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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To make my daughter wear her hair down on Xmas day

365 replies

Namechangesecretsignature · 23/12/2025 19:58

I really don’t think I’m bu in these circumstances. Normally with something like this I’d think someone was unreasonable but hear me out

DD 6 has the most beautiful curly hair, it’s the most amazing colour whenever she comes to the hairdressers with me they’re in awe at it, both the colour and texture. DD is a major Tom boy, and my parenting style is very much live and let live, pick your battles sort of thing.

however, due to this my dc are used to having free reign on what they wear/do/eat/go to etc. my dc choose their own outfits each day and pretty such always have done. Dd is now especially hard to buy clothes for as alls she wants to wear is blue, black, grey, navy, or dark green. Wouldn’t dream of a dress, has a real issue with jeans, and won’t wear boots or anything. She has chosen a blue designer tracksuit to wear on Xmas day that is navy blue (it’s slightly “girlier” for once as has little shoulder pads and tapered bottoms). We are very much a dress up for Xmas day family and this year after COUNTLESS chopping and changing of plans it’s now been arranged that we’re going out for Xmas. Dd adamant she wants to wear her tracksuit (and has had a meltdown about the clothes I’ve bought her for Boxing Day). I’ve told her if she’s going to wear the tracksuit then I’ll be styling her hair and she won’t be wearing her usual go to style of a slick back pony tail to “dress up” a bit for Xmas day. She’s had an absolute meltdown and whilst this is something I wouldn’t normally care about, something in me is saying to stick to my guns. I accept and fully embrace that she doesn’t and probably will never dress in the way I’d love to dress her (I’m a real girly girl) but do I let her have too much say?

FWIW, I’ve told her that when I was young I didn’t get a say in what I was wearing where we were going and certainly not how my hair was styled. I think I’m further irritated by the kick off over her Boxing Day clothes. She won’t go to the shops with me so I’ve traipsed around the shops myself yesterday to find something she’d like. Smart and not girly but trendy and funky in colours she approves of. I’m struggling financially at the moment and the pressure of Christmas is just getting too much. I don’t know if this is a straw that’s broke the camels back situation. I could’ve done without spending all this money on clothes and presents and feel like it’s not even appreciated just finding fault in things my dc should be grateful for. Before anyone piles on, I know they don’t have to be “grateful” for the basics but it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle. And no new clothes for Xmas day aren’t negotiable where we come from.

writing it now seems like such a none issue but it’s irked me.

OP posts:
TrixieFatell · 23/12/2025 20:50

It's her hair not yours. It's fantastic she has such strong ideas on how she should look, don't trample on her boundaries

GeminiGiggles · 23/12/2025 20:51

I remember an argument with a family member when I was 6 over a purple shrug that I had so wanted, was so proud to have and not being allowed to wear it. I'm 33 now... 😬

Is this really the hill to die on?

Aimtodobetter · 23/12/2025 20:53

I think it wouldn't have been unreasonable to expect her to dress smarter than in a tracksuit. It is however unreasonable to make up for the racksuit by controlling her hairstyle. Dressing to fit a dresscode is part of adult life she will eventually have to learn - having someone tell you to wear your hair up or down is not.

Grapewrath · 23/12/2025 20:54

God. Leave her be.

MrsJeanLuc · 23/12/2025 20:54

PartoftheBand · 23/12/2025 20:01

In your own words, "it just seems so spoiled to me to be causing such a fuss over a fucking outfit and hairstyle." But it feels like this is what you are doing. Just let her be comfortable and happy.

This. You are being REALLY selfish.

She's not a doll for you to dress the way you want her to be. She's a little person with her own ideas - your job is to help her learn how to express herself.

sanityisamyth · 23/12/2025 20:55

It’s her hair. She can have it how she likes.

FWIW - free rein, not reign.

user1471538275 · 23/12/2025 20:55

Body Autonomy.

She decides for herself.

LimpysGotCancer · 23/12/2025 20:55

Haven't RTFT, but YABVU. She's a real person with her own preferences about how she dresses, she's not your doll.

Nevernonono · 23/12/2025 20:55

Struggling for money but new outfits for Christmas svd Boxing day?

Ridiculous!

Let her choose!

ElizaMulvil · 23/12/2025 20:55

This may damage the relationship you have with your daughter more than you imagine. I knew a family where the children were all commented on every time they left the house. Told to change their outfits as they didn't suit them, just redo your hair, your dress is too short, etc etc, etc.

