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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so fucking thankful I'm single?

256 replies

GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 02:01

Been single for 9 years now. I love it. Left a DV relationship and find it hard to trust or build a bond with a man without them getting on my last fucking nerve. I'll be happy dying single. But my gosh the threads I've seen the past few days about people's partner's/husbands being lazy or miserable or ungrateful over this supposedly happy period reminds me how happy I am not having to deal with all that shit anymore

OP posts:
Jonnyenglish · 26/12/2025 19:03

MamsKnit · 26/12/2025 03:19

What do you do with the kettle? Is kettle a code word for something else? And where can I buy me such a magic kettle?

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in this case the kettle is kettle for a cuppa tea, although i do recommend a good tool box with tools from ann summers and bad dragon companies

Christmasfree · 26/12/2025 19:08

People tend to post looking for support and advice so its going to overwhelmingly be negative posts. Its a million percent better to be single than in a crappy relationship, and choosing to stay single is just a good a choice as choosing to be in a relationship despite the youre missing out and just bitter brigades insistence.

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 19:13

GalaxyJam · 26/12/2025 18:55

I’ve experienced both, and while I absolutely loved living alone and being single, I love being with my DH more.

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And that’s why we’re all different and not the bitter twisted old crones that some think.

I’ve experienced both - married 25 years to a man I’m still good friends with and I loved our time together but now I’ve experiences living alone, I couldn’t live either anyone again.

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 19:29

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 16:42

For those with a genuine unicorn, you are very, very lucky. There are not enough to go around for all of us.

what I find amusing is that assumption that we (women) are perfect and a gift from above.

I am not sure the majority of women are the catch they think they are either 😂Some of the posters on here who (allegedly) are women sound horrendous.

So many threads about an ex DH rushing to marry his new girlfriend and have a very happy relationship leaving a very bitter very jealous ex wife. Ever occurred to anyone that DH might have learnt lessons from his first mistakes , but also that the new relationship is happy simply because the new wife is not the ex-wife, and much more pleasant to live with?

If you are a genuine person and believe your own words, I honestly hope you are OK and haven't been brainwashed.

GalaxyJam · 26/12/2025 19:32

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 19:13

And that’s why we’re all different and not the bitter twisted old crones that some think.

I’ve experienced both - married 25 years to a man I’m still good friends with and I loved our time together but now I’ve experiences living alone, I couldn’t live either anyone again.

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Yes I completely understand that, there just seemed to be an idea emerging that people who say they’re happier living with their partners just haven’t had the chance to live alone and don’t know how good it is.
I lived with my ex for a few years. It had its ups and downs, it wasn’t hideous but equally there was obviously a reason we split (although we’re still friends 20 years later). LOVED living alone and being single for the next 5 years. Had the time of my life! I thought I’d never live with anyone again. Then met my DH. I’m not sure I’d live with anyone again if anything happened to him, but equally I couldn’t imagine not living with him.
As you say, we’re all different.

BeQuirkyMintScroller · 26/12/2025 19:55

MamsKnit · 26/12/2025 09:43

I wouldn’t mind having a very close friendship with a man but once you have tasted freedom as a woman there is no going back. When I first discovered what it was like to be truly single (not wanting a relationship) it was as though I had discovered this incredible hidden secret that people kept from us because I had never really heard anyone talk about the pleasures of the single life. It is so peaceful. I have never met a man who didn’t resent in some way being with a powerful successful woman - unless it was in his cocklodger interests. Even in this day and age there are subtle ways in which many woman make themselves smaller when they are around such men. I have always been ambitious and desirous of power but when I am with a man there is less space for that human need to find its expression.

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Did you mean to quote me?

I too understand the "freedom" and wonderful life that is "single" probably more than anyone: I and 38 and have never ever had a relationship. So what I dont know about being single isnt worth knowing!

But I am able to appreciate and acknowledge that very good healthy relationships exist.

