To feel like I don’t like men anymore

[Dogsinsantasuits]

Not as in not attracted to them, although I am less bothered these days
It’s almost like i’m coming to a realisation that most (not all) are not great and women are infinitely stronger people.
Is this an age thing-late 40’s? Sad as I used to really like men. Now all I see around me is amazing women with men who aren’t a patch on them or dangerous and/or perverted men in the news.

Oh maybe it’s our age? Because I must say I dislike them immensely. Whenever I make that comment in here I’m told that I’m bitter blah blah. In my head when a women comments that their husband is lovely I think ‘check his browsing history / texts.’ 😂 but more than that, I think so many of them are condescending and think that we’re incapable because they do 1% of tasks in the house. The older I get the more I realise that they objectify us whilst they are sat there fat, gross and bald themselves, they tell us we’re emotional when actually they’re angry over a game of sport or get upset over a spilt drink etc. I think women are better in every single respect. I hope mine dies young (he won’t leave) and I can live in peace. I dream of it actually.

A whole post to inform me you have nothing to say to me? 🤣

Bit ironic to criticise my critical thinking whilst admitting that you're entirely unaware of any of the studies/data I'm discussing.

You say you wouldn't quote anything without doing thorough research first. Personally, I wouldn't argue with somebody quoting well known facts and data without making a point of doing some research myself. Otherwise you end up sounding a bit like a flat earther lol.

I almost pointed out that somebody will soon be along to give the 'reasons' women abuse more children than men but I thought I'd wait for the inevitable.

It's a well known dynamic that people will often rush to rationalise the actions of women when they're violent. I've thought before now that's it's likely a form of innate sexism whereby we view women as meek and docile and therefore incapable of horrific acts.

I can think of plenty of reasons why women would commit the majority of child abuse. However, nobody is waxing lyrical on the reasons why men commit the majority of violence, despite there being many many studies on the effects of hormones and evolution, so it seemed a bit surplus to requirements.

The reason why posters want to rationalise female violence and condemn male violence is indicative of their own personal bias. It's quite clear when you're a normal person who judges people as individuals rather than based on their race/sex/class etc.

Yes, men murder a lot more women than the reverse, but when you consider that there are 34 million men in this country, 84 committing femicide is a tiny proportion. I don't understand why people on here think it's a gotcha to continually reference stats showing that over 99.9% of men don't murder their partners. It's bizarre!

I think @Beesd point of view is pretty balanced and (I would hope) accurate. Out of interest (if you want to answer only) what is your age and are you in a relationship? You have experience of the apps (as do I) so just wondering.

I have a divorce behind me and said ‘never again’. Only went and did it anyway. I think we’re a bit role reversed though as he helps organise me, organises the DC and I’m the flaky one who has to try and up their game. He does his fair share of stuff around the house and most of the DIY. I do most of the cleaning. He is tidy and TBH I couldn’t manage without him. He does add to my life. We lift each other up and I hope I add to his life too. I’m peri too and still fancy him, probably because he is one of the 15% and ex was one of the 85% who got ditched.

I think a big factor in the problems we see is that women often rely on men whilst men are usually capable of managing on their own when it comes to the crunch.

Ironically, the best solution to this might actually be equality but in a different context to the usual meaning. If women focused on trying to contribute financially as much as possible, pushing their career again once the kids are at school rather than going permanently PT, we'd see less of the power imbalance and less stories about women 'being left penniless after supporting him to maximise his earning potential for years'.

It's the elephant in the room on here but for every tough talking feminist there's at least five women working part time or in a non-career job and relying on their husband as the main earner.

Many of these women could've prioritised their career again once the kids were older but the truth is that many don't want to once the family income is sufficient and they tell themselves it's OK because 'hubby loves his job'.

The reality is that spending your life sitting at a desk isn't actually all that empowering and a lot of women only do it for financial security or to compete with men. Many also find that their priorities change and they become more family focused. That's perfectly understandable and likely partly related to biology but the truth is you can't have your cake and eat it.

It's one thing to moan but how many women would agree to a 50/50 maternity/paternity split and agree to go back to full time work and be 100% focused on maximising their earning potential once the kids are at school? I think it'd be like the recent conscription debates where many women talk the talk but then excuse themselves when the time comes for an equal split.

Mid 40s and agree. So many amazing women by default.

Awesome men. Not so many.

think a big factor in the problems we see is that women often rely on men whilst men are usually capable of managing on their own when it comes to the crunch.

WHAT?? 🤣🤣🤣

Im not sure what planet you live on but it bears absolutely no relation to mine.

All the divorced or widowed single women I know manage quite happily alone and most have no plans to ever cohabit again.

The single men I know are either depressed or live in a shithole and are just general sad sacks. They are continually on the lookout for another live-in maid and often angry at the world when it doesn’t provide one.

You are funny.

