Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

I have tried to reduce the number of gifts given and received. I say "this year, could we give each other the gift of not giving a gift?" which has mainly worked fairly well. But some people have bought presents anyway, which I just shrug and move on from.

We also do the thing where we stop buying stuff in October so there are some nice gifts to give and receive without filling the house up with crap. It does actually work quite well - I might decide I fancy a new pair of mittens or whatever in November but unless I only own a single pair of gloves and those have broken, I can manage perfectly well without them until Christmas time.

I do think letting this stuff wash over you as far as possible, and suggesting the "least bad" items for you, recognising that you're going to get gifts any way, is probably the way to be least frustrated about life.

So yes, you're right, you absolutely can buy yourself jam. But if someone bought you some really nice jam, you can just put it in the cupboard til you next need some jam and then get it out. It's not the same as someone buying you a massive vase you didn't need etc which then becomes a permanent feature.

A lovely friend generously gave me a big bag of gifts for my birthday this year. None of which were to my taste and none of which I would ever use. They all went straight to the charity shop. I felt a pang of guilt but honestly, I didn't want the clutter.

People do seem to have an issue with me not wanting 'stuff'. 20 years ago I would have been happy to get gifts. Now, I've no interest.

'the thought' being 'Shebsaudbshe didn't want a gift. But I'm going to ignore her'.

I think a lot of people want to get you what they want to buy you, not what you have requested.

for example, my in laws are guaranteed to find a cheaper version (say, Aldi dupe l’ovctaine if I ask for the real thing) because they just think the real thing to be a waste of money

A lot of my family like to buy things in sales, so they don’t really care what it is, just that it’s cheap and looks like it cost more than it did.

Completely agree, OP. I’ve felt like this for years. I always end up with a Soap & Glory set from Boots, and I actually hate Soap & Glory 🙈 - gives me a rash.

The thing is, I’m also completely overwhelmed with stuff already. I don’t need anything else added to it. And yes, I do get that we maybe sound ungrateful saying this — but honestly, what’s the point?

For me, the issue is that a gift is meant to be for the person receiving it, not the person giving it. When you repeatedly get things you don’t like or won’t use, it just feels frustrating rather than kind.

At that point it starts to feel more about the giver ticking a box than about doing something thoughtful.

I’m lucky that my side of the family have never been much in to gift giving… even of birthdays. It works well all round.

My dh’s on the other hand 😩… I gave a £30 voucher for nephew, which i thought was
pretty reasonable for a child i haven’t seen in 2yrs and have no relationship with. But my dc received £50 in cash each!! I felt so irrationally embarrassed

Exactly this about box ticking.

People often ignore it because they want to regift. I have received gifts with personalised names for other people so I know they were regifts.

This reminds me of that sexual consent video about tea!

I quite like some of that stuff but it makes no difference. What I hate is the act of receiving presents at all. Doesn't matter what it is, I just hate being bought anything.

I don’t understand why they haven’t listened to you. I would never spend money on someone who dislikes gifts so much.
Jusr go NC without everyone and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.

You have an extremely warped view on this. Take the lot to a charity shop and be quiet about it. Theres alot of people crying as well that they won’t get a single thing. So give yourself a shake and realise how incredibly privileged you are to have this huge ‘problem’

The one about rape? Strange thing to link rape with a box of Bayliss & Harding.

But then again, somebody else is linking ageing ovaries with terrorism, so maybe it's not too far a leap for some.

We get more gifts than we need or would use, but I think it's a waste to take them straight to the charity shop. I sell on Vinted so I get a decent pile of cash (I'm building up a nice investment nest egg, and I can never have enough). Giving it to a charity shop would feel like just giving money away. I hang on to toiletries, I just use them up even if it takes a few years. I'll always need shower gel after all.

That's ridiculous and as an adult you should be able to understand when people express a clear preference that they mean it and respect it the way they respect you.

I buy DH birthday presents because he likes them. Like most people. He completely ignores my birthday and doesn't even mention it because he knows that's what I want. Both of us being kind and understanding grown-ups and meeting the wishes of the other person.

Insisting gift giving has to be reciprocal just because of tradition is really silly and frankly rude.

She’s referring to the making a cup of tea comment 😭

No, the making tea when you don’t want tea… do you know which video I’m talking about?

There is always one person that likes to suggest someone is ND because their behaviour doesn't align with the norm
It's boring as shit

Have your Christmas however you want. It's your life.

Stop attending the gift exchange and let people know in advance that you won't be attending.

I get what you're saying but one person not receiving gifts changes the vibe of the present exchanging event. It's the same level of annoying for the participants who actually want to give and receive presents as that one person who tags along to a club and refuses to dance, or the person who comes to a restaurant and refuses to eat anything but a starter and a glass of water. Sure, maybe that is all they want to do but it also changes the vibe for everyone else participating - suddenly people feel a bit more awkward dancing or awkward ordering an extra wine etc.

It's not as if it's unexpected or particularly cumbersome - smile, accept the gift, unwrap it, thank them, then donate it discretely if you must. But getting enraged over getting a gift at christmas is ridiculous since that's a large part of what a UK christmas is about

Yes, the tea one that explains what rape is.

You're ND aren't you.

Questioning why someone can't see beyond their own nose and rise above their ideas of tradition to actually do something to meet someone else's wishes doesn't make them ND.

But you’re not being lovely about the people who give you gifts or do you favours, are you?

You've got the right to make yourself feel better by refusing the gifts or giving them away. They've got the right to make themselves feel better by giving you a gift or doing you a favour. (though judging by your posts I can’t imagine why they’d want to).

Apparently I am autistic, with low self esteem, ungrateful, no fun at parties and an awful person.

And here's me just thinking I don't like people buying me presents when I've told them not to.