How do you talk to parents about their wills etc

[098yyiop]

On the back of my other thread about MIL and BIL, I realised that I probably should talk to my parents about their wills and any other stuff. They are mid-70s but have also laughed at the thought of having a will or doing anything about anything. How do you talk to elderly parents about this stuff? And what do you advise? My parents just have their house, no savings - assume house goes to the other person - nothing else is known about them. They both have h3art conditions etc.

there are rules what happens if someone e first out a will - known as the intestacy rules.

if the person is married it basically goes to the partner.

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

From what you say about them they have no reason to need wills - it's an entirely personal choice.

Yes, they don't have a will because they assume that it just transfers.

They don't really need a will if they don't want one. If they're married, they'll inherit from each other, and when they both die, it will pass to their children.

if they don’t want to leave a will then that’s up to them.

If they're married, they're right. They don't need one.

I had to do this talk with my parents when they were early 70s - didn't own a house but had about 60k in savings. I used the notion that if they didn't write wills, what they left might not go just to my brothers and me but could be potentially challenged for by my mother's stepbrother and/or our cousins.

They were down the local solicitor within a week. If you've got any such potential issues you can suggest to them, it's worth a try.

They might not need wills but they don't want to discuss anything about other arrangements like other wishes, maybe where their stuff is located .

I assume you’re hoping you get all the money! Otherwise why are you bothered about whether or not they have a Will?

They need to do wills now, because they can cover second death, executors etc.

Plus they need LPAs for both financial and health.

It is selfish not to do this life admin, as it can leave a big headache for relatives.

Not sure what you mean about where their stuff is located.

the other document elderly people are often advised to do is a power of attorney - these can be either financial of health - for when/if they are incapacitated.

Well one it's also about anything to do qith their affairs. They don't want to talk about it but if something goes wrong with one of them, the other won't be able to do any of it and we know nothing. We also don't know any of their wishes about anything.

They also do assume we will inherit....but don't want to do anything about it as it's bad luck and not how it was done.

No it doesn’t

the first £332k does then half the rest

if their house is joint tenancy then it stays outside the estate

You can't force them to do anything about it.

It doesn't sound like they need a will in their situation. Just leave it.

They don't want to even contemplate power of attorney but even like....any info on their stuff. Having jut had to think about this stuff with MIL - I have no idea about any of their bank accounts, national insurance or pension......but I know for sure we will need to sort it out.

I was left to sort out an estate of someone who had no will and yes, the legal route is clear but not having even a simple will made everything SO much more difficult for me at a time when it would’ve really helped for things to be easy. Out of love and respect for those I’ll leave behind I’ve made a will.

So frustrating

actually wills are about living now and they are about love

can you raise it with POA conversation which needs to be had

I don’t know why people are so frightened - it leaves a right mess otherwise - you’d have to apply to court etc everything slowed down and made more difficult at painful
time

They think discussing it is bad luck....the fact that unless they are lazareth - it will come no matter what esp. they are elderly is frustrating.

Honestly, it comes across as a bit grabby.

It's not actually the case that everything goes to a spouse if there are children (young or adult) involved. The children inherit as well. I don't think people realise this. So yes, it sounds like they need wills otherwise it may get complicated.

Maybe start with stuff that sounds more about their health and wellbeing than potentially landing (even though I'm sure you don't mean it to) as 'oi, who gets your stuff when you snuff it?'

Talking to them about people you know/heard about who haven't been able to advocate for loved ones when they've been incapacitated (power of attorney), whether there are 'absolute no' issues for them like organ donation, resuscitation, life support... At the end of the day if they're not ready to think/talk about it you can't force them to, but you can let them know that you're prepared to have those conversations whenever they're ready.

For my parents I think the thing that made the biggest difference was seeing what an absolute clusterfuck my grandparents relatively simple estate turned into with no wills in place.

It doesn’t come across as grabby OP

it comes across as sensible

start with “didn’t know dad or mum won’t automatically inherit”

Our parents announced that they had done wills and prepaid funerals in an email titled 'Funeral Plans'. My brother saw the email title and phoned me in a panic that one of them had a life-limiting illness.
I think this flurry of activity was due to one of their friends being bereaved and they, like some other posters, found themselves needing to do a lot of searching and stuff to find everything they needed to sort things with the surviving parent.

Even then spouse gets limited amount and half the rest

people thing it automatically jumps to spouse without any stages which is ignorant

it is a right pain without a will

You can do an asset search when the time comes but it’s about £400 each

it’s loving to leave a will so that you can have ease at a time of difficulty

you could ask them at least make a list and leave it somewhere

that’s mad with POA - I didnt have it for husband and couldn’t access his money to sort out care!!! It was a nightmare