How do you talk to parents about their wills etc

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On the back of my other thread about MIL and BIL, I realised that I probably should talk to my parents about their wills and any other stuff. They are mid-70s but have also laughed at the thought of having a will or doing anything about anything. How do you talk to elderly parents about this stuff? And what do you advise? My parents just have their house, no savings - assume house goes to the other person - nothing else is known about them. They both have h3art conditions etc.

It’s not a direct transfer
without a will

If one dies half of their entire estate ( money house everything ) goes to their spouse
Only one half!

The other half is split amongst their own children.

They need a will to pass everything onto the remaining spouse

That’s not correct

they get first £332 then half of the rest

No they won’t
The children also inherit on the death of one see above post

You are very badly informed

spouses get £332k then half of the rest

depends about the house whether joint or tenants in common

there are additional
legal steps that will take time and energy and leaving a Will makes it much easier

How is it grabby?

I am an only child of a single parent. I really pressed my DM to sort out her will as she was very reluctant. I told her it was entirely up to her if she left it to a charity, a neighbour, whatever but please put her wishes in writing before the wort happens. Dying intestate makes it unnecessarily complicated for loved ones and more rarely open to being contested.

Its the least you can do for your surviving family.

My uncle didn’t have a will
My aunt and cousins all inherited
I spoke to the solicitor on their behalf as they didn’t understand

She did not get it all
Thats not how it works if you die intestate

I assure you

There may be a ‘first ££’. They had a lot of money so I can’t be sure on that

This!

wills are aboutbconsideration and love

Ok
Just googled you are correct
That first £332,000 was introduced in 2023
so a recent change

Wonder why they did that ???

Hi OP
Its a really tricky conversation. We had a close family friend pass away and after hearing all the difficulties the family went through, I asked my dad to have a think about how me and my sister would deal with his affairs if anything were to happen. A few weeks later i asked if he had had any thoughts and he had paid for a funeral plan, made a will, put all important documents in one place and sorted into envelopes. He's then also written a letter to me and my sister detailing specific things he would like to happen eg sun flowers at his funeral.
He has then started to have a clear out of stuff from the loft and garden sheds he had been keeping.
I'm so greatful to him for taking some steps finally but I have found it all very difficult to talk about and had this not happened to our family friends I think he would have dug his heels and and refused to do anything.
I feel for you OP, it's a shame they don't want to take any steps and I have no helpful advice.

It was 325k before

its just an update with inflation

In my experience it's a very painful conversation that I always hate. Mum did a will after dad died. Talking about LPA terrified me to be honest. Mum was of the mindset ( as it commonly seems on MN LPA is to fleece your money and kill you). I only plucked up courage too late. Mum died a month after I started the process. Dh has the same with his parents. Painful, uncomfortable convo after both of them had brushes with death. In laws said step mums neice has LPA for them but only the kids are in the will which is weird. Asked to have contact details for the neice but it wasn't provided. However the reticence to talk openly about LPA with dh is a clear message that they do not want him to have LPA. Or talk to the attorney (sp?) So that's a clear message at least. I kind of worry there is no lpa but again, if so it's a clear message in itself.

People hate talking about death, illness and loss of capacity. I lean towards it's not up to us to nag as it's not for our own interests. But it's OK to gently ask. I wanted LPA to talk to my mums Dr's. She was suspicious before she got ill ( as posters here seem to agree) it was to grab her cash.

I have mulled over the LPA things for ages. But if the person doesn't want to talk the state will step in and that's a valid outcome and the persons own choice. It wouldn't be my choice but there's no wrong choice.

It was 270k prior @StandingSideBySide it raised due to inflation via a government review. It changed in 2020 from 250k

I tell people this a lot, so I'll repeat it here.
My ex husband was a hoarder (a tidy one, everything in labeled boxes) but he kept every bit of paperwork spanning 30+ years, plus lots of other things. When he died suddenly my DC had to sort out his house and estate, luckily he had a will. Unfortunately the children didn't know if the 4 million insurance quotation forms he'd filled out were followed through, or the pension/ bank accounts/ISA's etc were current or indeed, where they were.
My paperwork is relatively tidy but because I know where everything is it LOOKS tidy and easy to understand, but might not be so simple for others.
I've got a book that I've written everything in, bank accounts, email addresses, pass words, insurance policies, pension details, telephone numbers of companies, their addresses, my reference numbers, you name it it's there. NHS number, NI number, funeral choices, phone numbers of close friends and family, whatever I could think of. It took me ages but it's done, plus the same for my DH. The book is in a safe place, the kids know where it is, and I advise everyone to do the same.

