Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

Christ what happened to you that you can’t accept someone’s kindness? If you come to my house I’ll make you a tea because you’re my guest, it’s polite!

I do wonder what the sweet baby Jesus ever did with his gold, frankincense and myrrh.

I don't think you're bring unreasonable. I hate all the waste, too. Personally I don't mind giving and receiving small thoughtful tokens but more because I love a beautifully wrapped gift, and seeing someone's face light up when the gift is welcome. I just wish it would stop there and not get out of hand.

Tea -.don't get me started.

No. The problem is people ignoring my wishes. I buy presents because people ask for things. If I stopped buying presents, that would be me ignoring their wishes, which is rude.

Would you say you are arrogant and know better ? Or would you say emotionally illiterate because you dont understand gift giving?

I meant tea in an office environment. But if you asked whether I wanted a cup of tea, and I said no thanks, and you still got me one, that is the equivalent of the present thing here. And that is weird in my book.

This isn't true in my case anyway. I stopped giving, asked not to be bought anything, and people STILL do it.

I hear you. For the past 5 years, I've asked for no presents but for those who want to get me something that they donate the equivalent to the local food bank. I have everything I need.

1 friend insists I have to have something to open, I finally convinced her I don't as she bought me a pair of PJ's on 2 separate years which I had to return both times as in first case they were 5 sizes too small and the second time they were 4 sizes too big. 🤦

Why would they assume that though? It is just so odd to me. I don't want presents. It's not be just being nice. I really don't want them!

It's not about being sociable at all. Or bonding. My mother is a prime example and I was created in her womb. Can't get much more bonded than that. Adding a set of IKEA mugs to our relationship doesn't bond us further.

I bet you're fun at parties......🤣

Just tell people not to buy you anything ever again. People aren't mindreaders!

I have done that annually since about 2019. Apparently not only are people not mind readers, but they are also deaf and no longer linguistically cogniscent.

In my family it's completely normal to do wish lists.
I find families that don't do that rather baffling. It's odd that children are taught to write letters to Santa or go to a grotto and tell Santa what they want for Christmas but then adults apparently shouldn't dare give a list of gifts they actually would like to receive.

Omg you sound like such hard work. Do you not like any kind of non-fresh food, any kind of alcohol, any kind of toiletries, any candles, any hobbies that require any kind of equipment or consumables, do you read at all? Bake? Listen to music? Use socks FFS? Genuinely just ask for something you use and then accept it gracefully, even if you bought one in November, just use the new one in January.

It’s interesting you say you’re not autistic and then you reply basically indicating you don’t understand the basics of human social rituals. The poster whose comment you replied to was exactly right - you are choosing to partake in some of these rituals (buying them gifts, turning up to the gift exchange, for example) yet seem oblivious that this continued participation is exactly why people are reciprocating. Many people protest receiving gifts when they don’t mean it (I’m not saying that’s the case with you) so therefore the strength of the social bonding ritual is more than the small chance the person protesting doesn’t want to participate - especially when they are clearly participating in other elements.

If you hadn’t protested the ‘favours’ with your tea example, this would be less clear, but you have an issue with standard human rites and rituals. If you truly don’t want to participate, stop giving mixed signals.

Just give them a wish list.
At least then you will get stuff you need.

I think you’re being an arse frankly. It’s the thought that counts and that means if you think the gift is shit (because it is shit) or because you find it useless.

Take the gift gratefully, think someone cares, then pass it on to someone who needs it or whatever. But fgs cheer up and count your blessings

They clearly want to still give you a token so ask them to donate to a charity on your behalf and gift you the receipt the charity gives. This is the occasion where people could do this rather than randomly doing so where the recipient hadn't asked.

I tried the wishlist.

It was ignored.

I understand where you're coming from and why you find it stressful but at the same time, the fact you also mentioned the tea thing - sometimes people really are just coming from a good place and yes in a society sometimes you just have to accept that other people have wishes too.

I'm the same too. I really do not want gifts from friends. I've made it very clear not to buy me anything or if they insist then just put cash in a charity collection tin. But no I'm given books I won't read/read previously, dust collecting candles in a scent I hate, toiletries that are not cruelty free or food I won't eat.

I’m with you OP. I bloody hate gift swapping between anyone that’s not my dh and dc

See I don't understand that either.
As long as a general budget is agreed so you don't put things on the list that are £££ why do people ignore it?
I'd love to know how their brain is thinking.

I could have written your first post OP (you lost me with the cups of tea though!) and oh my God it annoys me so much that people don't listen and buy me pointless shit that I don't want, need, and haven't asked for. The stress is absolutely real. One year I bought nothing for anyone and the humiliation of still being handed presents to open in front of everyone (which I also find stressful) was so bad that now I just buy them anyway, despite it being a grotesque waste.

I agree. I say “please don’t buy me anything, and know that if you do, I’ll take it to the charity shop”. And then they buy me presents, I say thanks, just once, and then I take them to the charity shop, or I sell them on Vinted.

It really isn't a mixed signal to want to give/receive according to stated preference.

I give because people want to receive. If they didn't, I wouldn't.