To feel like I don’t like men anymore

[Dogsinsantasuits]

Not as in not attracted to them, although I am less bothered these days
It’s almost like i’m coming to a realisation that most (not all) are not great and women are infinitely stronger people.
Is this an age thing-late 40’s? Sad as I used to really like men. Now all I see around me is amazing women with men who aren’t a patch on them or dangerous and/or perverted men in the news.

I think we've reached a stage where a lot of people's world view is massively influenced by the internet and ideology rather than day to day life. Like, if there was no media it'd be entirely possible to believe that not a single woman was murdered in the UK each year as we'd probs not hear about it - I don't believe the same could be said about some other countries.

The people who seem most divorced from everyday life seem to be those that spend a lot of time online (and dare I say) those that have a bit of an axe to grind and aren't happy in general. These women that blame all the ills of the world on men remind me a bit of the guys who've never worked but attend protests about 'immigrants taking all the jobs'.

I don't meet many of these man haters in real life which makes me think many are a bit like these online male incels. Most women I know are married or have a partner and just get on with life. Some have kids, some don't. Some socialise a lot, some tend to be homebodies, some are really into outdoor stuff and sports. But none think we live in an Orwellian dystopia where women fight to exist lol.

Galadriel seems to think he’s in a lecture hall with a laser pen delivering his “wisdom” to hundreds of grateful women. Some men cannot stand to not be centred in women’s discussions.

I note like many men who barge into these conversations there is no lived experience. Just made up data and stats all presented in a flat disconnected way like they might discuss train timetables. They’re observers, not participants. I think for some of them the only contact they have with women is on sites like this.

I can guarantee my world view is influenced by life experience and day to day experience.
A family member killed by a jealous ex.
Many female family members divorced abusive exes and sadly others who stuck with them due to societal pressures.
The overwhelming amount of colleagues/friends/ family members whose crappy exes refuse to parent their kids or pay enough child maintenance.
The amount of female friends that all have experience of sexual assault, coercive abuse etc.
The amount of female friends doing all the paid work and all the unpaid work as thwy do not possess a penis.
My male cousin who was blinded in one eye by a violent thug who felt like a bit of aggro after a drink.
The list goes on.
I am glad you live in a world where this has not infiltrated but you are the one in the dream world.

If he was adamant he wanted children and you spelled out to him it would be a massive inconvenience and workload and he insisted and you reluctantly agreed to have children with him and made it clear the quid pro quo was you weren't going to work full time and that you expected him do to bulk of the domestic leg work then you're not wrong.

If, on the other hand, you were keen on marriage and children and he wasn't that bothered then you can't reasonably complain after it's too late that your lifestyle choice is bloody miserable. So you'd be wrong.

Truthfully this stuff should be first date stuff. State: "If this works out I want marriage and children and I plan to give up full time work and I expect you to do 10 hours a week of domestic work." if the other person doesn't like that idea then nobody wastes any time.

Of course nobody ever says that becaise it's so obviously a stupid idea that the other person would immediately walk off. (Regardless of gender.)

Are you actually serious??

Hi, thanks. I'm early 50s and recently single. Not really looking as the odds are against me and I like my life 😁 I actually meet a lot of people like me these days.

I think it's would be useful for us women to experience dating and a man our age and vice versa.

Yes, they seem to spectacularly miss the point also and go off on a weird tangent to fit their agenda. Maybe ND?

Like the poster above saying it’s wrong that men want a maid bc they actually don’t mind living in squalor…

I suspect some of them have maybe never had a girlfriend? And live in their mums basements 😂

Only someone who is young and has no relationship experience would think it’s possible to guarantee a fair domestic split on the first date.

This response shows a naivety and a lack of understanding about adult relationships. This person doesn’t even grasp the basics of what they feel entitled to lecture us about.

Oh and just to clarify... i am most definately not a female version of an incel.
The very meaning of incel is involuntary celibate.
I promise you 100% there is nothing involuntary in my well informed choice of avoiding being in a relationship with a man.

We hear about so many disgusting men these days. It’s seems a day doesn’t pass without another headline. And don’t get me started on the likes of Trump and Putin.

I’m late 40s, in peri. I have an amazing husband who is kind, pulls his weight around the house, cooks etc which I know should be the norm but sadly isn’t speaking to many women.
However, if I lost him for any reason I’d have no interest in a relationship with another man.

I have seen at work social events how many married men I work with are happy to try it on with colleagues, or just their overall misogynistic comments. The amount of women I work with who are full time and still do all the housework and cooking is crazy. They tell me I’m lucky my husband does stuff around the house and I can’t see how him jointly taking care of the house he lives in when we both work should be considered lucky.

