Paying grandparent for childcare

[NewGoldFox]

We pay mil £160 a month for two days a week of drop offs and pick ups for two pre teens. We have a dog so she spends time with the dog but doesn’t walk him or anything like that and there is no expectation from us for her to spend the day with him.
I asked my husband if he would be paying the full £160 this month as due to illness and annual leave mil has ended up doing 1 week of the usual childcare. He has said yes he will be paying the full amount. Am I being unreasonable to expect not to pay the full whack? She does help us out an extra day over the summer holidays although it doesn’t work out as an extra day a week as I take annual leave and husband does also to spend time with the children over holidays.
Interested in other peoples points of view on the arrangement.

Was going to the say the same! How can she accept to even take the money. My parents and in-laws happily help, we are their children and their grandchildren at the end of the day.

I think still pay her think of it as a Christmas bonus.

I can’t believe you posted asking this. You sound very ungrateful

I wouldn't dare take advantage of my own mother like that.
£160 is a tiny amount
If anything, increase it

I can’t see how 2 kids is cheaper then what you pay - at school holiday club

you pay £20 per day so £10 per child for before and after school care - plus a dog sitter

she may not take for walks l- but you can’t leave a dog alone 8-6 while you are at work so she really is a bargain

I think you’re getting a-lot of replies from grandparents/older generation here. Thats why they are all indigent and outraged.
I understand the relevance of the hot-tub, I can imagine they are expensive to maintain and have on.
My DP’s looked after our eldest when I went back to work for 2 days a week, they would work with my DH’s shift work so alot of early starts for them. They came to our house, so it was familiar for DS ( he was 9 months old) They did this for 2 years, we had another baby and I became a SAHM.
They never asked for a penny, they were ok money wise, no £100,000 savings for sure! I would buy them treats but they understood how money was tight for us.
I’m the youngest of 6 so they never had money whilst we were growing up.
I loved it soo much, our DS was so close to them, he would take off running to them when they arrived, such a special time.
When my DM died unexpectedly age 75 he was 6, it broke his heart and again 4 years later when his DG died.
He’s now 26 and talks about them with such lovely memories
Its a shame when money tarnishes relationships, does your Mil really need the money? Wish I had £100,000 in savings! £1000 more like!
Hope whatever you decide to do works out for you, its a juggle.

£20 a day and she probably feeds them too which an afterschool club wouldn’t do. You’re getting a bargain, stop being so ungrateful.

Surely if she didn’t visit you would need a dog otter? They’re about £40 a day where I am

Do your kids know that you pay their grandparent to spend time with them? Would they be upset knowing this?
I'm on your side 100% with this, she's taking the P.
Clearly doesn't need the money, time to use after school club instead and see if she still bothers to see the grandkids or if it was just a 'job'

£160 IS a lot of money, pretty ignorant to those saying that it isn't

Absolutely this!!

Yes but you have plenty of years left to build up your retirement fund. They don't. My nephew (9 yo) hasn't had any living grandparents on either side for the last 5 years. Also your pre teens won't want to spend much time with grandparents soonish - they'll be too busy with friends/hobbies/growing up & so they are benefitting now from precious time with them.

Well we pay £15 per session of afterschool care (it’s that price regardless of when you pick them up) so at two days a week for four weeks for two children that would be £240. And that’s not factoring in petrol costs and the fact she also drops them off in the morning. And she is looking after the dog, although you seem to think that’s nothing. So £160 is pretty measly anyway. Yabu.

Agreed. Actually our afterschool care is £15 per child per session and they do feed them.

I would never expect to be paid to look after my granddaughter, I would do it because I wanted to.

I wouldn't do it even if paid, but everyone's situation is different. 😊

Friend of mine cut down her work hours so she could childmind her grandchild. The parents of said child are loaded, and have never one suggested making up her lost income. She says she doesn't mind because she loves her grandkid, but at the same time she's losing money she desperately needs for retirement.

You're privileged enough to be able to afford the lost income then, aren't you? Not all older women are so lucky.

This.

That's sad. The loaded parents are greedy and are failing to see her financial struggles whilst she saves them lots of money in childcare

Consider it holiday pay for your MIL!

I love this expectation that grandparents should child mind free of charge and that they actually want to.

Grandparents do have their own lives and it shouldn't be considered a given. Just because they have savings doesn't mean that their time and energy is worthless.

It would look very tight if you docked the payment.
Also £100k savings, for a couple approaching retirement, is not a huge amount. You will realise that when you reach that milestone yourself.
It is also unlikely that their finances looked any better than yours, when they were young parents. They were also far less likely to have unpaid childcare, or indeed, any at all.
Most grandparents are just delighted to be able to see their gc - however convenient visits each way, is very different to commiting to set tasks, at set times, with costs attached.

She should refuse it but I presume she’s tight as she is charging you

If you work on a 4 week month its 8 quid a day for 2 kids and a dog not sure where you going to get afterschool club at that price

We pay my Mum £600 a month. She does drop off and pick up during term time. As a teacher, I have all the holidays off. We pay her 12 months a year!

My husband would never imagine asking to pay less. If we went to a breakfast/afterschool club- it would cost us a lot more!