Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

They’re your presents so do whatever you want with them.

If they are all new can you not put them in the Tesco food bank box?
Sure others would be happy to have them xx

I think you've got the wrong audience ' I know I've not got you a gift and I bet the majority of MN haven't either.

Do you mean unwrap as in actually see what they have got you or unwrap as in open currently unused items. If the latter the yes if you'd prefer you can take it to the charity shop in the new year but if you haven't even opened them to see what you've been given then it's pretty odd to be so cross about the gifts.

OP there are loads of places you can donate unwanted gifts. Schools for the tombola cupboard, the gift bins in supermarkets even. Shelters, salvation army. The worlds your lobster.

There's no point in putting so much energy into something like that.

If you have problematic people who want to show their love with gifts, then ask for consumables. That alcohol you fancy trying but won't buy, foods you won't buy for yourself, a years supply of socks....People sometimes do better with a clue or 2.

How very MN.

If people want to 'show their love with gifts' when it's been made clear that the recipient really doesn't want gifts to the point of them causing stress to her, then I would suggest that they aren't showing love and are in fact being performative or satisfying some need in themselves.

Put them on Vinted?

You're definitely being melodramatic to say it causes you stress.

Finding somewhere to donate isn't the issue but thank you.

I have given plenty of clues. Well, one clue, repeatedly, which is that I don't want gifts! Not stuff, not consumables, nothing. I can sort myself out.

To be honest I know it's weird. And it's just the tip of the weird iceberg when it comes to this kind of stuff. Not only do I not like gifts but I don't even like people doing me favours.

I can make my own cup of tea, for example, so have never understood why anyone has to ask me to make theirs or asks me whether I want one. I play along and always both offer and receive, but for the love of God why is it that people can't make their own fucking cups of tea?! If I want one I will make my own! You do you!

Clearly I am mad. I know.

Give them to a women‘s refuge. They will benefit!

It does though. If you think that's me being melodramatic then merry Christmas to you too. But I don't want this shit. I have no use for it, don't know where to put it, don't want it cluttering the house, don't want the guilt of getting rid of it, and don't want to participate in this ridiculous pointless gifting. Why can't we all just be lovely to one another without having to buy stuff nobody neeeeeeeeeeeeeeds??!!??!

People like you are annoying, just think of something you might vaguely like so people feel like they’ve given you an appreciated gift. Nice shortbread or jam, a bottle of wine, a plant, some hand cream, a new frying pan, a candle… there’s always something you could use even if it’s not a particularly exciting present.

People like giving, it’s seen as polite. Yes it’s a bit performative. Ask for donations to your local foodbank instead of saying you want nothing and ending up with pointless things.

You could get a bit more forthright and just hand them or post them back to people unopened. That would risk seriously damaging your relationships with the givers, but you could do it and your message would be more likely to stick. I wouldn’t do this personally but it’s an option.

You might have to be a bit more creative about your refusals. When people I know have decided they're never buying a present for someone again it's usually because the person has:

• Regifted whatever the recipient bought for them last year (as in wrapped it up again and given it back to the original giver)

• Bought something wildly inappropriate for their child/elderly maiden aunt

• Given them something they're allergic to (and when reminded, bought them a bigger box of it the next year)

• Started sending round robins in their Christmas cards

• Given everyone wonky religious statues with fire and brimstone bible verses printed on an accompanying card

Come to think of it, there might be a lot more people out there who feel like you and all of the above is entirely intentional... 🎅

Rest assured I find people like you equally annoying 😜

I don't want any of those things you listed. I just do not want them! Or anything else. If I wanted some jam, I would go to the shop and buy some jam.

I get that people like giving. But if the recipient actively dislikes receiving then it is not a nice thing to do, so they shouldn't do it. Surely it is more unreasonable to ignore my explicitly stated wishes than it is for me to state those wishes?

I have specifically told people that if they want to get me something they can donate somewhere. They ignore it and get me a fucking jumper or something. I do not want your jumper aaaaarrrrggghhh! Why did you buy it? Why? Why??? I told you not to!

I feel the same way as you about gifts.

Put them on Vinted and then drop your vinted name. I love all those cheap giftey things.

Surely you don’t know if you don’t want them til you open them though

We have a big gathering to open gifts. I would really love to just refuse to open mine, and put them all on a big bin bag right there. I said I didn't want them, so thanks but I actually meant it and they're going straight to the charity shop. That would fix the problem.

Admittedly it may create other problems...

I do because there is literally nothing I need or particularly want. Occasionally during the year I think 'Oh I'd like that thing'. And then I buy it because I am an independent grown up.

Yes I could have some better kitchen aids or new clothes or whatever. Swap my Argos hairdryer for a Dyson or whatever. But I don't want to and if I did I could do it myself. Leave me alone.

The stuff that people buy my kids 100% causes me stress. I am very time poor and I have very limited storage space. My kids don't need (or want!) the tat I have asked relatives not to buy. The planet doesn't need the landfill. I don't need the stress of storing and disposing of the tat. It's all for the pleasure of the giver. It's infuriating. My boot will be filled again by Boxing Day. Totally wasteful and obscene on every front.

It sounds like it's the ceremony ritual of group gift opening and having to feign gratitude and all that, the pressure of expectations.

Bloody hell OP 😂 It sounds like you have a number of people in your life who love you and want to give you a token of their love at Christmas. Why are you so alarmed and upset about getting a few presents?! Just donate them on Boxing Day and you won’t have to think of it again 🙄

Ah yes, but if they truly loved me they wouldn't ignore me every bloody year and continue to buy me shit.