TwistedWonder · 26/12/2025 19:58

GalaxyJam · 26/12/2025 19:32

Yes I completely understand that, there just seemed to be an idea emerging that people who say they’re happier living with their partners just haven’t had the chance to live alone and don’t know how good it is.
I lived with my ex for a few years. It had its ups and downs, it wasn’t hideous but equally there was obviously a reason we split (although we’re still friends 20 years later). LOVED living alone and being single for the next 5 years. Had the time of my life! I thought I’d never live with anyone again. Then met my DH. I’m not sure I’d live with anyone again if anything happened to him, but equally I couldn’t imagine not living with him.
As you say, we’re all different.

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I’m 60 and it’s first time since my very early 20’s ive lived alone so I think maybe after years of being a wife and mum, I'm embracing the peace and calm of my home life now being all about me.

Otterdrunk · 26/12/2025 20:22

I agree that it still seems the majority of men don’t seem to contribute to the domestic/emotional load anywhere near enough & it’s quite depressing. When will it ever change? Just bcos a child comes out of us doesn’t mean we should be sole caregivers / organisers / caterers /cleaners /burden bearers. Enough to put any young woman off IMO.

Midnights68 · 26/12/2025 20:33

UncannyFanny · 26/12/2025 02:30

I think it shows just how many women are single on MN. So many threads you open the bitterness, venom and hatred of men is palpable. One can only hope that endless narrative that all men are this and all men are that is not being drummed into children’s heads the way it flows so readily from the keyboards of their mothers. It’s actually quite sad. Cue the personal attacks for not spewing bile and having a negative opinion of men…

Ah, the ‘single women are bitter’ trope - an oldie but a goodie.

The funny thing is that virtually every statistic based on real world data supports what you see on Mumsnet - starting with the fact that unmarried childfree women, as a group, tend to be significantly happier and healthier than married women.

But yes, sure, it’s just nasty bitter single mothers on Mumsnet spinning a yarn…

Fangisnotacoward · 26/12/2025 20:52

Sighohbarn · 26/12/2025 03:11

I'm brand new to being single. I have been happily married for nearly 30 years - or so I thought. 6 weeks ago my husband left me for someone else. We weren't rowing or distant and cold. We were a happy family. I still have whiplash. But... I already know I won't ever look for someone new. It's been hard to reimagine life without the man I thought was my best friend, but he has been so cruel and hurtful that I would never take him back (not that he's asking!) and it's even harder to imagine some other bloke in my home. Ewww. Nope. No thank you. Me, my kids, and the cat. And then, in time, me and the cat. That's me done.

Ooh, thats tough, really tough. Im sorry.

When the dust settles i hope you'll find yourself much happier. Things will be on your terms. What you want for dinner, watch what you want on TV, go to bed when you want, peaceful nights sleep (no more snoring to put up with in my case!) Decorate the house how you want.

Something I realised a while ago when people asked me if I was looking to date after being single a while. And the honest answer is no, because Ive become to selfish and set in my ways. Why would I enter a relationship and inevitably have another set of clothes to wash and another person to pick up after? Why share my life with someone when I get to do what I want 100% of the time. I dont have to compromise and its become clear to me that i dont want to either. Suits me just bloody fine! 🙂

Newyearawaits · 26/12/2025 21:01

Splinting · 26/12/2025 06:58

It’s great to make choices that suit you. And yes marriage and kids can be hard work. Singledom is a valid and understandable choice! I’m not sure about calling women who are married as needing a ‘comfort blankie’ and lacking independence. It is possible to be extremely independent within a marriage. In the same way dependent people can be unhappy and single.

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This
Also important to acknowledge that there are some nice men out there. I have friends and family who are married to really nice men who love and care for them very much.
I've never had a man like that but important to remember that they do exist

Newyearawaits · 26/12/2025 21:10

DeftWasp · 26/12/2025 09:38

I'll give a male perspective - I'm a nice, decent chap in mid 40's. Two serious relationships, the first cheated on me and left (leaving me heartbroken), the second, for no reason decided to up and go.