The discussion seems to move away a bit from the initial point made by the TO, which was that many women perceive men to be rather disappointing and would no longer like to partner with one.

some of the posters have tried to turn the discussion around by trying to tell women off for generally working less and taking more responsibility for childraising and so forth. However, what is being overlooked by these posters are the structural inequalities in countries like the UK with large sex inequality. If child care was free (like it will be soon, for instance in The Netherlands), the burden of childcare would hopefully be less on parents, especially women (I appreciate some will not see that as a burden, but state supported child care at least gives parents more choice).

I think people cannot be convinced by facts alone, but showing understanding for someone on the other side of the debate will help you understand their view point and perhaps they yours.

Is that really what you got from my post? 🙄

The discussion seems to move away a bit from the initial point made by the TO, which was that many women perceive men to be rather disappointing and would no longer like to partner with one.

...and it's the "no longer" which boils my piss.

It's fine to think men.are useless and to not want to be with a man. (In fact most men would rather not have long term attachments so both sides would be happier that way.)

What's not fine is have a marriage, have children and then decide men are useless and you don't want to live with a man after it's too late for both of you.

Eagleswim What's not fine is have a marriage, have children and then decide men are useless and you don't want to live with a man after it's too late for both of you

Another young man with no experience enraged by a hypothetical women having autonomy. Women can leave marriages for whatever reason they choose. Whether you think it’s ok or not is irrelevant.

The audacity of a kid coming on here to lecture adults.

They can only leave marriages if someone marries them. And threads like these have helped to make men realize how women perceive men and marriage and avoid the trap.

Don't feed the MRA.

So a load of women say marriage and commitment is a terrible idea and that's fine. Then a man agrees and that's activism!

Again you are showing your age and lack of experience and intelligence. Do you really think well adjusted healthy men lurk on mumsnet to see how women perceive them like some sort of peeping tom?

Men are desperate to be partnered. Men not in a partnership humiliate themselves to talk to women like you are doing now.

I don’t think you need to worry about a woman trying to trap you 😂

Do you really think well adjusted healthy men lurk on mumsnet to see how women perceive them

I've been quite suprised how often it comes up. I only know about "the ick" becaise a guy at work was under a bit of pressure to commit and a colleague suggested he check out mumsnet and "the ick". So yeah, I reckon a fair few people under pressure to commit end up on MN to work out what women really think. I can't think of a better place to find out what women think on a larger scale than asking one or two.

Men are desperate to be partnered.

Yeah, that's why there are so many wedding magazines aimed at men and none aimed at women. And why mumsnet is overwhelmingly male and women aren't interested in parenting. Oh, wait.... IME women are far more interested in commitment and children than men. OK, that interest may not be out of a liking for men or a genuine desire to be with men, but it's there.

How old are you, out of interest? 😂

Exactly. You’re not a healthy well adjusted man. You use mumsnet as market research and intel. And although you say marriage is a “trap” you spend time here lecturing women about something you have no experience of. And that’s so obvious it’s embarrassing for you.

What you’re interpreting as women’s negative views of men is actually just women describing relationships where men lack the skills for healthy participation. You might be better to have some curiosity about that, or to develop your own skills so you can have a mutually happy relationship instead of looking like a fool.

On the subject of interpersonal skills, drop the sarcasm. It’s contempt disguised as wit and makes you look stupid and mean. Even young kids know it’s not socially acceptable.

Good point Eagleswim, all wedding magazines are aimed towards women, not men, and it's usually women who push for marriage and children due to the biological clock ticking.

Well, obv I can't verify any of those claims about the 'overwhelming' number of victims you know, but everyone on here seems to have a likely story. Bit like that feminist blogger who wrote the piece about the guy in the MAGA hat (of course 🙄) who cuffed her son around the ear for wearing a pink headband.

She oddly didn't want Walmart to check the cameras and report to the police when they offered, and she then removed the story outright when somebody pointed out that she'd already apparently faced three abduction attempts and narrowly missed death by being late for two plane flights that subsequently crashed.

Same as all the blokes that claim a feminist shouted at them for holding a door open. Anecdotes are kind of a waste of time tbh. I could tell you that I've faced much more nastiness from other women than men (true) and how my mother is a narcissistic bully who has pretty much broken my dad over the last few decades but what's the point. People make up all sorts of shit online.

But generally people who harbour a lot of hatred aren't very happy or pleasant individuals to be around.

It's also a bit of a head scratcher to bang on about misogyny whilst having an unconditional hatred of men. It's like a lot of these women don't know what misogyny actually means (an ingrained hatred of women). 😂