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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
laurini · 23/12/2025 19:59

YABU

laurini · 23/12/2025 20:00

Also, if youre struggling for money, why are you wasting money on new outfits?!

FOJN · 23/12/2025 20:00

FFS pick your battles, let her wear her hair however she wants.

PartoftheBand · 23/12/2025 20:01

In your own words, "it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle." But it feels like this is what you are doing. Just let her be comfortable and happy.

AgnesX · 23/12/2025 20:01

Let her wear her hair how she wants to. If she's comfortable with it up that's the main thing.

Isit2026yet · 23/12/2025 20:02

If she doesn’t like wearing her hair down don’t make her.

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 20:02

Fair enough. Thank you

OP posts:
ImFckingMattDamon · 23/12/2025 20:02

Why is it important? Is it for some kind of Instagram christmas day photo op situation by any chance? Let her be herself!

thistimelastweek · 23/12/2025 20:02

I don't even need to read all of that to know you are being unreasonable

vanillalattes · 23/12/2025 20:03

Why would you even think this was okay?

MrsSkylerWhite · 23/12/2025 20:03

Let her “wear”?! Her hair as it is.

WorkMess2025 · 23/12/2025 20:03

Totally get why you're irked over some things but unfortunately I am in the 'this is unreasonable' camp. I always figure what does it matter how she wears her hair? Is it more important that she feels good and has a lovely time or looks how you'd like her to look but feels concious of it?

I'm very much of the opinion that hairstyle and style overall is their call. Yes, I would be having words if my DD tried to go out in a dress in the snow... but as long as it is appropriate for the weather and activity, I want to foster that side of her independence. My DD who's 4 often does her own hair with various clips etc. Sometimes it looks a little... wild. But honestly if she's happy with it (which she always is, and often looks at herself and says "wow, I'm so beautiful!") Then that's all that really matters.

Perhaps broaching the issues of feeling she lacks gratitude for time/money/effort spent is more important.

Taweofterror · 23/12/2025 20:04

You don't let her have enough imo. She's not a doll

BobblyBobbleHat · 23/12/2025 20:04

I think you need to let her be her to an extent. I wouldn't say it has to be down, I would say it needs to be brushed and tidy enough for a meal out. She might be pushing back so hard because she's feeling a bit pressured to be 'girly' like you and that just isn't who she is at the moment.

RancidRuby · 23/12/2025 20:05

but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle.

You're the one causing a fuss by insisting she bends to your wants. As long as she's clean and appropriately dressed for the weather then just let her be.

Dinglehead · 23/12/2025 20:05

This issue is very much of your own making. You want to dress up but she doesn't have to. It's her hair and you really don't get a say on how she wears it. Why spend money on clothes you know she doesn't like? Give yourself a break. Let her wear what she wants to. Don't buy her clothes unless she asks for them specifically and let her wear her hair the way she wants to.
Why are you pushing so much? It sounds like your trying hard to impress others when the one you should be concerned about is your daughter.

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/12/2025 20:06

Leave her hair alone. And if you’re skint stop buying “designer tracksuits” for a 6 year old ffs. I’ve got a 6 year old and she wouldn’t know what one was. Your priorities are mad.

LighthouseLED · 23/12/2025 20:06

She’s a child, not a doll. She should have autonomy over what she wears and how her hair is done- obviously if something is ridiculously exposing or offensive then you’d step in, but insisting on specific clothes and hairstyles is incredibly controlling.

Going forward, if she doesn’t like her hair done would a shorter style be more practical for her?

Mwnci123 · 23/12/2025 20:06

Leave the kid be. Don't spoil what should be a happy family time by being controlling. I don't
much like what my kids wear a lot of the time- so what? They're their own people, not extensions of me.

Amiunemployable · 23/12/2025 20:06

FGS, OP.

Let your poor daughter wear what she wants and have her hair how she wants.

Stop wasting money on outfits she doesn't like or want.

Let her be herself. Seriously. You actually sound awful. And I feel sad for your kid.

PlateyKatey · 23/12/2025 20:06

It’s her hair. Forcing her to wear it how you want her to will give her a complex.
She’s not your doll to dress up and dictate how her hair is.

MumChp · 23/12/2025 20:06

Ehhh...
"My parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing"....

Keroppi · 23/12/2025 20:07

She's 6 stop making her appearance a source of anxiety before she ends up a tween with poor self image and internalised misogyny. As long as she's clean and her clothes are ironed then it is what it is.

In future you can chill with giving them so many options and free reign over their clothes, perhaps just buy some key clothes they're comfortable in and they can pick colours etc. I certainty wouldn't be traipsing round shops with them. Perhaps in the Jan sales you could do a bit of online shopping on the laptop with them from pre determined options you've chosen so it's not so stressful, then buy repeats. Have a look at Uniqlo for more neutral and smart options or the Funky brands like Frugi or Max mora

TokyoSushi · 23/12/2025 20:07

OP come on, this does not need to be ‘a thing’ at all. As long as she looks clean and tidy leave her be.

Newname29 · 23/12/2025 20:07

Leave her be. My DD also has gorgeous hair and went through a tomboy phase where she just wanted to wear boys clothes. She is now super girly.

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