How do you talk to parents about their wills etc

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On the back of my other thread about MIL and BIL, I realised that I probably should talk to my parents about their wills and any other stuff. They are mid-70s but have also laughed at the thought of having a will or doing anything about anything. How do you talk to elderly parents about this stuff? And what do you advise? My parents just have their house, no savings - assume house goes to the other person - nothing else is known about them. They both have h3art conditions etc.

Because being NOK to someone who died intestate is extremely distressing, challenging and time-consuming. Not to mention expensive, and can often result in family conflict. It is the height of selfishness to not have a will when you have a family-it takes next to no time and can be done very cheaply, and that simple piece of paper can save your loved ones months (or even years) of difficulties.

My DPs have everything in a briefcase - wills, POAs (it's only me, as DB died suddenly a few years ago), passwords for online banking, all their utility providers, details of their pre-paid burial plots etc. So grateful.

But the reason it wasn't a matter for you, was because they had written their wills. It would very much have been an issue if they hadn't!

I was appalled when my dad casually mentioned that neither of them had made wills. I used to do a lot of stuff for them and he said one day he wished there was something he could do for me. Quick as a flash I said there was - they could sort their wills out. I took them to the solicitors where not only were the wills done but the solicitor persuaded them to do POA at the same time.

Your problem is more a tenant issue though
Whether it was your parent trying to get them out or you it seems they were happy to leave you to take the matter to court and wait for the bailiffs. Hence that huge extra delay.

This is how I would tackle it. I’m aware that I’m incredibly lucky in that everyone in my family ALWAYS has a will, discusses it loudly and regularly, and enlivens quiet afternoons by choosing music for their funerals (I know we’re weird. If you had our family history, sprinkled as it is by virtuous and terminally single female relatives getting royally screwed over by brothers and fathers who’s promised to ‘look after’ them without legal provision, you’d be the same.)

Sit down with a grim face. Say you need to talk about something very important. Insert a story about someone who has had endless trouble due to lack of a will, PoA, funeral wishes. Make one up if you have to but there are plenty of real ones, ask around. You’re aware that they don’t like talking about this stuff but you are making your will right now and have booked in with a solicitor. Ask them if they love you at all to do the same. Keep going through the uncomfortableness.

This ^

a million times over

I agree about the selfishness

Yes but no will causes distress and delay on delay - OP would have been able to act much quicker if her parents had done Wills

goes without saying - she/they would have legally owned the house

They definitely should do a will, naming executors, beneficiaries (what about grandchildren?), what to do with the house, and charity donations they want to make. They should also list bank and savings accounts, investments etc.
They also need to do powers of attorney for finance and health.
If they don’t it’s a mountain of work for those left behind.

Yes agree
quicker
Theyd still have to wait for probate though ( 8-12weeks )
So they could have saved 6-7 months

We don’t know as there would have been many different delays

I hope the poster has enough now to talk to her parents

Martin Lewis regularly does programmes about wills. Try to get them to watch it. He explains why you should have one.

My family is similar 🤣. This Christmas we had an entertaining afternoon where my sister and I, along with our parents went round the house deciding who was going to get which ‘valuable’ family heirlooms after my parents are gone. It’s was fun and sparked a lot of memory sharing in the family, being told about Aunty Jeannie and her prized French renaissance clock (no one wants that monstrosity). My dad joked that he’d give us red and blue stickers next time e we visit so that we can divvy it all up 😂.

unsurprisingly we also know where their wills are, what’s in them (we both have copies), plus POA sorted long ago. They are now 80 and just starting to ask for help with financial/ legal things.

Yes and if they are anything like my parents - tell them flog it are making an appearance on same show!

100% Ricky.

As for the bad luck part - funnily enough rich people, aristocrats and royals don’t have that taboo, and seem pretty lucky to me. Since the earliest times of written history, if you marry a rich person you’d better believe that everything to do with what happens after their death is written down. The trouble now is that many people who identify as poor/working class/not a pot to piss in/solicitors aren’t for the likes of us actually have enough in assets or savings to need probate, and the legal procedures after quite ordinary deaths are made infinitely more complicated by not having wills.

You really shouldn’t be writing down your account passwords in that book. If it gets into the wrong hands (burglars maybe) your accounts could be cleaned out. Your DC could get into serious trouble if they use those details to access the accounts, it could be classed as fraud. They should be contacting the banks and informing them of your death then the banks will arrange to have the funds transferred to the executors as specified in the will.

Years ago, I was staying at my now long-deceased DGM's house. She had a lot of knickknacks, and when I picked one up, I noticed a name taped to the base. It was my cousin's. I picked up another one: a different cousin's name. Then I turned one over and saw my own name affixed to the bottom. Every single thing in her house had one of her granchildren's name stuck underneath it.

She died many years after that, and, sure enough, I was eventually given several items - with my name still taped to the bottom!

There’s probably more family conflicts when people do have a will….leaving close family out or leaving it all to a donkey sanctuary!
No will - then the law dictates who gets a share…expenses for this comes out of the estate before any share is paid out…so no one needs to complain about the expense unless they think they should get a bigger pay out.

It causes an inordinate amount of conflict

and distressing work - for a start different relatives may argue about who gets to administer it

It won’t matter who administers it….the law dictates who gets what if there is no will.

Writing down passwords in a physical book in your own home is about as low risk as it gets. Fraud is done by email or hack now. Professional burglaries that I hear about are usually a walk through a house with a known brand of car, grab car keys, out again.

it’s far from straight forward - the conflict can start when people apply to administer - of course it matters - different parties have to make their case - rife with conflict

and how does the spouse feel who has to move because they only get the first 332k and 50% of the rest in a house that is worth 600k - do you really think they wouldn’t mind moving another beneficiaries can inherit?

let alone resentment about who administers and all the stress involved

you are deluded if you think this is any more conflict free

you need a Will to limit conflict - pref with a solicitor to administer if you really want to avoid any arguments

A spouse automatically inherits the family home. No sensible solicitor would suggest deviating from this arrangement (although some people do).
It's also a good idea to include funeral arrangements and agree where ashes are to be spread.

My parents were both married before, my mother was widowed and brought one son and quite a lot of money into the marriage. My father was divorced, and had one son who stayed with his mother. They then married and had me. They were very tardy about making a will, until I pointed out to mum that if she died first (she was older than dad) then I and my dad's son could inherit everything (including the money she brought in) and cut her son out. She was horrified, and I assured her that no, we WOULDN'T do that, but we really wanted them both to put their wishes on paper so we were sure we were doing what they wanted. It worked.