Paying grandparent for childcare

[NewGoldFox]

We pay mil £160 a month for two days a week of drop offs and pick ups for two pre teens. We have a dog so she spends time with the dog but doesn’t walk him or anything like that and there is no expectation from us for her to spend the day with him.
I asked my husband if he would be paying the full £160 this month as due to illness and annual leave mil has ended up doing 1 week of the usual childcare. He has said yes he will be paying the full amount. Am I being unreasonable to expect not to pay the full whack? She does help us out an extra day over the summer holidays although it doesn’t work out as an extra day a week as I take annual leave and husband does also to spend time with the children over holidays.
Interested in other peoples points of view on the arrangement.

Some grandparents reduce their working hours in order to support family with grandchildren. I most certainly did this. I don’t expect payment because I can afford not to be paid. Some GPs may need extra money though.

I think you expect a lot from your in-laws. The way I see it the more Grandparents help - the more they are expected to help. And there is this seedy undercurrent of they have more money than us - it's just not fair, it should be more equal. Grabby much?

They have a hot tub 🤣🤣🤣.

Greedy bastards. They should be paying OP for the pleasure of looking after her children!

Yabu very unreasonable.

You are getting a bargain...2 drop of and pick ups is a big commitment, its stops being able to do as you please for the day as you are clock watching.

You also sound resentful over the fact they have a hot tub...what do you mean by wealth inequality? You don't think they deserve the money?

Maybe put a stop to this arrangement since you are bitter about it and go with after school club, which might sit better with you?

It’s a statement of fact 🙈 and quite a relevant one as if mil was depending on the payments and we were able to do so I wouldn’t quibble it but actually we’re up against it.

But what has a hot tub got to do with the money?

Thats like saying you clearly have a device that enables the internet and actually have the internet to type this so you can afford to pay them?

Their hot tub is totally irrelevant to your point!

I am thinking of putting a stop to it in the new year by changing my working hours as it has obviously caused resentment on my end.

I’m sorry I mentioned the bloody hot tub 😂

You wouldn’t get much childcare for £160 a month. Not all grandparents are flush.

"they also have a hot tub"
😂😂😂

Sorry to cross post, but that really made me laugh, too!

I'd look at the £160 as petrol money for the drop offs and pick ups.

You could not pay your half.

I'd definitely use school clubs though and keep family seperate.

100k in savings isn’t a lot if they are retired. A hot tub hardly makes someone rich!

Exactly. The thing is, when you're retired, that's it. You have a finite amount of money, and not in the situation to improve your financial situation by much. Perhaps they're saving in case they need care later in life.
Or maybe just for hot tub parties 🎉 🥳

Am I being unreasonable about paying the whole whack ?
89% yes
Well I’m not having it! I’m going to change my hours .

Your pre-teens should be old enough to go to school by themselves, so you could save the pittance you are paying.

Bring back the laugh emoji.

I just think that on reflection it’s obviously bothering me more than I had realised.

I also agree that 100k is not a huge amount when you are looking down the barrel of retirement. I didn’t say they are rich they are just in better shape financially than we are.

You don’t pay her for the extra day she does in the holidays? And you want to get out of paying her in full for December? When you’re paying her almost nothing as it is. Think about it OP.

And how much will reducing your hours cost? Don’t forget to factor in the long-term impact on your pension. And what additional costs - fuel, snacks, meals, etc - will you incur?

Well, they ought to be, after a lifetime of working.
Anyway, you're going to need to speak to your DH and unpick the resentment a bit.

I don’t know any grandparent who would accept cash for this, unless they were impoverished. It is such an alien concept to me. I am from an Asian culture though so maybe see things differently.

You should pay her more to be honest!

Hmm I don't think it's that unreasonable. For my kids to go breakfast and after-school club its £12. So if yours is a similar cost this would be £48 a week, so in a 4 week month would be more than what you pay the grandparents. You mention they do extra in holidays and presumably have the children the whole day instead of just drop offs, so that would also be another high cost. I wouldn't begrudge them the extra because they are doing less this month.

Also there is every possibility they are taking this money from you and putting into a savings account for the children which they don't want you to know about.

I would Not want to do this as a grandparent because of how much it would tie me down during the week. I’d want to be able to take term time holidays and have random meet ups and days off at times that please me. Of course, I’d want to see my grandchildren, but not to a schedule. I wouldn’t expect payment for babysitting, but I also wouldnt be providing a regular service. My own MIL stopped providing childcare for my work as she hadn’t realised that she wouldn’t be able to take holiday as I wouldn’t have any other childcare (she thought nurseries could just be booked ad hoc). In the end, she stopped doing it and paid for a nursery place instead!