Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

Because it’s Christmas and that’s what we traditionally do in this country. Do you struggle socially, particularly with understanding customs if they don’t make sense/appeal to you? Your responses are very similar to those of a relative who is autistic.

If the people in your life are so insistent on buying you gifts despite you saying they don’t want them, count yourself lucky to be cared for. Be polite and gracious in accepting their gifts, and next year send a list of a few things you would actually like.

From October onwards don’t buy yourself anything new, keep a list of things you need from then on, even mundane things like new tea towels, shower gel, any clothing that needs replacing etc and give the list out to your family.

That way everyone is happy, they get to buy for you and you get something you want/need and even save yourself some money in the process.

Out of interest, do you buy other people gifts?

I also am in the position to get myself what I want or need but I take joy in knowing that those I love have thought of me @Bestreachedit won’t last forever they’ll be gone someday ! You could have nice surprises. I think you are being a bit Bah Humbug!

The thing is if everyone is opening gifts its awkward to have you there with nothing. It makes others uncomfortable and maybe you acted so well and seemed happy afterall with the gift you said you didn't want so they carried on. I think just let them express their love and then you do a good dead and thank them for helping you give to charity. You could ask for gifts to charity as an idea for next xmas.

I have a family member like you OP. It is really tricky when presents are being exchanged for them to literally sit there with nothing. And yet it seems to enrage them to receive even the smallest gift 😆 Is there not a chocolate you like? Even a dairy milk? Just something that someone could wrap so you can be included?

If they aren't going to stop giving you gifts them next year just have a clear wish list of things you actually would want.
Yes you could go and buy it yourself but if someone wants to buy you something at least it will be something you actually will want/use.

This 100000%. Buying tat for nieces and nephews and friends' kids, and receivingnthe same back. Not a single one of the kids would notice if those presents didn't arrive because they already have about seven hundred others. And yet we all do. I would so love just to go 'You know what guys? Can we just not?' and yet I know that whilst some of my friends would bite my arm off for that, most probably quite like it and so it just carries on.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we left the EU. Giving fucking idiots voting rights.

So do it then? 🤷‍♀️

Exclude me! Please exclude me! I would love that! And so presumably does your relative.

If I wanted a Dairy Milk I would go and get one!

People are trying to show you they care about you by buying you a gift - they probably don’t believe you mean it when you say you don’t want anything.

You can do what you like with the gifts - it’ll take you no time at all to take them to a charity shop on the 26th - but getting so wound up about people giving a fuck seems a little entitled and dramatic.

I get a load of shite I don’t need at Christmas too - I give away what I don’t want, it’s no biggie.

What a horrid rude comment. You're right, they really should give you nothing.

I think your attitude is quite sad and shows a lack of emotional intelligence, not that you will care about my opinion. Sometimes it’s a nice thing to accept the actions of another person with kindness and grace even though we may not directly benefit or agree with those actions.

Sweet baby Jesus I'm not bloody autistic. I just don't like pointless presents.

There is literally no more annoying reason to do anything at all than 'traditionally we have always done this...'

No, I'm not going to stop buying stuff for me from October. That is utterly absurd. If I need shower gel on November 8th I am going to buy bloody shower gel.

Yes I buy other people gifts. That they have asked for. And if they said 'Don't buy me anything' I would buy them nothing.

Totally agree with you OP !! Such nonsense and so annoying . We’re away skiing this Christmas and it’s bliss . Told everyone we were heading off and not to buy for us and we wouldn’t buy for them .

Why the need to swap unwanted stuff on a certain day I do now know !!! Like you if I need something I get it myself .

Yep. It is nice to accept the actions of another person with kindness and grace. You are right. Which is why I would love to say that out loud tomorrow to the people who have been neither kind nor graceful by completely ignoring my wishes.

If it’s a whole group couldn’t you suggest a Secret Santa ? you then only buy and get one gift. You can also post a wish list and yours could be “ a donation to x charity”.

I agree with you: why can’t we just be lovely to each other without having to Buy Stuff.

It’s a faff to take things to the charity shop, but they will be grateful for nice things, and the people who bought you presents will be feeling good about doing it. But I guess if you’ve told them that you don’t want presents then I can see how it would be frustrating if they really don’t seem to be listening to what you’ve said.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas in any case.

Wow, you’re a Grinch with a capital G.

You really do come across like a right miserable git! Why not show your relatives this thread and let them see the vitriol their present giving brings out in you?

What a moaner!

I agree - so surround yourself with people who understand you better.

Oh OP, I am exactly the same. Except I did lose my shit the year the secret Santa organiser got me ‘something to open’ when the others were doing theirs. Didn’t happen again. And yes they are all still beloved friends and family.

And for what it’s worth, I love Christmas, love seeing what other people have been given. Just hate getting things myself!

Presents cause me massive stress. I can't stand them. They are pressure I just don't need. I hate receiving and have successfully got everybody in my life to accept this.

I don't think it's an exaggeration at all and I'm sorry you are in this position OP.

100% agree.

Everyone claims you should be able to get what you want for your birthday and have your special day your way. Unless what you want is to ignore it when suddenly you are declared as selfish. It's weird and the selfish behaviour is the insistence on foisting stuff on people who actively don't want stuff.

I think this is got to be one of the weirdest threads I’ve ever read, even by Mumsnet standards 😳😳

Choosing to attend "a big gathering to open gifts" is exacerbating this though.

Why not ask them to donate to a charity or cause that matters to you, as your present? If you don't have a favourite charity or cause, look up one that you'd be happy for someone to donate to and tell them about it.

The problem you're facing is a lot of people equate gift giving with caring about someone. Them not getting you anything is personally uncomfortable for them. I think your best bet is to give them some options instead of a physical gift (such as a charity donation) rather than to insist they ignore you completely, which is more emotionally difficult for a lot of people to do.

OK cardinal sin but I haven't read the full thread. I've said in similar circumstances I don't want gifts but please donate to whatever charity/charities you provide a list of. I find most people will do this and some still throw in a bottle of wine/box of chocs which is ok.