Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

Stop Buying and you’ll soon stop receiving. They’re offering ideas, it’s not that they need your gift, you stop, they’ll stop.
Pick a charity next year, let them know you’ll be sponsoring on their behalf, if they wish to donate as a gift to you, that’s fine as material gifts will be dumped.

Certainly miserable, I’m surprised anyone buys you anything tbh.

I think I am being lovely to them, by moaning on here about them flagrantly ignoring my expressly given wishes, rather than doing it to their faces angrily on christmas morning.

Am I the only one wondering how you have a host of adult friends buying Christmas presents for you?

I don’t think I’ve ever received a Christmas present from a friend nor have I bought one. Their kids? Yes. But not the adults.

So to then add that you’ve repeatedly asked to not do presents but have them forced on your is doubly surprising to me!

I hear you OP, I really hear you. I also hate “stuff” and would rather receive nothing than something impersonal bought just because it’s Christmas and that’s what we do. I don’t see why their need to gift trumps my discomfort with receiving, but apparently it does.

over the years I’ve been able to get a good compromise that minimises the stress - most of my friends we’ve agreed we don’t do gifts, if they must then only for my child but equally ok if not. One friend simply can’t cope with this, but she is my dearest friend who is like family and I love exchanging gifts with her because we both put in thought and effort and it’s an act of love not a Christmas obligation.

My nuclear family are the difficult ones I have to grit my teeth for - I’m not close to them so they don’t know me well so it’s very hit and miss, if I say don’t get me anything I’m ruining things apparently….. so if they ask me what I want I make a modest suggestion and hope for the best (sometimes works out, sometimes not). My brother I nod smile say thanks grit my teeth and put the gift in the charity shop every time.

it took my years of frustration to find balance tho.

But when people receive shit gifts and feel someone hasn't made the effort they are told their feelings are totally valid and they should probably LTB because clearly they aren't listened to or respected. Until what the person wants is no gift then suddenly that's completely not a valid viewpoint and they shouldn't be listened to, they should actually be actively ignored and not get what they want because of the all-hallowed Tradition.

Weirdly loving the OP's post.
thank you

I have always hated getting presents, but since having children it's just exploded and like you OP I find it very stressful. We get tons of stuff we don't want or need, could I just donate to charity shop- well yes but that is another job for me to do and also I'm really short of money, it makes me so angry to be bought stuff that I then just give away. Or gifts with receipts but for shops that I have to travel to the city centre for (e.g. £33 white stuff toddler pjs!!) which is another job.

To be honest i had a massive meltdown yesterday and threw loads of presents in the bin. Obviously I now regret it and feel ashamed. But it wasn't really about the presents it was about the fact that people put themselves first (making themselves feel good buying me a present) rather than buying from the suggested present ideas I gave or give me nothing at all.

My daughter is terminally ill, profoundly disabled (abilities of a 12 month old) and blind. This year she has been given a marble run, a maths set, chocolate (she's tube fed) and shed loads of clothes she will never grow into (she is very small for her age due to her condition but they bought off her age not her size. You'd think they were blind not her).

Sorry for that rant. I just hate Xmas.

Do you buy gifts for others? If so they’re just reciprocating. If not just explain to them individually that you don’t include yourself in the gift exchange and ask them to spend their cash on themselves instead

When you say they give you wish lists, do you ask if there's anything they want for Xmas, or do they just send you lists out of the blue?

I buy gifts for others because they ask for things. Therefore my gift is something they want. If I got them something else it would be a waste of my money and their time and space.

The thing I want is nothing. I would love it if they got me that. If they get me something else it's a waste of their money and my time and space.

I agree so much. I really hate getting presents. I have very specific tastes, plenty of money, am pretty minimalist. People give me stuff, i don't like it, what am I supposed to do with it? I'm not a monster, I pretend to like it. I stick it somewhere in the house until a reasonable time elapses and I can get rid. The only things I want are consumables. Chocolates, wine, nice bread, cheese, olive oil, etc.

This. It's so simple to me I don't know why people can't comprehend it.

If other people want to receive gifts I buy them to be nice. If they don't want to receive they should say so and I would respect that too. Just asking for the same courtesy.

DH feels like this. He genuinely does not want gifts. People find it very difficult to accept - it took me a long time (and I don't feel the same). I do understand it now and there are exceptions (if the kids make something / buy a small token).

Is this more about feeling not listened to and respected? Tbf to OP they’re not banning other people from exchanging gifts , so really they could accept OP’s views .

Oh lovely I am so sorry for you and your stressful times. I’m not surprised at all that you must just want to set fire to the whole useless pile of crap.

you know what, the in laws that I was talking about- they get hysterical over shite from tk maxx but after an extremely stressful year they don’t even ask me how I really am.

I can totally relate to people just being so useless and lightweight when with a pinch more thought they could be helpful and supportive x

I'm so sorry, I posted before reading this. Your examples of presents are shocking, and show a complete lack of any thought or empathy. So sorry for the situation you are in.

Yes. Nothing to do with bayliss and harding

That's what I was thinking. I don't know anyone like this either. Op post this on your SM feed.

I don’t think that most people want to receive presents, I think they want to exchange presents. I would not enjoy being gifted something from someone I hadn’t bought for even if that person said they didn’t want a present.

I have no SM feed because SM is literally the devil's work (as in it was invented by people who I genuinely think are Satan's earthly emissaries - people like Zuck and Musk).

Not necessarily. I am Audhd and the act of receiving gifts, having to react appropriately and reciprocate are a nightmare. I love to give gifts but I hate to receive them. I would love to give gifts but hide away for Christmas and to just be able to content myself with buying what I want.

Oh wow. How terrible to get so many gifts. How sad.
And do you actually go and help yourself to tea at people’s houses? How rude.

Op could you say to everyone next year I would like you all to donate to x charity. Here is the link.
Would that work?
I think that’s much better than buying stuff.
It’s all very well saying give it to x, but really a lot of it will just go in landfill.

Yes exactly - if they know you are going to buy them a gift they will want to reciprocate that won’t they - obvious really. Very awkward to receive something from somebody you didn’t buy for. Op should stop buying presents for other people