Paying grandparent for childcare

[NewGoldFox]

We pay mil £160 a month for two days a week of drop offs and pick ups for two pre teens. We have a dog so she spends time with the dog but doesn’t walk him or anything like that and there is no expectation from us for her to spend the day with him.
I asked my husband if he would be paying the full £160 this month as due to illness and annual leave mil has ended up doing 1 week of the usual childcare. He has said yes he will be paying the full amount. Am I being unreasonable to expect not to pay the full whack? She does help us out an extra day over the summer holidays although it doesn’t work out as an extra day a week as I take annual leave and husband does also to spend time with the children over holidays.
Interested in other peoples points of view on the arrangement.

£160 a month is peanuts. Dont be so tight. See how much a childminder costs instead

I think it’s right to pay the full amount, it’s such a small amount for th work that she does.

£160 isn’t peanuts to me, it would be cheaper to go with before and after school clubs but the children prefer to be with Nanny and I prefer them to be able to relax at home.
I wasn’t suggesting that we wouldn’t pay it either, I was just surprised it was assumed I suppose.

But they’re your kids!

Regardless of how much it is I'm shocked that a grandparent needs to be paid to spend time with their grandchildren. If understand if money was tight and they needed fuel costs covering or something similar, but a monthly wage 😳 if I was paying for childcare I'd pay someone qualified to provide it, not a grandparent who I'd expect to want to spend time with the child.

As an unpaid grandparent part of me thinks she’s lucky. But then again, if she accepting £160 a month she must need it, so cutting it off would probably leave her budget short and be cruel, especially at Christmas. Maybe you need to establish sickness/time off guidelines for future?

I think you should stay out of this one and let your husband do what he needs to do for his mum.

What do you think a childminder or after school club would provide that the average grandparent, reasonable intelligence etc couldn't? Spending time with grandchildren is great, however school pickup/wrap around care, is a regular arrangement that can cost money, especially now that GP appointments are so difficult to get, you don't have the option of all day appointments and can end up running around in taxis etc. I can't take term time holidays, I can't do the coach trips my friends are doing, I can't do some of the local classes because they are aimed at retired people and run over school pick up times. I put washing out, feed the children, take parcels back etc, do a bit of housekeeping on top. I don't get paid, only because I don't need it. For all we know the GP might end up spending it on her GC anyway. Then there's the issue of it the OP wasn't using GP care, then they'd have to fit the children seeing their GP in. That £40 a week, is well spent.

I agree

£20 per day probably barely covers fuel by the time the grandmother drives from her place to pick up the kids, take them to school, back home…same journeys in reverse at pick-up time, along with whatever other detours are involved. It doesn’t sound like a monthly wage, it sounds like a convenient way of paying a month’s fuel (plus the price of a couple of thank you coffees), as who’s going to try to keep up with paying for the fuel each day.
Sounds like the OP resents paying, as the arrangement suits her and her children, and the OP knows fine that she wouldn’t be able to employ somebody to do the job and pay them £10 per shift which includes petrol!
I think that’s an arrangement that sounds very advantageous to the OP, and that she should be grateful.

Does she rely on the income? If so then I think YABU. It’s not as if she is otherwise entitled to sick leave or holiday pay.

You don’t say how wealthy or not your MIL is, but if she’s on state pension she’ll be getting around £230 a week or less if she didn’t pay in all her annual amounts; your £40 a week could make a huge difference to her life.

If she’s a multimillionaire on the other hand, and you guys are on the breadline, I wonder why she’s taking any money at all 🤷‍♀️

I’d look at it more like a salary, so sometimes she works more and occasionally less but the pay remains the same. Would it be cheaper than after school club and holiday club? Plus a dog sitter(as presumably she lets him out/gives him water)

I think YABU tbh.it seems a good deal .DC are happy and she has a little spare cash.

I think a grandparent is more than qualified to provide childcare.

I am very grateful to her, I’m also well aware how lucky we are that she is kind and a good role model for the children.

In terms of wealth, grandparents are mortgage free and have around 100k in savings we are mortgaged and zilch in savings. They are heading towards retirement so I understand their concerns about money but they also have a hot tub and don’t take the children to the pantomime when they go every year, which is odd to me.

To be clear I know we are getting a good deal, it is just a little painful with the wealth inequality and a close friend who is horrified at the thought of paying a parent, that’s why I was keen to hear other peoples thoughts.

Agree...

So in other words you expect them to do it for nothing. You've said yourself that the arrangement suits you well, so pay it. So what if your friend is horrified. It's got nothing to do with her. And as for their supposed wealth...that's none of your business.

that is £20 a day and you begrudge that

a dog walker would cost more than that

So you really expect her to do it for free with a smile and a pat on the back for being a good granny. The entitlement!

To be clear, you are not 'paying her' by any stretch of the imagination. You are making a tiny contribution towards her expenses. When you say it's not peanuts to you, did you think you would be getting free childcare for 2 children? I cannot see how two days of pre and post school club for two children would cost any less than that anyway. You are being unreasonable to quibble about paying less - leave it to your H.

What the hell has her hot tub got do do with anything ?

Peanuts.
You wouldn’t get an hours dog walk for that.

Personally I think it’s weird to pay grandparents, however as you have agreed to do so I believe you do owe her it even if she has been unwell. Consider it sickness pay just like an employee would get

Absolutely this. A childminder to help out would cost a lot more. My friend paid her mother to look after her DC. My friend said that her mother couldn’t exactly go anywhere or do other things while she had the DC she wanted to acknowledge the appreciation she felt. Childcare IS expensive I’m always shocked at how surprised people seem to be about this.