GaIadriel They're happy to treat a woman like the Queen of Sheba when she's young and attractive and they're both having fun. However, once they're getting their ear bent daily by a porky middle aged whinger they can't really be arsed to roll out the red carpet anymore

Oh, it’s yet another sad bloke who’s an expert on relationships and is here to educate us
and dominate the discussion. And he thinks we should listen to him while he calls women porky Middle aged whingers.

I think it was always there but the procreation drive fooled us into thinking the majority were our equals.

So any young man with a GF who wants to get married and have children should say "No, it's just your procreation drive fooling you. You don't really like me, you'll thank me in 25 years time.".

Sadly/luckily a lot of young men these days are doing exactly that. In my male dominated (STEM) job 65% of the men don't plan to have children and don't want to get married. I don't doubt that's the pattern for the whole country and the Birth rate outside some communities conforms it. That means a lot of women who won't be having children with those solvent, intelligent men. We can say those women had a lucky escape but I'm not sure those women feel that way.

IME there aren't dozens of men desperately seeking LTRs with women, this thread suggests they're making the right decision. Nobody will thank them for settling down and having a family, so why would they bother? If they read this thread they'd be thinking they made the right decision.

Is that what he said?🤣

It’s such a shame Mn has been infiltrated by these basement dwelling oiks.

I read this thinking I had posted and forgotten - genuinely.

I hope mine dies young (he won’t leave) and I can live in peace. I dream of it actually.

You don't need his permission to split up. Clearly he's providing something you want.

In my experience I see my grandfather a violent alcoholic who ended up lonely in a filthy bed sit, whilst my grandmother worked her socks off to provide for SEVEN children. Uncles who have followed a similar path with alcohol. The women in my family have built lovely homes and careers, single handed supporting their families, with fantastic social lives and friends.

I’ve met a violent man who I’ve had to take to court for attacking me. I’ve had a partner that lived with his elderly mother, worked but had no savings, assets nor retirement plan.

ive met no women that have ultimately ended up in any of those situations, nor would they allow them selves to. It’s not that that doesn’t happen it’s that if it does it’s the exception to the rule.

I think this assumes that men will pick up the slack and women aren’t left with the mental as well as the physical load at home because someone has to do it. My ex wanted me to go back to work full time because of ‘equality’ and my value being seen in monetary terms at home. However, in his mind equality meant me doing a full time job, him being away half of all weekends while I held the fort, me doing all the working out of childcare, schools, child rearing, paperwork, wake up with the kids when they couldn’t sleep or were ill, arranging gp and dental appointments. He was willing to chauffeur them about provided I arranged everything, told him what needed doing or saying, packed what they needed and sent them out the door. I couldn’t do everything, so had to reduce my hours to hold on to tentative sanity. He would have loved me to climb the career ladder so he could remain mediocre in his job. However he didn’t do much to enable that by supporting at home.

He was eventually binned after I mentally collapsed under the pressure. He was oblivious and remains so to what needs doing. He is struggling on his own and still couldn’t organise a p**s up in a brewery. I still help him to parent. He does however manage to go out to work, so I suppose he is managing on the surface. I did come out of it with a very cynical view of men’s value and whether they add anything. We started with a roughly equal shared care arrangement but the kids have resisted spending time with him as the years have gone on, so yeah, lovely in theory and something I would have supported had it not turned out to be detrimental to their physical and mental health and felt reassured he could actually parent them.

now I have a DH who isn’t rubbish I am more than happy to both work the same hours because I know we work as a team and I’m not on my own with everything else.

I kind of agree with OP in that I do think most men are rubbish. Even my own DH isn’t perfect (me neither) but the point is we pick up the slack when the other drops it and I believe he is an exception rather than the norm.

So why is it always women complaining that they were left destitute when he ran off with his younger colleague? Surely you've seen the oft repeated advice on here to ensure you're financially independent.

A lot of men no doubt don't pull their weight with the housework but I think it's a bit deluded to believe that a high earning man couldn't just pay for a cleaner/laundry etc. I think the woman that sacrifices her career to 'manage the house' is in a much more precarious situation than the man who doesn't lift a finger at home but ensures his career is firmly in hand. He can walk away much more easily and we see many that do exactly this.

So to sum it up- not putting up with mens shite which is percentage wise massively gendered...such as domestic abuse, horrid porn use, violence, sex worker use, child sexual abuse, joy sucking out of life, murdering women at an alarming rate, killing each other, misogony.....by not putting up with it and not wanting them...WE are creating the Andrew Tates of the world?
Ok.

i read somewhere (written by a woman lightheartedly) that proof sexuality is not something you choose is that women are attracted to men. If they could choose attraction they would most likely choose women 😆

Yes, that's a fair point. But I think a lot of men would be happy to just pay a cleaner and aren't as fussed about house decor etc. Obv a big generalisation.