I mean it's maddening to think that anyone has to look for this stuff. I genuinely wouldn't know where anything is

I quote “friends”* who’ve had a “hell of a hassle” when their parents have “unexpectedly gone”.

*some of those friends are made up personas informed from mumsnet posters experience. But hey, if it gets them to write a will, it helps.

I think there are two separate issues:
1: who you want to inherit your estate
2: the administration of the estate.
The second part is much easier with a will. Why make it any more difficult than it needs to be?

I disagree and find it selfish and it has everything to do with you if you are the one left to sort out the mess

if you don’t want sort out your affairs you are leaving your children a difficult and upsetting task

same goes for leaving your house stuffed with stuff that needs sorting out

the loving and considerate thing to do is to have your affairs in order

And you need to know where Will is stored too

when you have a will you make it as easy as possible for your loved ones to deal with your estate. You appoint executors and they can act straight away. It also means everything and everyone’s wishes are recorded.

usually husbands and wives make mirror wills - everything passes to the other and then to the same recipients after the second person dies

things can be changed in the future if you change your mind but the previous posters saying they don’t need wills aren’t correct

also what if they die together? What if one loses their capacity and outlives the other?

if you don’t make a will people have to step in to be administrators (like executors) but it’s not as straightforward (usually it would be the surviving spouse but it might be easier for everyone if the adult children are the executors)

can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t have a will. When someone dies it’s an awful time - this just makes it easier for the ones left behind.

also if lawyers are needed afterwards the cost of a will is probably no more than one hour of a solicitor’s time so much better to set things up properly in advance

One of my best friends died without a will this year, age 57. It was fairly straightforward but I do think everyone should have a will. We knew she wanted a direct cremation and her ashes scattered on the coast, as she took out a direct cremation funeral plan 2 months before her diagnosis. I do think it helps to speak to family about your wishes or leave a note. We knew she wanted her estranged DD to have half as I loaned her some money, so she signed her pension to me incase she died owing it (it was 12k) and within the loan agreement she asked me to take the money owing to me and share remainder between both her DD’s.

I agree. But at the same time, if your not going to sort out things like LPA, you might be in for a worse outcome when the end comes. Which is upsetting for everyone of course. I think ultimately my mums reticence to engage when she was fit and well made her death sooner than it needed to be. She was under the hospital, but didn't have a clue why and I couldn't talk to them. There was no way for me to talk to the Dr's or consultants. Very sad.

I don't know if my in laws have really set up the LPA either. I do wonder if they said that to shut the conversation down. But if it turns out they don't, dh will not be applying to the court for it. So will not choosing a home if that's ever needed.

A Will and POA are important,ok they cost money BUT what if they both died together in a car crash....or one dies and the other is in a coma,no one would be able to access their funds or advocate for them healthwise.
Do they have all their funds in joint names.excepting ISAs,if in sole names the other party would again not be able to obtain monies.
Would they be able to cover every day household expenses from their sole monies if they have any,if the other is incapacitated ?ie if your father has all the money and your mother has no bank account or income of her own she is unable to access monies without a POA
Its not a case of money grabbing,its just sensible to know about bank accounts.savings accounts,private pensions,after all it will be the children involved in the sorting out.
If they dont want to tell you ask them to write it down and file where they keep the "important" paperwork.

I don’t understand what your saying but no bother

still worth having a Will without LPA - you can act and administer and nothing is in question

Both mine died youngish, without a will and there was nothing really to inherit, so it didn't really matter. I've made a will, and my kids know exactly what's in it (house and savings), and I won't leave behind any debts. Mind you, I have no plan of shuffling off for quite a while yet 😉