Needless to say all three moved away from where their parents live when adults and rarely see them. It's not worth risking a family feud over this. The golden rule is 'if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all' or better find something to say it ' looks lovely' to.

Imdunfer · 23/12/2025 20:56

She's not a doll to be dressed and hairstyled as you choose.

MissDoubleU · 23/12/2025 20:56

YABVU. Don’t be surprised when she chops her precious curly hair into a pixie cut the second she’s able to get away from you controlling and admiring her for it.

It‘s a right of passage for many young ladies whose trophy hair is centred over their comfort.

pambeesleyhalpert · 23/12/2025 20:56

Take the clothes back and let her wear something she already owns and is comfortable in….

pambeesleyhalpert · 23/12/2025 20:56

Take the clothes back and let her wear something she already owns and is comfortable in….

rainbowsandraspberrygin · 23/12/2025 20:57

Leave her be. It’s only Christmas. It’s not like she’s a teen wearing t shirts with abusive language.

Not sure why you’re buying expensive trackies.

you say it’s not the done thing to not have a new outfit for Christmas where you’re from….can I ask where that is?

we sometimes dress a bit smarter if we’re having guests at Christmas or going out but wouldn't buy need things especially.

I think because she’s been give such free rein she’s noy used to being guided in her clothes choice.

Hallywally · 23/12/2025 20:58

As long as her hair is brushed and neat is fine. No dress code/appropriate clothing for a six year old requires them to wear them down. And stop spending so much on clothes for a child. You can’t perfectly nice clothes for kids in Primark/in supermarkets/on Vinted etc.

TableRunners · 23/12/2025 20:59

Also, what is all this "New clothes are non-negotiable at Christmas" nonsense? You even admit that you can't afford them!

I have to agree with a PP that social media may be at play here, as well... Does OP want a few "Look at our perfect Christmas, and my pretty little lady with her gorgeous hair!" type posts? 🤔

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 23/12/2025 21:00

WOW it's HER hair.

YOU chose to let your children have free reign over clothes / hair etc. YOU now have to live with their choices / decisions.

No one ever has told me how to wear my hair since I was old enough to speak.

lastminutepicks · 23/12/2025 21:01

This is one weird thread. A lot of waffle about a tracksuit followed by you deciding her hairstyle. So, I don’t see the relevance of the tracksuit and I can’t believe you are even thinking about how your 6 year old will have hair in 2 days time. Surely it’s a ‘do you want it up or down?’ on the day when she is getting ready? Do people really micromanage every detail like this, days in advance?

Livpool · 23/12/2025 21:01

YABU, from an adult with long hair

lessglittermoremud · 23/12/2025 21:03

Sorry but you are being unreasonable telling your daughter that she has no choice over her body for a special day.
I have three children and they all have very different tastes in clothes, one lives in tracksuits if freezing outside, football kits and will usually only wear shorts, the other won’t wear jeans because they are uncomfortable, woollen jumpers because they are ‘squeaky’ and our youngest will only wear leggings…
They choose what they wear and I pick my battles within the frame of what they prefer so I wouldn’t let my child go to a posh meal in a football kit, I’d advise him to wear cargo shorts and a nicer t-shirt, the one that doesn’t like wearing jeans will wear ‘jeggers’ and a Grandad style shirt (because it doesn’t have a collar) and the little one leggings and nice jumper.
I wouldn’t force them to wear something they hate or style their hair. My Mum used to take such pride in my hair, hairdressers and strangers would comment on it, she lapped up the second hand attention, I hated it….
If money is short rather then keep on buying things she won’t wear, return them and work with her in getting something ‘nicer’ that she will next time.

MysteryNameChange · 23/12/2025 21:04

@Sausagescanfly Guessing Liverpool. But it's quite an old school working class Scouse thing. Lots don't bother.

TheEveningReport · 23/12/2025 21:04

You are being so unreasonable. Why does it matter what your parents did? Really, times change. This isn’t about what she’s wearing but about control. Honestly pick your battles, is it worth her being so upset?

AdjustingVideoFrameRate · 23/12/2025 21:05

She’s six years old! She doesn’t sound like the sort of child who fusses about clothes and hairstyles, good for her why should she? She probably just wants to wear things she feels comfortable in and her hair out of her face.

As someone else said, she’s a person, not a doll. Let her be herself and develop her own style - you sound controlling.

BartholemewTheCat · 23/12/2025 21:07

I didn’t even read the whole of the OP. YABU. You’re teaching your DD that her voice doesn’t matter. That if someone is bigger/louder, their opinion wins. Is that a lesson you want to teach your daughter?