How do you talk to parents about their wills etc

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On the back of my other thread about MIL and BIL, I realised that I probably should talk to my parents about their wills and any other stuff. They are mid-70s but have also laughed at the thought of having a will or doing anything about anything. How do you talk to elderly parents about this stuff? And what do you advise? My parents just have their house, no savings - assume house goes to the other person - nothing else is known about them. They both have h3art conditions etc.

My parents have proactively discussed it with us so we have a rough idea of what to expect; it involves a property in my mum's home country which can be complicated so she's let us know where to find an English speaking solicitor etc. They also had my siblings and me sign a Power of Attorney for both of them a few years ago should it be needed.

I agree with @Poms ….I mean, fucks sake, it’s Christmas Day and this is playing on their mind 🙄

At the very least they should have the house registered as tenants in common rather than joint tenants because if one has to go into a care home, the other half is protected but this also requires a will to be successful

No that’s joint tenants - then it will pass to other spouse automatically on death and doesn’t need probate just IHT

getting the state to pay for your care is whole other issue

the house is disregarded if the spouse is still in it when you go into care - unless your tenants in common maybe - that is not the one you want

It is very helpful to know where the title deeds are being held especially if the mortgage is paid off.

I was POA for an elderly relative who wasn’t married and no children. He had paid off his mortgage and collected the deeds from the bank but where they went after that we never found them, early on-set dementia at 67, so he couldn’t help. It was extremely difficult to sell his house with no title deeds.

PIL insisted they were ‘sorted’. With a stage 4 cancer diagnosis for FIL it came to light they had mirror wills, the POA was invalid, their house was held as joint tenants and they had a solicitor named as executor. There was also no documented passwords for any online banking etc etc of which MIL was clueless and nothing at all re funeral plans or preferences. They actually had a lot of misunderstanding about what would actually happen with their monies as things stood, as opposed to what they would like to happen, considering MIL was very likely facing a care home.
Considering they had over £1m in assets and had done no proper financial planning it was all a bit eye opening. Very naive in many respects and addressed literally only weeks before FIL passed.
The time thereafter spent every weekend over several months emptying, skipping and tipping sixty years of absolute clutter was another matter. Their head in sand approach left a very bad taste in many respects.

We haven't done wills because dh thinks it will just be shared between the kids. I did want to get a poa last year when dh was diagnosed with mild cognitive impairment after a stroke, he has improved but he has no idea about our finances and never has. But they cost more than we have spare atm.
I have got a notebook and written down everything i can remember.
Bank accounts with passwords.
Pensions with account numbers and phone numbers.
We're both having unattended cremations so all the details for that.
All direct debits. Dates. Amounts. Who to contact.
I have told dd and ds2 where it is. It's on the bookcase so not hidden.
I do have two drawers with paperwork and have tried to sort it into named folders so hopefully won't be difficult to sort.

I believe everyone should have an "I am dead" folder. My mum has one. The top sheet is rough balances for ISAs and pensions and the contents are all the account numbers and statements. Also has who their home insurance, broadband, car insurance and so on is with. I don't think it takes long to put together.

Well, I probably wouldnt do it on Christmas Day for a start…

It will go to them but only if you died together - it’s a common misconception that it’s all simple - it isn’t - they would have to apply to take over and it’s more complicated than it need be at a time of great sadness

you certainly couldn’t just hand it to kids if one of you are alive and no Will

In the same boat - the whole topic is off limits to discuss and I’ve no idea where all the paperwork is. Plus a house full of stuff that ll be a huge undertaking to sort out. It’s a slow in coming car crash but not much I can do.

The strangest things happen when money is on the table…especially among siblings

take the trust out of it and get Wills drawn up

I dont know why I came on here today but it is Christmas Day I don’t think we need to be thinking about our parents wills and money and their wishes.

On that note we need to just respect what they want and if they don’t want to discuss they don’t have to

@DemonsandMosquitoes what is wrong with mirror wills and having a solicitor as executor? I think this is what my DP have.

On the contrary Xmas stirs things and poster wanted to talk about it

it’s not up to you to censor what people talk about

and yes they can leave it but don’t expect others to clear up the mess

On this day or any day

Do try and bring this up. I have just had to deal with my parents passing and it was complicated enough with everything going from dead spouse to living spouse and then to me (their only child) on event of the second spouses death. That was with a will,

Yes I see it changed with an Act in 2014.

My family member died 2013.

So didn’t benefit . It was a nightmare at the time

Hoping that book with all your passwords is in a secure box at the bank

Talk to them about POA. Print off the forms and suggest you do it together.
I did my parents and I have a copy of their will. They suggested me and my husband do ours too which we did.

If you do POA yourself it doesn’t cost much. You don’t need to use a solicitor

Thank you. I'll look into it again.

You can print the forms off the gov website :)

Us too with MIL she is 90 and clearly into early dementia but will not see a doctor, will not entertain POA or discuss anything to do with money or get help around the house.

You don't, because it's up to them what they do. Power of Attorney may be more important, especially if they want you to have responsibility for their health and care.