Just to take lots of presents straight in the charity shop

[Bestreached]

I know I'm being ungrateful, but FFS please can everyone stop buying me shit I don't need! I have been so clear to everyone for years now that I don't want any presents. The acquisition of pointless stuff stresses me out. I have everything I want and need. I do not need more things, and if I ever do I can get them myself and don't need you to give me them on an arbitrary day!

I could not have been clearer with people. Much as I love you for thinking of me and putting the effort / expenditure in, please please please do not do it because I don't want you to. This isn't false modesty or whatever. I don't mind getting you stuff if you want. If you really do want to get the joy of giving, give to a charity on my behalf. I just do not want more things!! Argh!!!!

So AIBU to not even bother opening the many presents that my apparently deaf friends and relatives have got me and just take them straight to the charity shop? And if anyone thinks I'm being ungrateful and should think of all those people who want presents but don't get any, I would gladly give all of mine to them. Pick them up from the front garden in the morning.

I get the frustration.

I have been a minimalist for years and everyone knows it. They still buy me stuff I do not want. I have made peace with it now. I put virtually everything on eBay then buy what I actually want or put the money towards bills.

I have a fairly large family (on both sides) and some friends, and will receive absolutely zero gifts this Christmas. Or on my birthday come to that. Although I have always made a particular point of being very clear I don't want any, the other adults have gradually stopped bothering too. There's a mountain of presents for each child though, far more than they need or can cope with. That's a problem for another day.

Op I will say I really, really understand where you are coming from (with less venom?!)

however, I think everything you’re saying (and strong relate to the other poster who spoke of her stress from dealing with children’s gifts) is a strong indication of how on the brink middle aged women are in society.

I genuinely think whilst men have a mental health crisis we are on the brink of organised terrorism at this point. We are so angry and wild with it. I kind of love it tbh.

but we are still so practical and passive! What shall I do with it? Shall I take it to a charity shop?! Am I BU to be so angry and upset that they don’t listen to me?!

you know it’s not about this Op. you know you’d like to overturn the Xmas dinner table and stomp out. Solidarity sister, half of woman kind relates at times.

I am seen.

Your attitude about this is very weird.

But if these are your wishes, then they should really get the message, by now. Be really firm, early on, next year, that you would like a donation made to charity instead of buying you something. Tell them it's causing you stress every year. Hopefully, they'll go with your wishes, then.

@Bestreached YABU.

You can't just say to people "I don't want anything because I have everything I need" because people love giving gifts.

Now if you had said "for Christmas this year, I would like people to make a donation to X charity instead of buying me anything" then you probably would have had lots of cards with evidence of a charitable donation. And the charity would then be happy too.

Wonder if it’s a self esteem thing? You think you’re not worthy?
But if you don’t want stuff just donate it , bit of a pain I know.

Nope. I've made it very clear. People just buy stuff like automatons because tradition.

My self esteem is probably too high if anything.

I agree OP, it's bonkers. And all the posters suggestions hilarious - just stop buying the stuff! For all of the very valid reasons given by the OP!

I could've written this. I really wish people wouldn't bother. I have told them all so many times. I live in a small house with children and pets and just don't have space for anything else. I'm 1st+ overweight and don't need chocolate, I barely drink alcohol. I'm not struggling financially. I don't buy for anyone except my children so it's not like they're reciprocating either.

Plus I absolutely hate the waste, most of it all will go to landfill. Just seems so pointless, I buy a box of chocolates for you, you buy a pair of socks for me. And on and on.

I end up regifting or taking to charity shop.

Surely you stop going to the gift exchange gathering if you don't want gifts...?

I started the 'wishlist' a few years ago now with my family (both sides mine and DH). We effectively agree a budget and all list things we want on the list, it becomes a secret santa of types. More cost effective and you get things you want. This year im buying daughter in law some expensive face cream, brother some games he wants and ive listed items including mascara, serums, books. All stuff i want and will use. Honestly, takes the stress out of christmas shopping. Ik we only then buy for 1 person each side of the family but it works perfectly (for us)

You are somewhat over the top

The cup of tea thing is weird to get so angry about OP. Of course if someone is getting up to make a drink they’re going to offer you one, it would be strange to just get up and make your own, why does this annoy you? If you’re not ready for one you just say no thanks.

Stop getting angry about the presents, just leave them in your car and take straight to a charity shop in the new year, job done.

I wish it was more socially acceptable to state what kind of gifts you like. For me, I am happy with fancy handwash as I will both use and enjoy it. I would rather have that than more money spent on stuff I neither want or need.

I don’t mind getting gifts if it’s something I have asked for or some thing I use often, I would be happy with wrinkle cream (I need to use a lot). I like it when people ask me what I want and then stick to what I have asked for. My lovely DM asks me each year and gets me what I have asked for but then she adds a couple of items I haven’t asked for and they are always food or cheap smellies that I don’t like or can’t use due to my sensitive skin. This year I asked her just to get the 2 items I asked for but today she has presented me with 5 gifts.

I love buying gifts for others, I try and buy things I know they will like or things they have asked for. I am not as keen receiving.

So you specified a charity and they ignored you?

The problem is you are buying them presents.

It’s simple. If you want to stop receiving presents you just stop giving presents.

There’s no way I could not give a present to someone who was giving one to me, no matter what they said!

Personally I don’t bother with any gift giving at Christmas, it’s totally pointless.

I assume people don't think you really mean it when you say you don't want gifts. It's polite to say things like this and its friendly to give gifts. As is offering to make someone a cup of tea. It's in the same vein as discussing the weather or a shocking news story. It's called being sociable. A lot of what we say and do is about bonding, not practicalities or what is necessary.

What a lot of drama about nothing.

Yep.

I know. Imagine wasting time commenting on it eh?

@Bestreached I get you. I get your stress. Am the same. Fielding questions of what do you want and me giving the same answer a zillion times. Even suggestions to charity oh yes but then what can I get you. If I ask something practical that I really need an told that's really not a present because it's so practical, so useful. I stress so much and I actually don't like Christmas anymore. Same with presents to my children. So much stuff that it just gets wasted. So many expensive toys that overwhelm them so they open and out aside or play with once. It's sad if consumerism is the only way to express love. I hear you and I empathise