not working and like being a housewife essentially. I’m not in that camp personally, but there’s definitely vast amounts of society who believe in gender roles and ultimately if the people in the relationship are both happy with that, its not my place to judge.

ETA: Sorry, just realised that that is not you but another poster.

One hundred percent. I love romance and good sex, but I never want to live with another man again.

@MamsKnit I'm not having a go at women in abusive situations, at least I didn't intend it to read like that. I am however criticising women who say 'I hate all men, my ex was abusive' because they are projecting their own experiences and are entirely subjective. What particularly annoys me is the women who are so quick to judge others who are in relationships, often in a sneery tone but then admit they were in an abusive or toxic relationship themselves. Most people are in relationships because that's what they want, the attitude that they are there because they are not enlightened enough to see the negatives or too weak to leave is patronising and wrong. People should be respected for whatever life choices they make, single or not.

Most of the women on here have not said that they hate all men. In fact many have said that they like many of the men they knowBUT they don’t want to live with them because they are happier single. According to research they are right: single woman are apparently the happiest demographic followed by married men. Go figure.

Mumsnet is where people come to complain though , rarely to praise their DH.
my husband is incredible and an even better father.
a lot of women accept way below par but the red flags are there right at the start well before thy marry or have kids with that man.

People in happy relationships don't tend to post about it.

Yeah. I must be lucky with all the men/relatives I have known over the years.

All have been lovely men. 🤷‍♀️

I married a decent, kind, fun and respectful man and we celebrated our silver wedding this year. However, I would much rather be single than married to some of the men I read about here. I tell my kids who are young adults, that it is much better to be single than compromise and be unhappy. I want to hate them to be trapped with a selfish bastard.