I defo think there's a point where the children are young and the woman is often run ragged. And often the man just wants to come home and put his feet up, thinking he's made his contribution by working (many a thread about this!).

However, we don't see much acknowledgment of what happens once the kids are at school/uni/working. Perhaps because the largest demographic on here are people with children.

Do we really believe that as many women are going at their career hell for leather in their 40s/50s when their husband is likely to be at his peak earning potential?

To me, it seems that many women drop to PT work when the kids are young and never really return with the same ambition. Often I see women happily coasting in mid level jobs while their husband is the high earner. Not saying this judgementally, it's just what I see. Paticularly in middle class families.

A lot of men no doubt don't pull their weight with the housework but I think it's a bit deluded to believe that a high earning man couldn't just pay for a cleaner/laundry etc. I think the woman that sacrifices her career to 'manage the house' is in a much more precarious situation than the man who doesn't lift a finger at home but ensures his career is firmly in hand. He can walk away much more easily and we see many that do exactly this.

....and we know these men were functioning so well as single men that women actually chose to marry them and have kids with them.

Young men really need to read MN before committing to children or marriage. Perhaps they do, it would certainly explain the lack of interest men have in committing.

Someone says above men are looking for maids. It's just nonsense. Firstly men aren't that fussy about their houses, secondly if a maid is required providing marriage and children is a very expensive way to get a maid. (In fact, on what planet would anyone think adding children and a wife to a house would increase cleanliness, order and tidiness.)

To me, it seems that many women drop to PT work when the kids are young and never really return with the same ambition. Often I see women happily coasting in mid level jobs while their husband is the high earner. Not saying this judgementally, it's just what I see. Paticularly in middle class families.

That's my experience. PT work and "hobby jobs" that don't actually make any money.

But you're taking things committed by a small minority of men and then applying them universally. That's the problem with class analysis. It's like saying men murder 400% more than women do, but if your sample size is only one woman and four men then it's still statistically insignificant to the population.

84 women and 25 men were murdered by their partner in the UK last year. With the male population alone being 34 million you can't really make broad statements with those kinds of numbers. It's like how Muslim terrorists pose the biggest threat to national security. I bet you're still not screaming from the rooftops about how we "shouldn't put up with Muslim shite". If not, then why would you do the same with men? It's bonkers and most women don't like it nowadays. It's partly why the vast majority of UK women believe in equality but specifically state that they're not feminists.

I'd say there are far more men saving women's lives than taking them if you consider that most of the military/police/fire services/etc are male dominated.

I'm not saying this because I'm a handmaiden/pick me/cool girl or whatever the current phrase is. I just don't like seeing bigotry, especially from people that claim to be victims. No way could you start a thread titled "all Muslims/women/benefits claimants are filthy losers" but it's fine to start a thread titled "All men are filthy losers" as we saw recently.

I believe in free speech but just know that most women disagree with this misanthropic rhetoric too. They'd side with normal rational viewpoints over this toxic femininity.

You lost me at small minority, sorry.

I think it's fine if that works for them and their family but it needs to be recognised as a conscious choice and a big factor in the pay gap.

Well it's pretty clear you've not really got any real stats to back up the maris piper on your shoulder. 🤣

I’m part time at the moment as Dc is still young and still in Primary. I worked full time all my life previous to this and earned a little more than Dh, wasn’t an issue and all money always shared.
I now have ended up doing almost everything-all cooking, tidying, cleaning, all drop offs and pick ups, everything school related, medical appointments. I pay all bills and am with Dd 80% maybe of the time.
Dh goes to work, yes more hours compared to my three days, he does five, he’s home at 4.45, house is tired, homework is done, dinner is ready…and he sits down. He occasionally washes up, sweeps the garden, takes the car for mot, that’s basically it.
He has nothing to really worry about outside work, whereas the list in my head and the work feels 24/7

I would actually like to work more, I’m qualified to masters level and would love to earn a load more money, feel good about myself, meet other adults…but there’s no way I am stupid enough to take that on as I know exactly how things will be. I will be doing double the work plus everything else on top.
I can sense Dh feeling annoyed or a lack of respect that i’m not working full time, but he has a damn cheek. He is unable to do school drop offs and pick ups due to his work, acts as though he wouldn’t be able to be off with Dd were she sick or there was a strike at school or a Drs appointment or dentist and so on. It is assumed I must sort all this with whichever full time job I get and nothing will change for him, well it would obviously have to! He’d have to start cooking, doing the food shop after work, cleaning, sorting the bills and splitting every other thing I do…he wouldn’t do this. He has it easy at present and Dd has a present mother for every drop off and pick up, every sickness or appointment or teachers meeting or strike or xmas show…weekends are free, no having to clean the house or food shop or do the washing or go to appointments, struggle with homework..,it’s all done and all done by me…yes still I sense his resentment, no thank you, no appreciation

Am I wrong??