Thankfully I hadn't married either of them, I now find myself in mid 40's, having worked hard, owning two properties outright and being very secure - frankly any serious relationship, especially with marriage involved would not be worth the risk.

It seems people just don't really have staying power any more - I'm not talking about abusive relationships, which of course need to end, but for example one on another current thread where the OP is wanting divorce after 20 years because her DH isn't much use around the house - the solution there of course is easy, hire a cleaner/housekeeper. The net result of that is both will be fiscally buggered in their mid 40's.

Its sad, but not worth the risk, so I have gracefully bowed out and am quite happy single.

Thanks
There are some women who are out for what they can get

tiredconfusedhungry · 26/12/2025 22:23

I separated from my STBEXH in April. I would have said I was completely happy up until I found out he was cheating.

I was so worried about Christmas, I still wanted it to be nice for our DC’s. He was here Christmas Eve/morning to spend time with the kids. But honestly, that few hours made me remember exactly what I’d been glossing over for years.

He got the right hump with some toy he was putting together. It was like a cloud came over the whole house, the kids went silent. Me from last year would have started flapping about trying to sort it. Usually the rest of the day I’d spend it pandering to his mood and making sure everything was as perfect as it could be for him 🙄

This year I didn’t bother. I put the toy to one side, put it together myself (quite easily). I carried on playing games with the DC, turned the music up a bit. Luckily he fucked off to his girlfriends soon after 😂

And in that moment, I didn’t miss him one bit. We had such a lovely day. I cannot imagine doing it any other way now. Life is just so easy now.

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 22:36

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 19:29

If you are a genuine person and believe your own words, I honestly hope you are OK and haven't been brainwashed.

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brainwashed? Why, because I couldn't live with many of MN posters who sound very very strange to say the least?

Of course I believe my own words, why, you think every woman is the perfect woman and the only failure are the men? Seriously?😂

I am surrounded with very decent men, I have male and female close friends and a very decent husband. I get people who prefer being single, but when someone tries to pretend "Menz" are the enemy, they are the ones who have been brainwashed.

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 22:43

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 22:36

brainwashed? Why, because I couldn't live with many of MN posters who sound very very strange to say the least?

Of course I believe my own words, why, you think every woman is the perfect woman and the only failure are the men? Seriously?😂

I am surrounded with very decent men, I have male and female close friends and a very decent husband. I get people who prefer being single, but when someone tries to pretend "Menz" are the enemy, they are the ones who have been brainwashed.

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If you are happy and find the rest of us strange, you do not have to engage. We are happy for you (((big hug)))

I wish you all the best!

SoftBalletShoes · 26/12/2025 22:55

Mantari · 26/12/2025 10:20

I am happily married, but if anything happened to my DH I would remain single. There are too many bad men out there. I think Germaine Greer was right, sadly.

What did GG say about the number of bad men?

I have never read her, and I should.

GeeWhisikers · 26/12/2025 22:57

In fairness, no one comes on here to post about their husband being decent, hardworking, present, etc. So it’s a skewed view of relationships. That said, there are lot of wastes of oxygen out there and the single life is definitely preferable to saddling yourself to one of those.

Original poster
GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 23:06

tiredconfusedhungry · 26/12/2025 22:23

I separated from my STBEXH in April. I would have said I was completely happy up until I found out he was cheating.

I was so worried about Christmas, I still wanted it to be nice for our DC’s. He was here Christmas Eve/morning to spend time with the kids. But honestly, that few hours made me remember exactly what I’d been glossing over for years.

