Paying grandparent for childcare

[NewGoldFox]

We pay mil £160 a month for two days a week of drop offs and pick ups for two pre teens. We have a dog so she spends time with the dog but doesn’t walk him or anything like that and there is no expectation from us for her to spend the day with him.
I asked my husband if he would be paying the full £160 this month as due to illness and annual leave mil has ended up doing 1 week of the usual childcare. He has said yes he will be paying the full amount. Am I being unreasonable to expect not to pay the full whack? She does help us out an extra day over the summer holidays although it doesn’t work out as an extra day a week as I take annual leave and husband does also to spend time with the children over holidays.
Interested in other peoples points of view on the arrangement.

Compared to many you are doing fine. Get a grip. 👍

I expect they were up against it at your life stage too. You’re getting gold standard childcare for peanuts.

They are also presumably 20/30 years older than you both and at a completely different stage of life where they have had more time to accumulate wealth. Why would you expect to have as much as them? Genuine question as I am baffled by this and see it a lot on here.

Unless I was on the absolute bones of my arse I cannot see a world in which I would take a penny off my DC to look after my own DGC. I think it is an incredibly mean thing to do and I would be ashamed to accept money in your MIL shoes.

And this is why I won’t be providing any childcare for any future grandchildren.

It’s never appreciated. I’m spending my retirement in the sun no monotonous school drop off and picks ups for me. Did my fair share and not doing it again.

I bet you wouldn’t want an MIL like me hey Op?

Bloody hell. Talk about slave labour!

36 years ago I paid my mum £10 a day for looking after my daughter. I paid her every week, whether she had my child or not. Her financial situation was irrelevant to that.

I was just grateful that my daughter was receiving the most wonderful care and forming a strong bond with her grandmother.

Yes, I do think you're being unreasonable.

Yes, same here. It's as if younger people resent older people having savings and a pension - it's what you work 40+ years for!
I don't get that attitude either.

It’s so common on mn unfortunately.

💯

Time and time again, "they've paid off their mortgage, they've got savings"..
That's the way it should be! It's not greed.

Please don't start this again. It's highly unlikely that people who are young now will ever be in as fortunate as some older people are now. Pensions are simply not as valuable and the housing market does not offer the same opportunity to make money by doing nothing. Wages are lower and the cost of living is much higher. But more than that, the sense of entitlement makes me sick. So please don't derail the thread.

Quote didn’t work on random 100 above…

It’s peanuts in the scheme of things. Think of it as a payment to keep the family civil if you must. This isn’t a business relationship don’t treat it as one, it you’d be paying much more for a start.

I agree I would be paying more if it were a business, I wholeheartedly agree it is great value for money.

For discussion sakes, what sort of arrangement do you think I can expect when they are elderly and in need of help. Will I be putting my hand out for hospital visits/food shopping trips? Or am I absolved of this responsibility by virtue of paying now.

I think it’s outrageous that you have to pay! Can’t you use wrap around care & get the 20% off tax free?

or discussion sakes, what sort of arrangement do you think I can expect when they are elderly and in need of help. Will I be putting my hand out for hospital visits/food shopping trips? Or am I absolved of this responsibility by virtue of paying now.

Nothing, unless they pay you. And remember you are cheaper than a carer!

I don't know any grandparents that charge their adult children for regular childcare. I and all the other grandparents I know that do or did regular childcare, did it free of charge.

They may not even need/want your help. Why are you preparing for this? You sound very resentful

@NewGoldFox you picked the wrong site for this topic!

Yes, we did work out it would be cheaper to do so but the children enjoy spending time with Nanny and I think it’s a more restful day for them to be at home for longer.

It depends on what kind of person you are.

If you want everything to be purely transactional then decide a price or don't help them out.

Not taking the children to the pantomime with them is seriously weird.

I'm a grandma as are many of my friends. I do several pick ups a week and do several full days a week care in the holidays. I would never dream of getting paid to do it, I've never till this post heard of a grandparent getting paid. It's shocking.

I think it's a privilege to spend time with my grandchild, my own flesh and blood, whom I love very much. I love my very close relationship with them. I help out because I adore my child and grandchild and want to make their life easier, paying me would feel as if it was reduced to a business transaction.

I offered to do the childcare when my grandchild was born and we have adjusted the days and hours as my grandchild has got older. I cannot ever imagine being in the situation where I would ask or my child would offer to be paid.

@NewGoldFox Im confused why everyone is telling you it’s peanuts!
I would use the wrap around care & stop the nonsense tbh.

So you really expect her to do it for free with a smile and a pat on the back for being a good granny. The entitlement

Why wouldn’t the OP expect her parents to pick up her dc from school for free? It’s a completely normal thing to do.

I think that may be a better plan, not just for the sake of the money. It's not really working for the OP.