How do you talk to parents about their wills etc

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On the back of my other thread about MIL and BIL, I realised that I probably should talk to my parents about their wills and any other stuff. They are mid-70s but have also laughed at the thought of having a will or doing anything about anything. How do you talk to elderly parents about this stuff? And what do you advise? My parents just have their house, no savings - assume house goes to the other person - nothing else is known about them. They both have h3art conditions etc.

Oh there are half siblings involved and at least one of my parents does assume the will be cut out if they are the last ones to pass away

No they don’t!!!!!! Get the family home automatically

they get the first 332k then 50 per cent of rest of the estate

I thought the spouse automatically gets the house and the other assets are split 50% after the first £350 or whatever it is

Nope - the house value forms the estate with all other assets - this is why you need to know and do a Will - people assume loads

the only way the house can stay out of the estate is owning it as joint tenants so it automatically passes to spouse or partner outside of estate and only forms part of the estate for IHT

I think they do own it as joint tenants so I guess it does just go from one to the other.

Nope. If the couple own the property as joint tenants, the remaining partner becomes sole owner outside of the will. If they own it as tenants in common, then half of the value belongs to the estate.

A surprising number of couples are not aware of how they own their property, especially if they purchased it several decades ago

It depends on how they own the house. If is owned as a joint tenancy then yes, but if it’s as tenants in common it’s owned in the percentages agreed. So it’s perfectly possible that some of the house value will be needed to pay out other beneficiaries- and while some / many children may be happy to not force a sale, it makes it very messy, eg later on if the surviving parent needs to sell up for care, or if repairs are needed on the house. And for example step children, particularly if it’s a later second marriage may be far less likely to want to wait,

That’s good - no problem there then

you can check without asking them by paying about £3 to look on land registry docs - well worth it

Omg half sibs!

defo try to get them to make will

Tell them about your friend/ colleague, Susan/ John, who has had a terrible job sorting out their parents' estate because they didn't leave a will. Invent relevant details as necessary, possibly using examples given by posters on this thread.

Most married couples own their houses as joint tenants. Tenants in common are usually for people who aren't married and aren't planning on staying together.
Whatever. Even people with modest estates often end up having to do probate.
Funeral arrangements are also important.
My will includes provision for my dog(s). What is going to happen to any pets after you die?
I have ordered champagne and a sit down meal after my funeral. Paid for by me.
I know someone who recently had one of those funerals where you are just carted away with no ceremony and never seen again. Although the family were not religious, they deeply regretted not having a formal goodbye.
Burial and spreading of ashes are also important. I have no idea where I want my ashes spread - somewhere peaceful and remote. I'm even considering a sort of woodland where I can have a tree planted. Not a burial, future generations won't want to maintain my grave.

It is well worth mumsnetters looking at making a will. Specifically, who would look after your children if you died?
Make it your 2026 new year's resolution. Look at your finances. Most importantly! Look at the difference between being married and just being shacked up together. It is a big difference. I know someone who lost her house because she wasn't married and her boyfriend died. Look at your finances in the case of a future divorce. I would say that over 90% of people do not expect to get divorced, when it happens, it is usually an unexpected shock. The financial realities are devastating.

The book is in a locked safe hidden in the house so I'm not worried about that. The children know, from dealing with their dad estate, how to contact banks etc to advise of a death but if I was incapacitated, rather than dead there's information that they might need. I've got POA sorted so that would kick in if incapacitated.
Another thought for those without POA, if someone loses capacity, a relative or friend can apply to the Courts for guardianship I think it's called, can't remember. However, it's very time consuming and very expensive, a friend had to do it for her mum who had dementia, took ages and cost thousands.

Have you made a will yourself? You should. If you haven't already then you could do it now and then use that as an excuse to talk to them about the benefits of doing a will, without it coming across in any way grabby or as if you are expecting them to die soon.

I've had to look up something on land registry for a friend, will issues surprisingly! It was £7.50 but that may be because it was commercial rather than residential.

What? Married couples own everything jointly. That’s what marriage is… why would they pay tax?

If the house is owned as joint tenants then the first deceased cannot will their portion to anyone else (as not part of their estate), it just becomes the property of the other joint tenant.

Whereas if owned as tenants in common the first to die can will their portion to someone else, eg children or cats home.

Sorry but using your Mum’s login details is still fraud. If you use them after the date of her death on her death certificate the bank will immediately know they have been misused as soon as they are informed of her death for probate. They would see it as a serious matter, possibly informing police. An attorney appointed under a POA is not permitted to use her login either. There is a proper procedure for activating a POA and using it to obtain access to her bank accounts. The bank have to issue separate login details to the attorney. You might get away with that one for a limited time before they are informed of the POA but not for long.

Honestly, it’s not worth the risk. I’m not for a second saying you have any bad motives, but the banks may not see it that way. I wouldn’t do it, I don’t fancy jail time! But of course it is entirely up to you.

@Curlygirl06sorry just seen it is your bank details that you are giving to your DC to use. Please don’t ask them to do that!

I think it would be quite unusual for an older married couple to have joint tennancy though.

How is it complicated if you are the only child of a single parent. Who is going to contest your claim as next of kin?

My mum had a will but the 2 executors had predeceased her. I was an only child and applied to be the administrator. It was straightforward. I think the process was the same if there was no will.

Pretty sure if the house is owned jointly and they have joint bank accounts there isn't going to be any issues when one of them dies unless they have a lot of other savings.

My parents are both healthy 80 year olds. Last year we encouraged them to sort out power of attorney's. They set it up so they are PofA for each other and then my brother and I are also named. If one parent dies and the other becomes ill, dementia, life limiting illness etc then how can you advocate for them? In many ways a PoA is more important than a will.

My parents have also made a will and have a declaration of wishes document too, stating where certain items are and who is to receive them.

I don't see encouraging someone to make a will at all grabby, it's a legal document that makes a very upsetting time more manageable.

I hope you can persuade them OP.

I did not need to persuade my parents. Not for good reasons, another family member died without one, and even though no-one disputed the contents of his estate, it took a long time and was a hassle.

Although my mum chose to tell me about her will when she set up power of attorney in her 70s, it would never have occurred to me to ask her about it - it was entirely up to her what she wanted to do with her money. My parents were divorced and my dad died about 30 years ago. He told me long before he died that he wasn’t going to make a will because my brother and I would be the only beneficiaries, and he trusted us to make sure that we shared the proceeds from the sale of his house with our mum. I never questioned his decision.

My parents didnt want to make a will as they owned their property as joint tenants and knew when one died it would go to the other. However, my brother was always dropping hints at my sister and I that when they both died, he would be getting the house as he doesnt own his own home and he was the oldest child. He said he was promised it!

We told our parents this and said if it was their wish then fine but if it wasnt, they should make a will setting out their clear wishes. They made a will shortly afterwards leaving it all to us in equal shares.

In your case, particularly where there are half siblings involved, then they need to know what way the estate will be divided on intestacy (die without a will) and make sure they are happy with this - otherwise they need a will.

Edited to add that nothing divides a family like money - its not being grabby but avoiding potentially devastating arguments.