He got the right hump with some toy he was putting together. It was like a cloud came over the whole house, the kids went silent. Me from last year would have started flapping about trying to sort it. Usually the rest of the day I’d spend it pandering to his mood and making sure everything was as perfect as it could be for him 🙄

This year I didn’t bother. I put the toy to one side, put it together myself (quite easily). I carried on playing games with the DC, turned the music up a bit. Luckily he fucked off to his girlfriends soon after 😂

And in that moment, I didn’t miss him one bit. We had such a lovely day. I cannot imagine doing it any other way now. Life is just so easy now.

Sorry to hear he's been another disrespectful cheating statistic. Your future will be brighter without him 🤞

OP posts:
Original poster
GlitzAndGigglesx · 26/12/2025 23:08

GeeWhisikers · 26/12/2025 22:57

In fairness, no one comes on here to post about their husband being decent, hardworking, present, etc. So it’s a skewed view of relationships. That said, there are lot of wastes of oxygen out there and the single life is definitely preferable to saddling yourself to one of those.

Precisely. I was SA'd by male relatives and had no one in my corner

OP posts:
Mantari · 26/12/2025 23:12

SoftBalletShoes · 26/12/2025 22:55

What did GG say about the number of bad men?

I have never read her, and I should.

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GG said “Women have very little idea of how much men hate them".

Personally I don't think that is true of all men. But I do think it is true of many men, sadly.

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:12

DeftWasp · 26/12/2025 09:38

I'll give a male perspective - I'm a nice, decent chap in mid 40's. Two serious relationships, the first cheated on me and left (leaving me heartbroken), the second, for no reason decided to up and go.

Thankfully I hadn't married either of them, I now find myself in mid 40's, having worked hard, owning two properties outright and being very secure - frankly any serious relationship, especially with marriage involved would not be worth the risk.

It seems people just don't really have staying power any more - I'm not talking about abusive relationships, which of course need to end, but for example one on another current thread where the OP is wanting divorce after 20 years because her DH isn't much use around the house - the solution there of course is easy, hire a cleaner/housekeeper. The net result of that is both will be fiscally buggered in their mid 40's.

Its sad, but not worth the risk, so I have gracefully bowed out and am quite happy single.

Cheating is always bad but I see no issue with the other one who left? It’s fine to end a relationship you are no longer happy with.

There is also nothing with leaving a relationship
if your spouse is useless around the house.
A “housekeeper” is not cheap and maybe somebody sees the person as making their life harder in bringing onboard extra domestic and emotional load they need to share. Yes it’s more expensive to live alone but the value of not being in a poor quality relationship is priceless.

Valuing “staying power” over the quality of compatible partnership is overrated.

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 23:16

StopBothering · 26/12/2025 22:43

If you are happy and find the rest of us strange, you do not have to engage. We are happy for you (((big hug)))

I wish you all the best!

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you are the one putting yourself in the "very strange" category, must be a reason for that, wishing you all the best too 😂

ThisCalmMauveWriter · 26/12/2025 23:17

Mantari · 26/12/2025 23:12

GG said “Women have very little idea of how much men hate them".

Personally I don't think that is true of all men. But I do think it is true of many men, sadly.

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I am sure it's true
but if people on this forum are genuine, it's also true that men have very little idea of how much women hate them.

It would be funny, if it wasn't worrying. I have sons, knowing they are instantly hated because they're men is a bit weird. I can only hope they meet a decent partner.

Caroparo52 · 26/12/2025 23:18

Never have to pacify a manchild again. Much happier with the dog for company.

JHound · 26/12/2025 23:19

AllPlayedOut · 26/12/2025 10:10

I’ve read that divorce thread and it’s so obviously not about just some housework. A cleaner would in no way be a solution. The problem is clearly much deeper than that and the housework is just a symptom not the actual problem. The problem is that she’s had to think for the 2 of them for two decades, that he doesn’t consider her needs, is happy to leave the labour to her, that they aren’t equal partners, that she’s effectively parenting him. The fact that you can’t see that and think that a cleaner is the solution, so that he has to do even less, is very telling.

Edited
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I suspected it was a little bit more than simply “get a cleaner”….